The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Oh, cool! I'll look them up!

I didn't win any points when I said, "Can't you just buy girls in China? Why do you need to drive to Omaha, get pumped full of fertility drugs and use sperm you picked up at feed store?" She tried to explain to me the difference, but since I think part of my second X is missing or damaged, I didn't get it. I didn't have those urges so I can't relate. It must have been the worst for her to go through that baby mania with a friend like me.

I haven't even told you yet about her road trip and how the cops pulled her over with the empty cryogenic tank and several radical magazines in her trunk. THAT is the real story!

They weren't trying to have fun, just procreate. It's called "Sudden Babyitis Syndrome." I'm the one who thinks all those parts are useless, disgusting and don't know why I have them. SHE had to tell me every detail of her testing, fertility treatments, etc. I said, "Can't we just pretend I'm a man until this is over? Don't you have any maternal girlfriends who will understand?" It was awful. We're still friends although I'm not sure how we managed it. I was so glad when she finally had to give up. She ran out of funds $50K later.

This and five brothers is the reason I am sure dh is still dh and dh as in divorced husband. Five brothers are kind of the equivalent of a truck full of rednecks. Then there are my eight nephews. You see how this works?

Ah. Wish I'd have known 'em when.
But Louie, Guido, and Bruiser are free. They're "Family" if ya get the drift there. Don't cost me a dime. Or a nickel even.

Oh, DO tell? That oughta be a hoot.

Ya know, on the hormones and urges... it's better to just buy 'em. I hear they're cheap from Russia, too. And ya can get blonde and blue eyed caucasians there, too, if that's yer fancy.

Still think raising a hamster would have been a lot less hassle.

Yeah, exactly. Cost my friend a ton-o-bucks and she didn't even get to have the fun part. [Word of caution for those contemplating and who are of tender years - it's a hell of a lot more fun puttin them babies in than it is gettin' 'em out! !! ! Buy one. Really. Labor and delivery is waaaaay overrated. You can still be maternal without feeling like someone's taking a carving knife to your insides for a couple of days if you buy one.]

Me, I wasn't looking for the kid. And who gets stuck with the little bundle of stinky, slimy, drooly goo for 21 years? (yes, the kid, not the ex. Though...)

Sigh. Well, maybe she'll feed me when I'm old and totally decrepit.

Sick. Nightmares that went on for hours where I was a teacher and couldn't control the group and the MESS of the classroom. I feel out of control at the moment and am looking uo the yellow pages for cleaners. Winge winge, winge

If only I could hop on a plane, nannarob. I'd have your house clean and tidy in a flash with time left to visit with my favorite WP NT.

Mum (NannaRob) has 3 'perfect' sisters-in-law and a 'perfect' mother-in-law whose motto is:

"It only takes a minute."

Mum and I made an opera - we dressed up as cleaning ladies and danced around with mops and brooms singing:

"It only takes a minute
It only takes a minute,
It only takes a minute,
One minute at a tiiiiiiiiime!"

Dad (who also is 'perfect') didn't get it.

Helen

P.S. I'm bored! Killing time at Kuala Lumpur airport' 4 hours down, 2 to go until I board the plane.

Waiting for someone to make something clever out of the bored and board references.

As I told my niece, I don't care how good he looks now, in 18 years will not remember him or the bad sex you had. Use birth control.

Sex advice from Aunt Zanne


Or, as I told my younger brother (by 11 years), do you know what they call people who use condoms for birth control? Parents. When you use three latex condoms and you can't feel anything, that is actually safe sex.

He is currently scarred for life.

Well, she had to order sperm in a cryogenic tank from Seattle, then promptly decided she had to rush to civilized Michigan to be with her friends in her time of need. After another futile attempt, she loaded all of her radical political magazines (she writes for them) into her car, threw her clothes on the back seat, put the cryogenic tank in the trunk and took off for the farm in South Dakota (she bought when she went through her midlife crisis). She made it 45 miles from home when the police pulled her over for a tail light being out. She was so frazzled from the baby drama they thought she looked suspicious, added to which they saw the radical magazines and clothes all over the back seat. They went through the car and when they got to the trunk they found the tank. Being a half black woman in South Dakota this gave the reason to think she must be a terrorist instead of a woman in the midst of babyitis. She completely freaked out and called me. I told her to tell them she bought sperm and they sent it to the feed store. I said they will remember you, trust me. She didn't believe me. I told her to put them on the phone and told them to call the feed store because that's where she picked up the tank. They didn't need to call them. They figured any story that outrageous had to be true. She still doesn't believe the guys in the feed store would remember, but those cops believed it. I'm sure they are still laughing about it! Her baby daddy sperm stored next to the sperm of ten bulls. LOL

Board and bored. Nah. Can't do it? Nice to hear from you!

You are already perfect Robyn! Don't let your mother-in-law and sisters-in-law define that for you! (Especially if their definition of a perfect Robyn is one who keeps a perfectly clean house). Tell everyone that you are in competition with me to see who can win the Most Untidy Chaotic Abode contest. (MUCA contest, not to be confused with the Monash University Chess Association contest of Australia).

If the in-laws come over raising eyebrows and making comments, boot 'em out! Show 'em the door! Put a broom in their hands and put 'em to work! It only takes a minute!

It's high time you escaped to freedom! So I need you to arm yourself with these memorized lines (feel free to ad lib):

"I don't think I'll do laundry anymore. Learning to play the piano sounds much more interesting."

"I'd really like to help you with your shopping, but I intend to save my money and go on a trip to Mongolia this year to see a full eclipse of the sun instead. Save your money and you can go somewhere too."

"Gee, it's no fun for me for you to come over and visit. I intend to rest today, and then do whatever I want. But have a good day elsewhere."

"Yeah, a clean house sure would be nice. But when they toss me in my grave I'll be glad I spent my time writing instead."

Send preemptive strikes as well. Calmly tell them:

"I've decided to stop going to parties, dinners, and family get-togethers. I've given up gift-giving too. You know, it's all just so time-consuming."

"Thanks for the invitation, but I only go to things I decide are worth my time."

"I never send thank-you notes anymore. I never really enjoyed doing that."

"Mercy. I had no idea I was this opinionated."

"You know, I really am a grouch. I guess all you can expect is bad behavior from me. I can no longer contain myself."

"I don't know why, but ever since this year's birthday I've become bad news."


If these lines made you laugh it reveals that you are spending a lot of what could be your free time working hard to avoid being called a selfish or thoughtless person. But it's time to throw away all that goodness you have been clutching. You are a good person, and have been. You have to give that up now though - you don't have much time left to do all of the things that I know you want to do with the rest of your life.

You have to carve out your own free time. And use it in the ways that you decide to.

Good luck!

...erm, ...she never got pregnant? ... maybe a "mix-up" occurred?

Hi, everyone! Just had some delicious, all natural bacon, and eggs for my supper. Nitrate free, can't beat that.

Very interesting posts about mirror neurons, Zanne and Chuck. I went to the thread in the In Depth discussion, where that poster is going on about a cure. IMO, why would I want to cure something I've managed to live with all my life? It's not bothering me. If it's bothering anyone else, that's their problem, entirely.