I'm new here and need help

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Hi,
I have never posted to one of these things before, please pardon me if I do not do it right the first few times. I am here because I have a 21 year old daughter who has not officially been diagnosed with Aspergers, however I think she may have it and her boyfriend too. I am not sure if I should have her tested for it or if I should let her be. Would things be any different if she had a diagnosis? BTW- I have a 18 year old with severe autism..think it was catchy...lol.. If I don't laugh I will cry.

I hope to get some insight into Asperger's from this group learn how to help my daughter..no matter what we call what is getting in the way of her having a happy life.

Meds for depression have not worked. She hates being around people.

Thanks for any advice or insight,
LilaAutism

Welcome to WP!

Hello LilaAutism, I'm sure you'll find the help you need.

Hello and welcome.

There isn't really a proper and absolute med for people with aspergers and we seem to be immune towards antidepressants, there are temporary meds that will mellow you out but they are just for temporary purposes. The real key to dealing with and Aspie is to show them that you understand their position and that they need a kind and safe environment where they can develop and figure things out/gather some confidence socially and never deny them some personal time nor interrupt personal interests they might have or are willing to pick up as life rolls on. Reason with them instead of giving them orders and know that they are often way more smarter than they act so do not look down upon them nor treat them as kids because they have the will to develop and grow in a nurturing space.
Just tell them you're there to support them even if they are to stubborn to listen or accept your help, they will still record your words and know that you have their back, and don't panic and be loud like my mother always was they might not be very responsive nor seek interaction but it's always good to let them know you're around to support them and if your kind you'll be met with kindness. If you scream and holler that will only make her see you as an obstacle and you'll be met with hostility.
Talk to her lightly about such matters, but don't come on to strong. Maybe she knows and feels that she is different but doesn't want to be labeled as an autistic person or she just doesn't know where to start in her search to realize what makes her different, there are things you have to start slowly with as a full frontal attack like for example:

- I think you have Aspergers, let's check it out!

That might seem like a very big jump for a person that already has a lot to think about, and then i mean A LOT, Aspies tend to act quiet and calm not showing all that much suffering but we mostly go through life pondering there we belong and the everyday things that might seem easy to some might be terrifying/huge tasks for people of the autistic spectrum.

So basically don't pump her full of meds and hope for the best, as I said before we are kind of immune to most meds and we need natural nurturing and growth then some pill that will get us out of our shells/bubbles.

Look around the forums and ask more detailed and spesicif questions there, we have a lot of good people on here who are eager to help with questions and directions.

Ones more welcome to Wrong Planet and it's better to get the real scoop from people who live it everyday than from a doctor who reads a couple of papers and then judges the book by it's cover.

Hello LilaAutism, welcome, and enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

I think getting a diagnosis is good; once she's been diagnosed, she can get the help she may need.

Hello LilaAutism,

Welcome to Wrongplanet !

Feel free to post and make yourself feel comfortable

Hes got a point there.... Do you think that you might have aspergers or are you just normal?

enjoy your stay here and happy posting

Genetics are involved in Autism and Asperger's Syndrome and oftentimes these medical conditions can run in families. Since your 18 year old has Autism, it is very likely that your daughter has a very mild form of Autism...hence, Asperger's Syndrome.

Welcome to WP, LilaAutism. I'm 53 and only realized about two months ago that what I've been noticing is different about me all my life has a name and is called Asperger's. I'm not diagnosed yet, but 99% sure just based on recognizing myself in the descriptions of it and going over childhood memories.

If she's anything like me, it's a safe bet that by the age of 21 your daughter already knows something is different about her. Has she heard of AS? Is she aware of what it is? Just learning that led me through quite a self-revelation without anyone having to confront me about it. There was a person a few years earlier who was familiar with it and once mentioned it to me in passing, suggesting I look into it. But I dismissed the idea at the time, knowing nothing about AS or why she would suggest that.

I wish I had known at 21 what this was, so it's possible that if your daughter does have it she'll likely benefit from knowing. But it's probably best if you can somehow help her discover it for herself rather than say, "Let's go to the shrink, I think you have AS."

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome and the thoughtful advice. I am so glad that I asked because I was really all set to just help her as much as I could without making her feel worse about her self. I have had her to the doc and like 2 neuropsychological evals through her life and we were told sensory integration issues and depression that looks like ADHD. But I know so much of it over laps.

Someone asked if I had Asperger's and what I actually have is raging ADHD along with my 2nd son. My whole family is full of special needs.

What do you think about showing her the DSM IV criteria for Aspergers and ask her if she sees her boyfriend in there? Then maybe she will see her self too? I will have to look it up and look at it through different eyes.

Thanks again for your help with this issue, no can anyone help me understand why my son with severe autism beat himself on the head?

Thanks,
Lila

Welcome Lila.

When you say she hates being around people, what do you mean by this exactly? Is it crowds? or another issue?

A big thing is actually being there for her and respect going both ways.

About medication, those on the spectrum can sometimes require smaller or larger doses than the neurologically typical requirement. I'm guessing from your above post that she has depression, so I decided to mention this. A good councillor is hard to find but can be effective (from personal experience).

Hope things improve for you and your daughter.

If she needs accommodations then yeah things could be different.


At least she does have a boyfriend. I think you should tell her about the condition so she knows what she needs to work at so she can live a easier life and understand herself better.


About your son beating himself in the head, does he do them during his meltdowns? That's how some of us deal with our anger and frustrations. I know it's not a good way of releasing anger because it can give ourselves head injuries. I have also hit myself in the head because I felt like attacking people.

Hey Lila

The difference between people with aspergers and severe autism is that aspies share the autistic spectrum and the neurotically 50/50, which makes us able to learn how to express ourselves and learn how to show affection or at least try.
Severe autism for that matter is completely in to the spectrum and have a harder time/and their own way of showing emotions and the approval of situations.
Some autistic children are keen to touch and feel and some to pressure and impact as a form of affection towards others and themselves. The children who for example are fond of touch and materials can walk up to complete strangers and start rubbing/touching their arms because they like the feel of skin, some ways to counter this is to take them to a material shop and let them feel their way to a material that could substitute their behavior, and then give them an object or a blanket from that material so that they avoid seeking after the sensation from strangers.
Same thing with the self hitting, as severe autistic children do not know the exact amount of affection when it comes to touch itself and pressure they tend to over exaggerate this action, this doesn't have to be negative act always or worrying. Some children just like the pressure and impact, but of course they are unaware of that it might be a harmful act in the long run. It is also an indicator of over stimulation from different sources, I suggest that you monitor where and in what situation he does this, is there a lot going on? are there loud noises? is he sitting uncomfortably? is there to much light in the area? things like that. This can also be countered by moving him to a spot that he is fond of away from a space where a lot is going on and giving him something to do with his hands (but don't force it on him, learning to distract him is something that you might have to experiment with rather than just throwing things in his lap). I remember reading about self hitting that it might help with lying the child down with his head onto different pressuring objects or harder pillows to he gets that sensation of pressure that he needs.
This sounds like a temporary solution though as i don't believe your child wants to lie down constantly, I would personally try buying a earmuff hat/hat a size to small or a bit tight so that he gets this sensation of impact and pressure if that's what the issue is or it might just be a way of protest to a situation he's in and need to be relocated to a calmer area.
Well that's just what i can think of at the time, hope it helps.

These can be found in any sport store or a skateboarding store.

I found this post in another thread that might back up the pressure theory.

Adult Autism Issues > Being held Tightly > post by Zincubus

Maybe when he starts hitting himself you can give him a firm hug... just as an experiment. I don't know what your approach right now is, if you just leave him to it or if you restrain his hands, but a firm hug might gradually over time make him associate human affection and hugs with his desire for applying pressure, if this now is the case...

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you're finding the answers you're looking for. It might be a good idea to get your daughter diagnosed. Depression and anxiety is something that most austictic and aspies are prone to and medication is a tricky venue. Due to the chemical reactions in their brain, which are different from normal people. Here is a site you can check out feingoldWeb Page Name

You can also find a list of symtoms that may be helped with this dietWeb Page Name (health, learning and behaviour)