Where to start...well, I was at the pscyh clinic/therapists yesterday and the intake counsellor mentioned AS as a possibility. Apparently I presented as "diffident", and had not much facial expression and avoided making eye contact. Now that I think about it, I tend to avoid eye contact at all costs. I am often lost in my thoughts (my boyfriend comments about my "lost expression" and how my mind just can't stop. I can't ever seem to stop thinking...)
The therapist suggested I do some research about AS so here I am.
About me
29 year old female
Just about a lawyer (getting called to the bar in one month)
undergraduate degree in engineering
Did extremely well in both degrees and went back to school for a challenge
Enjoy sports
Enjoy researching random topics on the internet (if I could just read wikipedia all day I would be very happy), linguisitics, sports, geopgraphy, religion (although I am an athiest)
Potential symptoms?
I have trouble focussing at meetings and often fall asleep when I am not engaged, this has often happened at work when I would fall asleep watching court or in class.
I rarely feel "connected" to other people, trouble empathizing. Perhaps this is because I think everything should be logical.
I have trouble making and keeping friends. I don't feel comfortable with people at first, takes a while to find people I can connect with. So often I feel awkward and on the outside. Even as a little girl, I remember sitting at the kitchen table when I was four years old thinking that everyone was different than me, or everyone was robots or it was some sort of "game" and I was the only real person in this world that I didn't understand. Recently I have been thinking about all of the friends that have come in and out of my life, and why I can't stay in contact with them. I do have friends now, but sometimes I think that they don't care, or I don't care, and things get distant and people drop off. Or I think that their other friends are their "real" friends and I am just something else. This has been going on as far back as my memory goes.
I am always fidgeting. I can't ever sit still, even if it is just moving my hands/fingers, rubbing fingernails.
Part of the fidgeting may be my trichotillomania (hair pulling) which I thinks sooths me.
I worry way too much! Some of it is irrational worry.
Otherwise, I am very logical and have trouble understanding how people make illogical decisions.
I have intense attention to detail.
I wish I had enough to move to some cheaper place to live where i could just read and research all day, whatever comes into my mind.
As for clumsiness, I am actually quite active and sporty, but always getting injured. Very prone to tripping and bumping into things.
I generally feel detached from people. When I actually connect with people it makes me very happy.
When talking (and even writing), the wrong word often comes out, or my words come out in the wrong order. Sometimes its a similar sounding word. Often when talking my thoughts are mixed up together, hard to get it out. I will often not provide context (I know numerous people have to ask "who" I am talking about when I say "they", and my supervisors get confused when they ask me about a project and I just jump into some detail).
Enough for now! Thank you for reading!
24 Sep 2009, 11:51 am
