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Hi, please help!

I'm so confused! I need opinions/insight etc. regarding our three year old son. Some background info-he has been in speech therapy for six months and made tramendous strides. He is now at an expressive and receptive rate of 3yrs. 11months and he is currently 3 years and 7 months. so that's great! now we need to work on his "social language defecits." Meaning, he doesn't always want to be bothered, so he will answer you sometimes, sometimes not, although he knows the answer! He also has attendancy to bark out commands vs. asking, etc. So, to sum it up we need to work on his social graces so to speak, athough he is quite social and enjoys being with kids his age. Gosh, I feel like I'm not making any sense! His speech therapist says he "doesn't have autism." (she should know, she works with autistic children as well as NT's.) She did say he has some "possible auditory processing issues." (Our son was found to have negative pressure in his ears for pretty much all of winter 04-05 season. He also has really bad allergies but now we have a good hold on this with meds and shots so knock on wood he hasn't had to visit the drs. office once this year) and that the pressure/inability to hear well for so long is the possible cause of the processing issues. His receptive score as of last week (he had re-eval) was 105, his expressive score was 103. So, why am I worried?

He had no speech delay so to speak of-he made the two word phrases by age two, etc. but around age three we saw little additonal progress so we got him into speech privately. Then he started to talk more and used many communicative "phrases" correctly-what his therapist makes of the phrases is that he got into a "habit" of saying the same things vs. more spontanious talk and that we just had to break him of these habits. It is getting better, definitely. But he still doesn't really talk as much (sharing info) as others in his preschool class. (he is about 8 months younger than the other kids in his class-he made the b-day cutoff, but just barely!) Hes doing well in preschool-his biggest issue now seems to be his attention span-or lack thereof. Circle time at preschool is hard for him to sit-in speech (45 minute session) it's hard for him to sit the entire time-his therapist gives him small (like two minute or so) breaks and it really seems to help. This innattentiveness really also plays into his "social language defecits."

What else can I say? He's potty trained, plays well with others, likes preschool, likes playing with his toys, etc. More less seems really NORMAL except for the speech issue initially and now the inattentiveness, and the repetition of social phrases which seems to be improving. He is reversing his pronouns correctly and definitely can tell you when he wants/needs something. My grandma says, "when he has something to say, he says it." This I would say is very true. He laughs, he loves, he is "a little hot headed" (according to my neighbor!) ((true if he is not instantly getting his way!)) He doesn't have any real obsessions, just lately seems to be fascinated with public toilets, (he rates them by if they flush by themselves, or not, if they are big or little, etc. we have the same conversation in all public toilets and he can't seem to pass one up whether he really has to go or not!) he used to really like to turn lights off and on, and loves to "check his email." He needed little to no introduction to a computer! He likes his music LOUD and prefers CD's to the radio. (he has had a hearing screening, he hears fine.) He's according to his therapist, "a typical three year old boy." But I am paranoid still although he continues to improve daily. I also visit a semantic pragmatic forum and it's great too-but I thrive off of others experiences/opinions and it really helps-so any feedback you could give would be awesome and appreciated!

Oh, he also really only wants to wear one shirt, (versus say undershirt, sweatswirt.) We have no clothing battles in the sumer but in the winter its hard to get him to dress appropriately for the weather! I can get him to but as soon as he gets where we are going the overshirt comes off and the coat, etc. This could be sensory maybe? He's not a two shirt guy at all! Doesn't matter if it's a tagless or shirt w/tag, long sleeve, short sleeve, etc. but he prefers one shirt only!

I just wonder if in your all's opinion could this be a very mild case of asperger's? I'm not borrowing trouble-as a matter of fact his therapist tells me not to worry all the time, but I'm his mother! It's my job!

Thank you so very much!

Kathleen in Indiana

I had speech therapy when I was a kid.

I wouldn't worry so much at 3 years old.

My 11 year old with asperger's sleeps in full clothing.

Hi Kathleen

You are doing everything right! Your son sounds very much like mine, speech therapy and all. Ryan is now 6. He didn't talk until he was almost 4, he did bark or gunt, and could talk if it was important. This is not okay, or typical. I have 3 children now and can clearly see the difference. The ear problems may be an issue, but if you're concerned then you know. Look for times when he speaks, it may turn out to be a point of interest and you can use that to find common ground and encourage speech to get a good feel for whether the delay is a hearing issue or not. I had Ryan to an audiologist and he has seen every other medical doctor required we ruled out everything possible. Ryan's speech therapist told me she thought Ryan was ADHD. He's not. Ryan has been diagnosed with Asperger's. I caught it early, it's hard to tell until they are a little older because the social component is hard to pinpoint.

You are right to be concerned about obsessions, repetitive behaviours or just the odd stuff. Keep an eye on it. Ryan's changed, they're not fixed. At one time he would only wear green, only wear rubber boots (even in the winter!) He's very sensitive about clothing. What I had to do was well before a change is required I set the preferred item out. For example I have his new winter coat hanging on his peg upstairs. (He's still wearing his old, very small, very ratty coat). I have to tell him each day, "Hey there's your new coat". I make him put it on, just for a couple of minutes each day. I know one day he'll just take it instead. Thank goodness it's been warm.

I think we need a "it worked for me" source for these special kids. I would be worried about frustration, anxiety, fear. If your son seems okay, then you've got time and just keep a log of the nutty stuff, it may all pass. If he seems overwhelmed, especially at times when you're not expecting it, then something is going on.

I really think the inability to sit still thing is because they are processing so many other things, they forget to sit still. Ryan is sensitive to sounds, smells and touch. When he enters a room it takes a while for him to identify and reconcile all this input. It's very distracting. He needs to find out what smells so good, bad, different...etc. The other kids don't get it. He really can't focus until he's figured it all out or something might change in the room and start this process again. What I do is: we wash with a scented soap and when he gets confused he smells his own hands, it helps him sit still.

I guess my point is you can help him cope with all his differences whether they are ever diagnosed or not. I hope you get alot of feed back from the people here, we are all living with it. Things don't have to be hard. Information is everything. Keep pushing. One day your son will thank you.

take care

jetgirl