hi, i have been lurking here for a couple of weeks, and trying to read as many threads as possible.have been meaning to introduce myself but had no idea where to start and was reather concerned i may write a lengthy monologue in which people would very quickly lose interest, so i will attempt to keep this short(ish) lol, and explain a little about how i came to be here( on this site , not the planet,lol, although maybe some other time ).
i have a 15 year old daughter, very high iQ, flying through school with A* predictions for all her GCSE subjects,( includiing extra science subjects which we had to get school to agree to add in for her) who intellectually was very advanced, from a young age. Reading by age 2, competent on computer by 2 and a half , used to do math for 'fun', loves science, has never wanted to be anything other than a vet from the time she could express a preference( about age 5). at age 11 she printed the entry requirements for every vetinary degree course in the country, researched which were the better ones, and then structured her high school choices on where she wanted to do her degree.( hence the extra science gcse , as due to option restrictions she couldnt do all her preffered choices and 3 sciences, so she asked for extra physics at gcse so that she would not need to take it at A level as she already wats to do 5, which the school has also agreed to in view of her capabilities). have to add here that her intellect was not seen as unusual in our family as we all have exceptionally high IQ's, but little or no common sense lol.
luckily her school has a gifted and talented list and they apparently do have an awareness of who these children are and occassionally do special meetings etc for them ( not just the intellectually gifted , but also sporting stars , musicians etc.
have had a reasonably easy ride with her in some ways as a teenager, as she barely leaves the house, likes to read and spends hours on her computer, she also loves to write.
However, she has always had issues socially. at age 4 i was asked if she was autistic as she preffered to bark at people from on all fours rather than speak, she would always head for the nearest clothes rail in a shop and sit under it , would never respond to strangers speaking to her , and as she got older was accused out loud of being ignorant on many occassions.( she would also occasionally take off into the road running , even though she 'knew better', and would hugely over react to being restrained or chastised.)
these issues never seemed to affect her schooling, and on the surface she always seemed to be a popular child with lots of 'friends'( none of which she actually gave a damn about lol)and in high school she carefully hand picked a whole new set of 5-6 friends with one particularly close friend , and has managed quite nicely .
some of the other problems we have are caused by her apparent ignorance, constant lying( so it seems to my partner, which tends to be based on my daughter frequently being adamant that she hasnt done somethiing when we know she has or vice versa), apparent rudeness or selective hearing, she frequently thinks someone has spoken when they havnt , frequently thinks she has answered when she hasnt,and will often just stare at any one of us for what seems like long periods, then deny this when asked about it.she also has no concept of waitiing to speak , and will frequently butt into conversations, to blurt out something totally irrelevant, or to add or correct someones information.she will also sometimes speak at 100 miles an hour, about something she has already told me about 4 times that week , and not stop when i keep telling her i already know.
which her chosen friends , or people she is familiar with she manages to be quite social, but even at age 15 is still socially impaired in public or stressfull situations, and often shuts down. she goes completely'vacant' .she's hopeless on the phone, gives single syllable answers to most questions, and cannot relay information .
she also often speaks in a very'staccatto' way, pausing to grasp for words, or even trails off mid sentence, cannot write in paragraphs , and has problems with spelling.
i have always believed she probably had aspergers, but never felt a need to 'do' anything , as she seems to get by ok.and i didnt feel that the social problems were holding her back, as i myself have always been very insular and dont feel a need to be around other people much ( especially if they dont interest me,in fact i have very little patience with people and find im better off not bothering lol)
however it was brought home to me the other week that she still has a major problem, when we went to my friends husbands birthday party , and she did her usual shutdown on entering the building, then immediately stuck herself to the nearest wall and stayed there looking terrified for the entire evening, until very late on when she did eventually end up sitting with the 8-10 year olds( all of whom she knows).
after the party , my friend was asked whther it was adhd my daughter had or aspergers, and she had only observed her across the room, and also this last couple of weeks it has emerged that my mega intelligent daughter is not able to write a simple exam style essay in certain situations, or in response to certain types of question.and she has been sufficiently concerned to explain to me( as she knows she must get a A/B grade now to fullfill university requirements)in fact some of her written work is being graded D even though they are still predicting A/b for english, and she has just CAT scored at 100%.
anyway , the long and short of it is, that after many years of accepting my daughters little 'oddities as just part of her( she is amazingly similar to me and ive never seen whats wrong with me lol). i thought long and hard and decided that myreluctance to seek out and find a 'label ' for her , may not be doing her any favours, in view of the fact that she will have to somehow work around her 'problems' in order to attend university. and i decided to look into this a little more and see if theres anything available to her which may help .
during this process i inevitably ended up taking a look at myself , and i have to come to the conclusion that if she has aspergers then i do too( in fact i nowthink that my entire family probably does)
i will not launch into another essay about myself , but suffice it to say that i only have one long term friend,( despite having had lots of great friends over the years, who i seem to have happily left behind everytime i have changed directions, which happens a lot) who openly admits we would not be in touch if she hadnt made all the running over the years, im seen as rude , sometimes aggressive,hard faced/unfeeling, and largely successful, even though at 42 i still dont have a career ( have had plenty and been good at them alll but dont stick at them long),i now work from home as a sculptor, which should be ideal , if i didnt spend weeks on end making things that are totally unviable commercially. i am also well known for being consistently late, disorganised to the point of ridicule etc etc .i too have huge meltdowns, and frequently blow at the stupidest of things.
on reflection all of the thing i know about myself lead me to a conclusion that im aspie too, and having taken the rods???? test i actually scored higher than my daughter.
hers was AS 158/200 NT 33/200
mine was AS 166/200 NT 41/200 and i missed out a few questions because i want to wait and watch for certain behaviours before i answer them lol
phew , i could go on all day , but i will try to wind this up, suffice it to say finding this forum feels like coming home, and im sure i will be joining in once ive finished reading all the very long topics which im finding fascinating,
and i have now started down the long hard road to diagnosis for us both , but am not sure how i will manage to pursue that when i already feel like im banging my head on a brick wall with both the learnign support team at school , and the gp, but i am determined that my daughter will have the support and help to ensure she reaches her goals, intead of ending up like me.
25 Nov 2009, 4:47 am
