new and need a little advice....

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Hi everyone...I was directed to this site by a friend and first off it seems great...very open.

I am 23 and I have a brother who is almost 17 with Asperger's. He was diagnosed about 5 years ago. Things have gone smoothly as far as our relationship, but he currently lives in Texas with our mother and I live in Lousisana. When I moved about a year ago I know that it threw his world into a tailspin, and he has since flunked out of school and gotten into serious trouble with drugs and alcohol, as well as being physically violent with our mom. Needless to say, he will be moving here with me after some legal things get wrapped up. I know that his attitude with me is completely different, but I needed and will openly take any advice on how to make his transition any easier...
It will be a new school and a new home and completely new surroundings and that is rough on anyone, but he doesn't do well with change so I know it will be hard on him.
Also, he was in special ed classes until about 5th grade(before the Asperger's diagnosis, he was diagnosed with OCD,ODD,BPD, and ADHD), but he was eventually pulled from special ed classes and now just has modifications to his learning plan (he has no physical impairments)...I feel that this is the best thing for him. He is in regular classes right now, and I seem to think that they are so slow he gets bored and fails; if anyone has any input on higher level classes I would love to hear it.
Any advice on how to help him transition, and what I can do to be there for him, and how I can connect and help him effectively would be greatly aprreciated, as well as any tips on getting him involved in school and meeting people without pushing him into isolation would be great.

Welcome to WP!

Well Bree, it sounds like a pretty big thing going on here, and I'd be amazed if anything I can offer will help you or inspire you!

Well, first off, does he know your email address, home address, phone number and fax number(lol)? I'm sure that your brother would find it convenient if he were able to get in touch with you in some way or another, no matter where he is or what he's doing. I like the convenience of having my friends' phone numbers because it means I can contact them if I'm having trouble or need a friendly word.

For a person with Aspergers Syndrome, entering a new area where he/she knows nobody can be very mortifying, but thankfully he has you to help him! You can prepare him for social interactions by prepping him with conversation techniques, and to allow him a bit of practice you could invite one or two of your friends over and let him talk to them. It will be a definite warmup for him and will make social interactions less scary come schooltime.

Hope this helps. All the best for you and your brother!

Thank you for that really...yea we talk everyday and have but I know that he grew up with me always there and then one day I was just gone and that definetely affected him
And the conversation skills with my friends...really good idea...he connects really well with people younger and people older...just not people his age (idk if that has anything to do with the AS...I've always been the same way)
Also, people think I'm too hard on him b/c I don't allow him to make AS an excuse it's just a reality we have to deal with and work through...He knows his diagnosis and he understands it and he knows he's different, but I've tried to raise him up understanding that everybody is "different" there is no "norm"...idk if it is right to approach it this way.
I want him to become a happy (in context of course) and functioning adult regardless of what a piece of paper says.

Hello BreeHope, welcome to Wrong Planet.

Good luck for you and your brother!

What you are doing is amazing just knowing he has someone in his corner creating structure will make a huge difference in his life. I would suggest creating a support network for him before he comes , check out schools, counselors (maybe begin emailing with school counselor before he comes ) , doctors ect and find the right ones before he arrives , . If you send him pics of his new environment so he can begin adjusting and looking forward to his new environment that may help also (your house, the school, grocery ect) I wish you well.

To WrongPlanet! !!

What you are doing is amazing just knowing he has someone in his corner creating structure will make a huge difference in his life. I would suggest creating a support network for him before he comes , check out schools, counselors (maybe begin emailing with school counselor before he comes ) , doctors ect and find the right ones before he arrives , . If you send him pics of his new environment so he can begin adjusting and looking forward to his new environment that may help also (your house, the school, grocery ect) I wish you well.


He's always my number one supporter so it has to go both ways. And thank you, didn't think of pictures but that is such a good idea...especially of his room and inside a classroom and places we go often like the gas station and grocery store. That is really such a huge help thank you so much!

You're very welcome.
I have the same difficulty in communicating with teens most of the time... actually, you could say that I can TALK to them, but I think I am a bit overbearing (or what I think is being nice at the time) and that is why a lot of my fellow teens show disinterest.
No matter what happens, I hope that the dream becomes a reality.


I think that people in our age group are so involved in themselves that they take kindness in any form as overbearing...kids aren't jaded by the world yet and older people have already been through that egotistical stage so they're just easier to communicate too. I say all that to say, don't change or excuse what you consider being nice b/c there are plenty of people that appreciate someone who will go out of there way to be kind, and if someone does find it offensive or "overbearing" that is their own problem.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.