New, confused user.

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone,

I'm Whisper, a design student from the UK. I'm female, Dyspraxic (news of which is fairly new to me, but I'm diagnosed), and have OCD (which is very, very old news).

I've suspected I have Asperger's for a few years now. I've always been awful at social interaction/group interaction, I've avoided peer groups/friendship groups like the plague, and the only people throughout school, college and later life that I've had friendships with have been almost all people with ASD's. That was pretty odd in itself, but I never really payed it any mind until later in life (I'm 20 now, and onto University, where all the same is occurring).

It took me a while to even consider the idea, since my mother (a special needs teacher, and nasty person) used to use "Oh, you're just Asperger's." in a derogatory sense towards me when I was young, since she knew it cut close enough to hurt, and was an easy way to win an argument and make me upset. It took me a good few years to pick out the barbs that were left from that, and so I reacted pretty badly when a friend first pointed it out that I seem to have a lot of the traits. But about 8 months ago I had a real breakdown over the strain of my social difficulties, and ended up crying my eyes out on a friend's shoulder. That's when someone pointed out that it might be Dyspraxia, and I got diagnosed for that.

But it doesn't seem to cover the whole of it. I do have a lot of co-ordination difficulties, but what really troubles me is my social awkwardness/clumsiness, shyness, and generally just feeling like there's something other people have that lets them do these things so much more easily than I do. I also noticed that during my examination, I scored very highly in the Block Test, which Wikipedia (who doesn't love Wikipedia?) tells me is indicative of Aspergers. Plus I've noticed a lot of things that seem to match up. I bob my knee/flap my foot when I'm tense, and find it immensely relaxing. It annoys my boyfriend occasionally, but only when I end up jogging the table he's sat at. Most of the time I don't even notice I'm doing it until later. I tend to bite/nip/gnaw at people I'm affectionate with. I often don't know what to do with my arms in a social setting, to the point that my parents noticed and tried to teach me to hold them 'properly'. I seem to have an odd relationship to sensations (which might just come from my Dyspraxia, there's so much overlap), too. Bright lights of certain kinds give me headaches and discomfort, and I can't stand loud, noisy places. Likewise, things that stick to my skin, and cling film, have repulsed/scared me since I was tiny. I tend to find personal/social interactions and conversations a lot easier to do online than I do in real life. I don't seem to be set in any specific routines, though. Outside of my OCD, anyway..

That was long, and rambly, but I feel better having gotten it down. This stuff has been rushing around my head for months now. I've got a couple of Aspie friends who think I am, and one who doesn't, and it's all very confusing. I keep trying to analyze it for myself, but I know full well that I can't be objective about something that's so close and personal to me, and that really annoys me. I generally always like to work these things out on my own.

I completed a few of the tests on the "Set of scientific tests.." thread. I'll post them here to give a general idea.

Autistic Qoutient: 29
BAP: Socially Odd: 126 aloof, 65 rigid and 101 pragmatic
Highly Sensative Person: 16
Read the Mind in the Eye Test: 29
Aspie Quiz: As: 115/200 NT: 105/200 Conclusion: You seem to have both Aspie and nuerotypical traits.

I'm not going to do the whole 'Internet, please diagnose me' bit since I know that ultimately it could never be conclusive, but any advice/experiences/informal opinions would be appreciated on whether it sounds that way, or if it is just my Dyspraxia giving me a hard time. If I am Aspie, it would explain a heck of a lot, and if it turns out I'm not, then I learn a bit more about a minority group who for some reason I've always had very close ties with. So summoning up the courage to come here and ask should hopefully be helpful either way.

If you managed to read through all that, then thankyou! If you only skimmed, then I understand. It was a bit, erm, long..

Whisper

Welcome to WP!

I hope being here and reading some of the articles and posts will bring clarity into your life.

Hello Whisper, welcome,

Good that you found the scientific tests in the General Autism Discussion forum.

Enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

I thought you was my sister at first thinking why would she use WP when she doesn't have clue about it... I only just realised that you're not after reading that long story. Your practically the same age as her and you use the same nickname she would use in forums.

Anyways welcome to wrongplanet, i can't do a colourful welcome, i'm on my mobile phone however make yourself feel comfortable and hope to see you around

Happy Posting


superboyian.

Thanks!

I had a consultation with the AS specialist at Uni today. He said I present pretty typically for a person with Aspergers, but he's not in a position to diagnose. I need to go and see my GP. In the meantime, I should talk to my course tutors about my social difficulties, and a careers advisor at Uni about how to not let them interfere with my job searching. I told him about my anxieties over having to work in retail or a call centre postgraduation, and he said there are ways of getting around that.

Then I spoke to the head lecturer of my course, who knows me quite well. When I explained what the matter was (my problems with group work, and how that'll affect working in theatre), he said it's a big conversation that we need to have next term, but it will probably have a negative impact.. He said there are lots of subspecialities within the industry, and I could focus on what I really like doing in one of those. That, at least, sounds promising. I've devoted my life to sewing and costuming, I don't want my social problems to get in the way now. -.-

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi Whisper.

I'm with one foot in the NT world and with one foot in the Aspie world as well. But I am twice as old as you so I've learned some social skills during the years. I have always had problems adjusting in jobs the best result I get when I work in a small company with both men and women. Women only doesn't work for me, I don't get the way they talk about girly things and I am a woman. I rather work with men or by my self. I hope all goes well during the discussion.

Urgh.


So the Disability Officer at Uni told me that I seem to present as Aspergers and have many of the traits. He also said that it's often not picked up as much in girls. He said that there's a local Adult Aspergers psych team who could diagnose me on the NHS, and that I'd have to see my GP for a referral.

So I booked an appointment with the GP, but it turned out that my usual one had gone to another surgery for Xmas (it's a University surgery, so they're closed most of the holiday) and that I'd have to see another doctor there. I said fine, which turned out to be a big mistake. The replacement doctor didn't have one clue what he was talking about. When I told him I suspect I have Aspergers, the first thing he did was be incredibly patronising and tell me it's only ever caught in children, then he Googled 'Aspergers' while I sat there gobsmacked, and proceeded to tell me that only Paediatricians deal with it, so he couldn't possibly refer me.

He then looked at my medical record, saw that I'm trans, and immediately wrote off my concerns. He brushed me off and said 'Oh, well you've got lots of problems at the moment, so it's probably that' (read: Oh, well you're trans, and you know what they're like) and insisted on referring me to a general psychiatrist.

This left me absolutely ruined. I spent the next 12 hours crying my eyes out, then the next day after that. I've really had a terrible emotional breakdown over all of this. I had a meeting with a course tutor, and just ended up in floods of tears while he tried to console me.

I know that this will only be a delay rather than an end to my diagnosis, but still. To go through such an intense self-revalation that recontextualises so much of my life, only to have it brushed off by an incompetent who didn't even know the diagnostic criteria, really was the last straw that sent me over the edge.

I'm feeling more stable now, though still kinda bleak. I've told my family I won't be visiting for Xmas, just a couple of days after. I need a week to just be on my own and get back into my proper headspace.

Whew ... and that same kind of system is coming to America!

Can you go back to your regular doctor and try again in a couple of weeks?

Hi Whisper, and welcome -- GET A NEW GP. PRONTO!

I did! I had to change three times before finding one that didn't treat me in a patronizing way. I can't STAND it when they do that.

Finally got one who listens and explains and works WITH me.

Everyone needs that.