First time poster here

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Hi all. I've been diagnosed with Aspergers since I was 12 so about ten years now. I haven't really reached out to the community or told most people (coworkers, professors, "friends") for a number of reasons mostly due to fear of rejection or alienation from the former and adding another thing for people to ridicule me about. I've decided to finally try to reach out to people who have some of the same issues as me because my life has hit something of a wall and I'm not sure what I can do to move it forward.

My quirks are numerous. I have problems interacting socially with people in most circumstances particularly those of the opposite sex (though I doubt I'm the only one). I have a issues with circular thinking with bad memories from as far back as elementary school in some cases coming up and causing me distress and shame as though they'd just happened sometimes staying with me for hours without an obvious trigger. I've had suicidal thoughts since I started middle school though those have mostly lapsed to fantasies about dying rather than trying to actively seek it out.

However the biggest issues I'm facing now are somewhat related. First I have a really rough time with intense mood swings to the point where I'm happy and motivated to crashing rapidly to the point where all I want to do is jump off a high building. Secondly when I'm not in one of those two states I'm in a foggy state where I don't want to do anything. This third is more troubling than the first two since its really affected my college work and regular work. I'm on risperdal 100mg, and nortryptaline 150mg. I just mention this because I'm not sure if either of those drugs have anything to do with the above issues. Before I'm jumped on for using prescription drugs I have tried to quit using them a few times but my mood swings became so intense that I felt like my mind was on the cusp of going completely insane. While I have been diagnosed with depression before I'm not manic, or bipolar, or schizophrenic (at least I don't think I am). Regardless I'd greatly appreciate any input that can help me make some sense of whats wrong with me.

A little bit of non-emo about me I enjoy building computers, playing video games, weight lifting, economics, anime, reading horror and sci-fi (I consider Lovecraft to be something of a kindred spirit), industrial music, writing, and dogs. I work a job I don't really like but it gets me out of the house and my paychecks (commission based) tend to be ok. I've started hitting the gym 3 to five times a week and find I really enjoy it if only because it makes me too tired to worry. I'm in college for associates degree in business management but I may switch over to IT.

I'm sorry about the length but alot of this stuff I've been wanting to get off my chest for a long while and I'm still not good at vocalizing. Anyway I hope to find some friends or help here so you'll probably be seeing me quite a bit.

I think you might want to reconsider the Bipolar Disorder... at the least you sound cyclothymic, and very possibly rapid cycle Bipolar. It's a common co-morbidity with AS.

Are you in any kind of talk therapy?

I was for awhile, the therapist was a good guy but it wasn't really doing any good for me. I just don't have the time for it now. I've never heard of cyclothymia but scanning the wiki page it sounds alot like what I'm going through. Thanks for the input and the welcome!

Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, fellow-traveler utherdoul.

Welcome to WP!

Hello and welcome.

I wanted to chime in and agree with DonkeyBuster... what you mention does sound like rapid cycle bipolar. I was misdiagnosed with that many moons ago. It was not until it occurred to someone that there were triggers that set off my moods that were overlooked... It is easy to not think of things like exposure to the breaks in non cable television or suddenly having to rush off to a store as a thing to set off a severe reaction, but that is very much true in my case. Have you perhaps kept a journal of seemingly mundane things that occur around the times that you mood swing. There might be a reason for it. Things that used to not cause me much upset seem to be more distressing as I get older. Also, I would recommend speaking with your doc about these concerns. I know a girl who had to quit taking risperdal becuase it made her fluctuate between a state of apathy and intense rage. It also made her lactate... go figure.

And right on... a fitness person! While I cannot handle the gym anymore, I still have my little workout bits that I do at home. It is an excellent way to stay healthy and sane, no? Again... welcome.

To WrongPlanet!! !