Hi, my name is Dan and I'm obviously new here. I'm in my mid 30's and have been searching for who I am. I started with examining my past. This led to confusion, as I've have a mildly complicated childhood. I can reveal more if any one's interested in that. Anyway, I finally posted a question on Yahoo! Answers regarding my social nonacceptance. The general consensus was that I may have Asperger's. So, here I am. If anyone can provide help, I would really appreciate it. I feel as if I don't even know me. Do I have Asperger's?
Basically, I've been fairly withdrawn throughout my life. For years, I attributed this to having moved around a lot. I attended six different elementary schools (K- grade eight) across two provinces. I hated that. Well, I still hate it, thinking back. Anyway, as a child growing up, I would often play on my own. I talked to myself, and played in a make-belief world all by myself...in public! Naturally, I got made fun of! Once, I tucked myself away in a caretaker's room and pretended a vacuum cleaner was a robot, while all the other kids were playing in the gym.
Not only did I play alone, but when I did speak in small groups, I was rarely heard. It was frustrating, but something I came to accept. Even to this day I rarely get noticed. If I'm in a small group of people and ask a question, it rarely gets answered. Or if I'm talking one on one with someone, and someone else walks into the room and starts talking, I soon become forgotten about. I do hate that!
As a child, I would often rapidly flap my arms when I got excited. Kind of like a bird flaps its wings. It was almost uncontrollable. I'm sure I could have controlled it, but I was usually so overcome with excitement that I didn't. Today, when I get excited like that, I flutter my hands, like a butterfly's wings. I did that just shortly after registering here, in fact! I often make audible noises, too, like high pitched laughs (but only when I'm alone, or in the presence of my wife and kids).
I also used to rock my body for...entertainment? I'd lay on my back and rock left to right, over and over. Soon it turned in summersaults. Foreward and back. Now it's head rocking. Kind of like making a figure eight with my head. This is all done with no purpose. Just for comfort, perhaps. I usually do this to music and I daydream while doing this. And I'll usually listen to the same song (or part of it) over and over again.
I'm not sure what else to add. Other (perhaps) non-related things are, I'm necrophobic (fear of dead things) and I daydream excessively. I like being alone. I'm quite introverted, but also like people. I speak mostly well, but sometimes studder or have long pauses while I try and find the right word. I always get hung up on writing the letter "W". Sounds strange, I know! I feel that people treat me differently when we're one on one as opposed to in a group setting. But maybe that's just how people treat others? Sometimes I look at a handicapped person and wonder if people see me the way I see him/her. Other times I feel people think I'm very smart. Well, I think that's it. I know no one here can diagnose, but perhaps you can help me figure things out, or help me with info on how to diagnose. Thanks!
19 Jan 2010, 2:08 am
