3 Generations of Aspies

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Hello!

It looks like I'm new here, but I really forgot my old username/password so I'm starting over. Story of my life--starting over. I was raised in a military family so we moved every 2-3 years. I always assumed that was the reason I was weird. Easy to explain away my eccentricities as a product of frequent mobility. Nevermind the fact that my younger sister shared none of my oddities. She was younger, so maybe that was why SHE was normal.

I never really understood girls. I wanted so much to be a friend, but had so little in common with other girls my age. Guys made more sense. I had shared interests with them, they were less likely to judge me, they thought more logically and practically rather than emotionally, and they didn't nitpick. It was much more comfortable to be one of "the guys". Since I could talk X-Men, Star Trek and baseball stats, I was in. And so, I generally associated with guys until High School, when I was no longer welcomed into their groups. By that time, they were more interested in bedding girls than in hanging out with them.

I've been married to a wonderful man for 10 years next month. He was diagnosed with Asperger's just after we recognized it in our son. I didn't realize it in myself until later, when our autism specialist reported her suspicions in me. It suddenly made perfect sense. I had been so focused on THEM that I never thought about me. It was decided that it's not worth the $ pursuing a dx in myself. I'm functional and aware enough that having the "label" likely wouldn't do much for me.

My mother-in-law moved in with us almost two years ago, and it has become entirely evident that she is on the spectrum, as well. In fact, our autism specialist is convinced but, as with me, having the dx won't actually help her. There are no resources for autistic elderly that make it worthwhile to spend the $ on dx'ing her. Unlike my husband and I, she is rather low-functioning (possibly HFA) and very unaware. Her mental age is between 10-12 so it's like having another child, literally. She is the root of most of my stress, even beyond raising my own kids. The stories I could tell you...

Four of the five members in our family are AS. That's 3 generations under the same roof. We are either very interesting or very boring, depending on your perspective.

I look forward to interacting more on the forums here.

Are we stalking each other?

To WrongPlanet!! !

LOL! <waves at Alphabetania>

Welcome to the Wrong Planet community, HJaneHarrington.

Jane, has she always been like this? I mean, she could have dementia or a similar illness. My father has gone that way. On occasion I have even helped him dress and my mother has fed him; other days he is a lot more capable. We were at the neurologist the other day and in the space of about 45 minutes he asked numerous times, "So can I drive? Why not? Why can't I drive?" and eventually I asked the neurologist to write down the answer for him, because he kept on forgetting (I also think he was conveniently forgetting, because he remembers other things I've just told him without too much difficulty!).

If it is dementia or some other similar illness, diagnosis (not of the autism, but of the illness) could help, because then there could be treatment to slow the progress of the disease.

My own mother-in-law suffered from a lack of oxygen to the brain, and was being treated in all sorts of inappropriate ways until it was discovered that she had a lung disease and wasn't getting in enough air. When that was addressed, she was mentally much clearer.

Unfortunately, she's always been this way, according to family members. When I've described certain events and things she's said, none of them are surprised. She reports that she didn't talk until she was six and that she had a lot of trouble in school.

It's amazing--we've had her tested for dementia by so many different doctors, and she passes EVERY test with flying colors. She is very good at "appearing" normal, and the doctors all send her home with a smile and a "you're doing great" assurance (I'm sure they think I'm just a nagging daughter-in-law to bring her in complaining of problems they're not seeing). Then, in the car on the way home, this same woman who just convinced a doctor that she's entirely normal will tell me the same story three times in 10 minutes, and perseverate on her stuffed animal collection (which she spent $2,000 on in three months--we have to control her finances because she spends $ on her obsessions but doesn't pay her bills).

Our autism specialist is convinced, without a doubt, that MIL's on the spectrum. She said she believes a lot of older people with autism are overlooked because people brush it off as dementia or just a "generational thing". The problem is the cost of getting the actual dx thru the testing. Her insurance does not cover it and even were we to pursue the dx, there are no resources at all here to help her. It would basically mean having a piece of paper saying she's autistic but no help, even so. If we could get her a dx of dementia, at least we could justify putting her into a nursing home (her husband is in a dementia ward) but none of the doctors will even consider it because they don't see the problem. The doctors never take us seriously with her, and so she doesn't have any reason to believe she needs "help". It makes me feel like the "bad guy" for pointing out things, but her common sense is non-existent and dangerous. She burned down her house 20 yrs ago for her lack of common sense and she's almost burned mine down twice already! I'm constantly having to "teach" her basic things that she says nobody ever told her.

Anyway, we've finally convinced her that she needs more help than we can give her (we're afraid to leave her alone for too long) through multiple bad decisions she's made and this summer she'll be going into the nursing home where she volunteers. I think it will be good for all of us--she needs supervision that I can't give her all the time and I need a break from her.

Thanks for the suggestion!! I SO wish I could say that it was something else like dementia. Then there would be resources to help. Even with all the media attention recently, autism resources are virtually nonexistent here.