26 Dec 2007, 5:06 am
duncansbass
Supporting Member
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 421
Location: Flatting thirds, fifths, and sevenths for over 20 years
26 Dec 2007, 12:03 pm
Queen of the Crabasses at the moment, Rjaye
Yes, it is! Put me down for at least princehood!
26 Dec 2007, 1:47 pm
doesn't christmas feel like a loopy event ?
I though you all needed to know that.
26 Dec 2007, 4:08 pm
I felt relief at finding others like me here at WP. Makes me think being emotionally wounded in some way is really the norm. Having to set up boundaries between myself and those people who share genetics is painful, but not doing so is madness. My goal is to build an alternative family, and that's hard, too. I can't tell where I stand with anyone, and I have to foster a feeling of acceptance of ambiguity. Then I have my moments and say, "Bah humbug!" Being a crabass is empowering sometimes. Queen of the Crabasses at the moment, Rjaye
it's doable, rjaye. i've had various permutations of alternative family over the years. people have drifted in and drifted out, been very close and then gone far away. yet when we meet again it's as if there's been no time in between. the one thing i can recommend is to make any attempts to create this as nonbinding - when people float in and land and stay for a while, it's a lovely thing. but if you try to lock them in it dies. things go terribly wrong.
in my life there have been times with a good extended alternate family and then times when i couldn't really find them. there are times when i really don't need them to be there, but in the times when i really do (these days) they somehow materialize. it seems to all come down to allowing them to be there, i think. there are an awful lot of us ...whatever the word for virtual(?) orphan is... out in the world. my experience is that we tend to find each other, as we have that in common and it's a strong thing to share.
shall we start a crabass nobility? we'll need someone to do the heraldry and keep the lineages straight. what will the devices on the family crest be? a tree full of crabapples with porcupines rampant, or ...?
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
26 Dec 2007, 4:21 pm
Sounds good!
26 Dec 2007, 6:42 pm
I had a good time with my family this Christmas - the time actually went too fast. I connected with my dad for the first time, which was really nice. I have always tried to put in the effort - this time I just stayed open to ?... "whatever" ... the unknown. Guess I was trying too hard before, or maybe it just needed 50 years to gel. Anyhoo, I am grateful for the past weekend.
Returned to discover that my army reserves boss was re-activated Monday. He ships out for Europe Friday, en route to Afghanistan. He's a bit in shock - they usually only activate the reserves a certain amount of time every 5 years, and he returned from a year's duty in Iraq only 2 years ago. I've been helping his wife pack their things while he arranges their tax, legal, and financial papers - 5 days to get everything in order is not much time. We've had our differences in the past, but those disappear in times like these. Makes me realize how silly we both behaved. Best wishes on them both.
I like Nan's explanation of her experience of people flowing in and out of her life. Taoists teach that everyone walks their own path. Sometimes people join for a time as they each walk their own path. Sometimes they walk together for a time. It helps to know that all relationships are temporary. People part paths, or die. Moments together, unforced, are gifts. Change is inevitable and certain. The only constant in your life is yourself, and your path. No one can walk your path for you. Although we are sometimes aided, each of us walk our own path ourselves.
It's somewhat difficult to see this in the modern depiction of the symbol Tao:
...but in the simpler early depiction of Tao, seeing a face on the right, one can envision a warrior running by himself on his own path:
Taoists are taught to remember this essential image of what Tao is, in case life gets complex and confusion sets in. It's simply you, and your path. Best wishes to each of you as you walk your paths! 
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
26 Dec 2007, 7:01 pm
26 Dec 2007, 8:10 pm
sinsboldly
Veteran
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
26 Dec 2007, 9:37 pm
Anyhoo, I am grateful for the past weekend.Returned to discover that my army reserves boss was re-activated Monday. He ships out for Europe Friday, en route to Afghanistan. He's a bit in shock - they usually only activate the reserves a certain amount of time every 5 years, and he returned from a year's duty in Iraq only 2 years ago. I've been helping his wife pack their things while he arranges their tax, legal, and financial papers - 5 days to get everything in order is not much time. We've had our differences in the past, but those disappear in times like these. Makes me realize how silly we both behaved. Best wishes on them both.
I like Nan's explanation of her experience of people flowing in and out of her life. Taoists teach that everyone walks their own path. Sometimes people join for a time as they each walk their own path. Sometimes they walk together for a time. It helps to know that all relationships are temporary. People part paths, or die. Moments together, unforced, are gifts. Change is inevitable and certain. The only constant in your life is yourself, and your path. No one can walk your path for you. Although we are sometimes aided, each of us walk our own path ourselves.
It's somewhat difficult to see this in the modern depiction of the symbol Tao:
...but in the simpler early depiction of Tao, seeing a face on the right, one can envision a warrior running by himself on his own path:
Taoists are taught to remember this essential image of what Tao is, in case life gets complex and confusion sets in. It's simply you, and your path. Best wishes to each of you as you walk your paths!
Hello Chuck!
this is for you! It came flooding back to me reading about the Tao
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-GN-BP_Qlk[/youtube]
sinsboldly
Veteran
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
26 Dec 2007, 10:03 pm
so, today is the day I dust off my hope and grief and think about my daughter's birthday 38 years ago. I hadn't seen a doctor because in my youth and impairment, I thought you just went to the Emergency room when you were in labor so I struggled through two days I was yelling and screaming every cuss word I could think of through Christmas eve and Christmas day the little nun had had enough and told me "was those the first words I wanted my child to hear?" and I saw the name of the hospital on the sheets and started crying out "Mercy, mercy" and other mothers to be would come by and try to chat with me, but I was too far gone into the zone of pain/suffer. .
I could not smoke while pregnant ( so long before we knew about smoking's deleterious effects, but in the recovery room I ate three sandwiches and smoked two cigarettes until I slept forever.
I did see her once, even got to hold her and tell her to be a good woman. I named her special on her birth certificate so her name would never be mistaken for another baby.
That is how I will know her, too.
yes, yes, I have looked and for decades. . but that is not this memory. This is just a memory of mine I wanted to share, but I wasn't certain I would, simply because I didn't care to fend off the empathy of others. . .you know. . 
but I wanted to share with my family.
Merle
SleepyDragon
Veteran
Joined: 28 May 2007
Age: 70
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,829
Location: One f?tid lair or another.
26 Dec 2007, 11:22 pm
27 Dec 2007, 9:35 am
For Merle:
27 Dec 2007, 3:52 pm
27 Dec 2007, 3:54 pm
I heard that at lunch time while watching the news. I was terribly sad to hear it.
27 Dec 2007, 5:54 pm
duncansbass
Supporting Member
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 421
Location: Flatting thirds, fifths, and sevenths for over 20 years
27 Dec 2007, 6:32 pm
