Going by the description of the sub-forum, I figured I'd pop in here to say hello. I am 29 years old and was just diagnosed in January of this year, so it's almost a year since I was diagnosed. I actually found this site because of conversation I was having on another forum, and I ended up looking up "turn off emotions" on Google, and this forum was one of the first places that turned up.
I knew I had Asperger's but I still don't know everything that that entails. I've been told that it affects everyone differently, and that just as with the rest of the Autism Spectrum there are different "levels".
The psychologist that diagnosed me said that my experiences and my high intelligence have allowed me to naturally overcome some of the issues that come with the disorder.
So here are a few of the things I'm not sure about, maybe you all can help me to see if this is "normal" for someone with AS:
1. I know that "most" people have an internal monologue, they "speak" inside their heads. Now I CAN do this if I MAKE myself, but it doesn't come naturally. I don't have a constant internal monologue.
2. I'm either thinking about something or I'm not. It's hard to explain exactly. My brain is either on and actively working on a "problem" or it's simply off and I'm not thinking at all. When it's off..... it feels like I'm just sitting there like a sponge, "absorbing" everything around me... perhaps my subconscious absorbing all the data for future use? All I know is that I'm not constantly thinking about what's going on around me, my conscious brain is literally switched off unless I'm "working on something".
3. I don't naturally think in words, when I do think, it's always in pictures or video. When someone tells me they have an aunt in Florida, as an example, I take that little icon of a woman that appears on bathrooms and I put her in a picture of the state of Florida. I have really good memory when it comes to movies. In fact, I LOVE and OBSESS about movies. They are a lot of my passion. I'd love to get a job as a movie critic.
4. I can rationally understand people's emotions... most of the time.... but I can't honestly say that I've ever FELT emotions myself except once in a blue moon. And I certainly can't feel OTHER people's emotions. When someone is upset, I'm always the "cold, rational one" and actually a lot of people that are close to me LIKE that. It makes them feel good that someone around them is being "stable" and "solid". It's when I run into people that I'm not close to that this is a problem.... when people that I don't know well are upset and I simply can't feel for them, and either they or others around them see that.... they give me these looks that make me feel like I'm some sort of sociopath. It makes me very uncomfortable.
5. I hate gatherings of people that I don't know well. My immediate family (mother, father, brothers and sisters) are just fine... but at all the extended family gatherings I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I try to avoid them whenever I can, because whenever I am around those people my problems are twofold. A) I don't know them well so I feel uncomfortable and almost guilty BECAUSE I don't know them well and I "should" and B) I don't feel the need or desire to GET TO KNOW THEM because "I have enough family". With my immediate family I have all the family I could ever need or want... so the cycle continues, sorta.
These are just a few of the things that I've noticed that seem to make me different than those around me. Are these normal for people with Asperger's or am I even more of a freak than I thought I was?
24 Dec 2009, 10:19 am
