possible aspergers behaviour

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Hi, I am a new member looking for some reassurance and info. i think my daughter aged 6 may have some mild form of aspergers and if so I want to be able to support her in the best way possible. She finds it difficult to initiate conversation and join in a conversation, used to miaow when people addressed her and has recently taken an amazing interest in the piano and is constantly playing imaginary tunes with her fingers. Her teacher has begun to comment on as she called it this " weird" behaviour but I feel the teacher and maybe I am not helping my daughter. I would really like to find ways of helping my daughter. She does have friends but I feel she struggles with understanding emotions and how people feel. At this age it is not so obvious but I feel it will become more so as her friends mature emotionally. Any suggestions for where to start, please?!

Hi and welcome to WrongPlanet.net! I'm sure you'll get lots of advice from the members here. Good luck.

Welcome frances!

You are already giving your daughter the greatest gift possible--understanding!

We have a parent's forum here. One of the threads is of our adult members discussing what they wish their parents had known. I think you would find that very interesting so I hope you'll read it.

Where to start? Their are so many options. You are really getting a head start ...so many of us parents struggle with whats going on and get wrong information...so many years wasted...

If it seems mild enough, I'd ask the school about social skill classes. They might know of classes offered or might even offer them themselves. If they don't, you might consider having a school counciolor or a private therapist do play therapy with your daughter concentrating on social interaction.

You might goggle your state and "Autism Society." Then call and see if they have parent tip sheets, classes, or support groups for your daughter AND you.

Its so difficult to know how to start or where to go because each child is so differnent and has unique needs. And its a finer line of support and loving pushing than I would have ever imagined.

Good luck to your family and I look forward to talking to you more.

BeeBee

If she is fascinated by the piano and is constantly playing imaginary tunes with her fingers, that's a clue that she could use piano lessons - or keyboard lessons - just as being hungry is a clue that you need food!

As for the teacher who called this "Wierd behavior" --- it's a really good thing she never had young Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in her classes, or Leopold would have sent his son for treatment instead of teaching him music. Sigh -- idiots abound.

One of my occasional stims includes playing arpegios on an imaginary keyboard. I used to do it more frequently, but it waned with my desire to play the piano. Like so many things, such behaviour, while being perceived as a negative can become a positive, if channeled in the right direction. Good luck!

I understand how strange it must be stepping into and researching this world of which your daughter may be a part. It's wonderful that you're making the effort.

Even with the best information, your daughter will have a lot of learning about herself to do, and it will probably be a struggle. She will desperately need someone to confide in, and your patience and reassurance will help more than anything. When friends leave or tease her, when teachers become impatient with her "weird" behavior, when she can't get a date like the other 14 y/o girls, it will be priceless for her to be able to tell her story to you and know she won't be judged.

Active "helping" is tricky. The things that help NTs won't necessarily help an aspie child. Paradoxically, a lot of "helping" an aspie is to refrain from doing things! For example, I can remember various men trying to get me to "be a man" when I was young. Among NTs, this is a ritual that goes back millenia and is part of being initiated into manhood. If an NT boy doesn't get this, he often becomes deliquent and unhappy. For me, it amounted to ridiculous posturing I didn't understand. It made me feel inadequate, stupid, and effeminate. It made me hate myself, because I could tell I was supposed to do something, but I couldn't tell what it was. Well-meaning teachers, relatives, friends, and mentors will have similar initiations and "life skills" to foist on your daughter, many of which will contradict her nature and cause tremendous anxiety. Resisting this "help" and allowing her to grow into her own person will be her paramount task.

Even if you don't feel it, I strongly urge a show of confidence and ease on your part as you explore her condition. The best way for your daughter to learn is by example, and the best example she can absorb is fearlessness in the face of her deficits. "I'll get through it, whatever it is. I'm tough and can face it all with a smile. I just have to be smart about it."

On the other hand, if you are worried and transmit that, she will learn that weird behavior on her part is cause for concern and should be hidden. She will learn to be timid and to rely on other people's evaluations of her. She will learn to fear her future, and that is deadly for any human soul.