Hello, after 57 years of isolation, I think I understand.

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Hello anyone. Are you there?

I looked at my early childhood pictures (three years old I think), and thought, what a strange look I have, like oxygen deprived or something. Others see this cute little boy. But I see a strange vacancy that I relate to too plainly.

Asked to volunteer for "normal" MRI scan, I look at my 30 year old brain and see an atypical, asymmetrical brain that reminds me of me. The morphology is odd, gaunt, like a van Goethe caricature. An embarrassing experience to see myself thus.

I managed to hide behind the rubric, "distracted scientist", "goes by the beat of a different drummer." Now the unique gifts that fueled my contracting firms success has faded among the over-abundance of computer geeks that would love to do what I did, and I have to rely, not on technical skills, but on social skills. I found I was lacking, and did not know why. Teaching was a disaster in spite of many who thought my explanations were particularly lucid and pedagogic. It takes a year to get the hang of the routines, and to learn the kids. Each year finishes well, with excellent testing on the part of my "kids". But tenure reviews fail. Something is wrong, no-one knows what. I feel wrong, like a fraud. I complained bitterly that something is wrong with my mind but that there was no diagnosis for what it was.

Yesterday, my estranged wife calls and tells me that she thinks I have Asperger's syndrome, and I feel relieved. She feels relieved. She understands that my meanness and coldness was neither mean, nor cold. I lack the ability to pick up social queues: I am not ignoring her. She now understands that my failure to pick up her emotional queues has nothing to do with my love for her. I never could pick up these queues and do not even now know what she is talking about. But that's OK now because there is this label, Aspergers, that gives me permission to be strange. I don't have to be a fraud anymore.

So now I can begin to figure out what type of work I am qualified to do? Perhaps I can tell my present or future employer and that will make it OK? Or should I work for myself, because no employer will hire an Asperger's person. I was lost. Now I am found, yet still am I lost. What now?

Xxyzzy

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I'd elaborate but I'm off to bed. I hope you enjoy it here.

Welcome to WrongPlanet and welcome to my time warp.

Firstly Do not panic. I guess that things might be a bit wild and scary right now if you are considering for the first time that you might have AS.

My advice would be, if you have not done so already, is to take the AQ test and the aspie test (http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt113459.html) and see what your scores are.

I would also suggest that you read about AS, if you want I can provide a reading list.

Also for now keep your mouth shut about AS to your boss, also be very careful who you tell that you have AS. My advice would be do not tell anyone in authority until your have an official diagnosis.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Welcome greetings to the WP neighborhood, fellow-traveler Xxyzzy.

Hello xxyzzy, welcome,

I hope you will find the information and support you need here.

Enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

To WrongPlanet!! !