I'm new....and a lil' sad

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Hi everybody, I'm a 22 year old girl from Australia and I'm feeling a little sad at the moment cos I dunno whether I have AS or not. I know I'm not the first person to register here and ask whether they have AS but here are hard facts of my life so far, just to gain your opinions. Dont worry, I wont take it as a diagnosis.

1. I have a hard time making friends and talking to people in general - throughout my early years in school I had one or two friends and that was it. everyone else avoided me coz I never talked to anyone other than my friends. I never participated in after school sports either.
When I reached my first year of high school the crap hit the fan.
My overt shyness combined with strange new class mates and learning environments made me an easy target for bullies. I was in the school counsellors room every other week sitting there silent cos I wouldnt talk to him. He decided mediation with the bullies was the answer, but that didnt really do anything. The bullies said they harassed me because I was " a snob who never said hello to them". The rest of my schooling years were awkward to say the least, sitting on the outside of friendship circles but hanging around the people that were in the circle just so it appeared that I was friends with them. I daydreamed and stared a lot which meant I became the wierd gal as well. The staring got mis-interpreted and all the gals thought I was a homosexual that was perving on them . Now I am in a work environment and IT IS HARD fitting in.
The old lady that works there constantly reminds me how much of an alien I am and how much I need to grow up ( I cant help it if I have the mindset of a 15 yr old). I am pretty much doomed to the filing room and the photocopier until I do grow up. Well, at least she knows my limits . To this day I am still quite shy.

2. I have Phobias and OCD tendencies - hand washing(at least a dozen times a day), hair pulling, fidgeting (destructive fidgeting like ripping things and breaking things), germs in public places, shaking hands, having things even, germs at work and home, Oh did I mention germs?. oddly enough my bedroom is very untidy . Maybe I should stop watching my fave show, Monk.
Obsessive and recurring thoughts about TV shows, movies, real people. Paranoia

3. I have to have things planned and organised - This is neccesary cos I absolutely cannot think of things off the top of my head. I'm not capable of 'winging it' so to speak. If I am planning to approach someone I must have it written down, like palm cards if I am giving a speech. Thats why I like posting on forums rather than chatting cos I can plan what I want to say and take time making my post.
I'm currently employed as a book-keeper at an accounting firm and the partners will expect me to interact with clients one day. What happens if the client is really pushy and asks me an off the wall question?, I'll be there going "oh, errr, ummm, ahhh". I just dont think I can be professional one day.

4. I cant express myself emotionally - I can understand other people when they express emotion but I cant really express my own in words. I can show it on my face. Problems showing affection to BF's ( well thats what the former BF drummed into my head, honestly I did get sick of having to share his breathing space). I'm overly sensitive, it doesnt take much to make me cry.
I dont like changes in my daily routine. Up until october last year I used to wear my hair in the same ponytail that I had worn since primary school.
I can only concentrate on one thing at a time too.

I've seen GP's, Psychologists, Therapists, even a Kinesiologist in order to get an explanation for the way I am but to no avail. Sorry if I rambled on and if my case is rather one sided. Gaining your sympathy isnt what I desire either. Just your honest opinion.
Phew, I think thats all I have to say.


blue_bean

Alright, blue_bean? Hope you like this place and the people that frequent it.

Nice to meet you. You sound a lot like me to be honest. If it wasn't for you being a girl I'd probably think you were my doppleganger.

From what I know of Aspergers (I've been an aspie all my life), you don't have it, you've got a couple of other things that aren't serious (in the sense that they're not going to kill you and you're not going to go insane), but need some treatment by a psychiatrist.

If you're really disappointed that I don't think you have Aspergers' then you can decide you do and go from there, but I'm hearing a couple of things from your letter that don't necessarily have to be "fixed," but you need to figure out a way to overcome them, because you don't sound like someone who ought to be confined to the files and the copier.

And the old lady at work who says you don't seem like you're from this planet....well.....to heck with her. We're all from this planet.... you too.

Beentheredonethat

Thank you for your advice and opinions so far guys, it means a lot . Thank you stallion_72 for posting that link, that site contained a treasure trove of information.
I will try to see a GP in the very near future, preferably the one who I was seeing last year and stuff. I think he takes appointments on saturdays . I hope he takes appointments on saturdays

Hi!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope your feelings improve, and I hope you enjoy posting here equally as much!

Hi,
Your school days sound almost exactly the same as mine...
Whar part of Australia are you from? Curious.

Hi everyone, thank you.

Northern NSW is my place of residence.

I've seen a few Australians while lurking, thats cool

hiya,

As for weather you are AS or not i am unsure. However there is nothing wrong with assuming you are and if it helps you with your mental space then go for it. as it has been said it is a spectrum. but it is not nesseseraly a startit spectrum. Many people find that they are aspie when they are older but they have allredy found coping mechnisms. This is what i have done, and in many ways it hide my aspiness very very well.

I think you should be proud to be you. Welcome to the forum, I hope you have a very intresting and fun time here.

jammie

Thanks guys. After taking a few days away from home at uni (res.school) I've had time to think about things.
I went to the library at the uni and read a few books on aspergers (they werent easy to find, the library has like five floors ) and found that some of the criteria for diagnosis I dont relate to.
Maybe in my mind I dont relate to them but that is a matter of perception I guess. Someone else may see that I do fit all the criteria.
Other things to add to the mix:
- Routine - I luuurve routine, same thing for lunch everyday, same hairdo for years on end.
- Looking people in the eye - that I just cant do, I look at thier face (nose, mouth) but never directly into thier eyes.
Just this week passed at res. school I found it impossible to approach people and talk to them.
Everyone had fallen into thier own little group of friends except for me, I must have looked very lost just walking around looking at the walls. It was this aspie thing that was bugging me and playing on my mind, will I seem wierd if I dont talk to them?, what if I say something stupid?. I couldnt tell them I was an aspie, just in case it was a down right lie.
I hope I do have AS, I can get diagnosed and throw a piece of paper called a doctors certificate into that old ladies face.
But, if I dont have AS, at least there are some great people hear who can read my ranting, and there is a lot more ranting about my life to come

You're welcome!