I HATE BEING THIS WAY

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Hi, I was diagnosed with AS only a year ago at the age of 34 and am quite depressed. I hate being like this and wish it could change, but it never will.

Hi SEKTO, sorry to hear you feel this way...

Nevertheless: welcome, and I hope you'll enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet anyway

Welcome to WP!

Thank you. Good to be here. Being diagnosed was the best and the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life.

hi dude.

This is a difficult time. The time when you face the realization of what you are and must accept that no matter how hard you try or rail against it you cannot change it. Getting through this is going to make you stronger.

Step back. See all of yourself now. See not only the bad and the ineptness, but also the strength. Your sight is clearer than others. Your perception of reality is sharper and more grounded in realism. You may not have a huge circle of friends, and it may be that you never will, but the one(s) you do have you know you can trust. Your bond with them is stronger than many others will ever achieve in their lifetimes and your loyalty is unquestionable. You are sad because you yearn for what you feel you have missed, but the others have a worse fate. They are completely unaware of the insights you have and the bonds that you have forged ... and that they have no way to achieve.

You are different. We all are. I feel this longing and this frustration and pain as well. But don't make it cause you to lose sight of the precious things around you that only you can appreciate.

We're all very different, so this answer is a difficult one. I'm also unsure of your specifics as to dating history, employment field, and interests. Please forgive this answer for being a bit general and from a personal perspective. Please take what seems relevant:

I've always had the most success with quirky, intelligent women. The really smart ones often have more insight into your character and are more willing to "figure you out" rather than write you off. Especially if you can get their attention with something interesting.

Again, from my history, I would recommend staying inside your comfort zone and not trying to become someone you aren't. This might lead to a shorter-term relationship, but you will eventually revert back to your true nature and your scripts will fail. You will become predictable and repetitive and they will lose interest (because you are working from a limited, artificially constructed persona). This failure may even make you feel lonelier.

Be careful with the idea of how good she looks. Don't date someone you find repulsive, obviously, but don't be so picky that you miss something good. At our age, we only get less good-looking as age and metabolism start to slowly take their toll. It is far more important to find the one who interests you with your eyes closed (when you're just talking or emailing/texting/posting).

As you continue to get older, you will find yourself becoming more attractive to single women because they have replaced their younger, more unrealistic dreams with reality and pragmatism. Many of us with AS trend towards being realists (some of us are extremely creative or artistically talented realists too) and this quality will make you more interesting to them. You'll also find that, if you weren't so attractive in your youth, that those "hot guys" are now out of shape and older and that the playing field has suddenly become more level. The girl that didn't date the nerdy guy she liked in high school due to peer pressure (and is regretting it) will want to date you to find out what she could have had. It also may be a change of pace and a new possibility for her.

This is something that most NTs struggle with as well, so don't feel bad if it seems difficult. It is.

To WrongPlanet!! !