Hi. I came here to learn about Aspergers because my husband most definitely has it, but while learning more about it, I have discovered it describes a lot my experiences too. I was diagnosed with a mood disorder, possibly ADHD, and depression, but I never felt those diagnoses fit quite right. It turns out that the elements of those disorders that I have experienced are also symptoms of Aspergers, which would explain why none of the medications helped at all. I am pleased to have a better description that fits my experience better. I think it runs in my family because some family members have very similar traits. My whole family has always considered ourselves to be very weird in general. I have suspicions that it runs in my husband's family as well. Before either of us even knew much about Aspergers, he joked that "we will definitely have autistic kids someday" and I was like, "cool, sounds good." Our greatest fear has always been that we will have outgoing, well-adjusted children that want to play football and go tanning.
Our relationship has been like that episode of Star Trek, "The Next Phase" (TNG season 5) At the beginning, we were like Ro and Geordie, out of phase with everyone else and therefore invisible, but in phase with each other. At some point, we got out of phase with each other and it's like we're occupying the same space and time but not really detecting each other. When he talks I don't understand the meaning and the same happens to him when I talk. It's very frustrating. I have read descriptions of Aspie relationships and they sound similar to what we're experiencing. That gives me hope. Now all I need is a Romulan phase inverter.
I feel scared to self-identify as an Aspie because in the past when I've either self-identified or been diagnosed by a professional with other disorders, a lot of people have reacted really badly and made me feel like I am just being "lazy" and trying to "get out of responsibility" or that I am a hypochondriac for trying to do my own research. I am afraid to go back to a psychiatrist because they make me feel like I'm a "normal" person being an "impostor" of a "crazy" person for attention or something. Even the well-meaning ones give me this feeling. It's really unnerving and makes me feel like I'm not even a real person at all, because even though I know my weird issues are real, I also feel like they're not. I guess that would be the phase decay that happens if you stay inverted too long if I were to extend the metaphor. Also I start to notice Aspie traits in my friends and I don't know if I'm just seeing it everywhere, or if I have unconsciously sought out friends who have the same issues as me.
Anyway sorry this is so long, but I needed to talk about it and in this continuing game of Pin The Disorder On Emilie I am still hoping for some answers maybe.
21 Jun 2010, 3:02 am
