Hey everyone. Haven't been on here in a while but I figured I'd talk to those who might understand. In my struggle to find out what I should do in this world, I have come to the realization that it is far more advantageous for me to be a loner. I still have the basic desire for friends/realtionship, but because this society is the way it is, it just doesn't seem like that is in my cards. I have always been picked on in school and some of the guys at work STILL tease me about not having a woman at 31. I will tell some people that I'm lonely and all they say is "Oh, you'll find somebody one day". It just doesn't seem like anyone is really willing to help me on this (focused on their own selfish lives) so I just kind of give up and try to eak out as much pleasure as I can from being a loner. I am far happiest at home when gaming or doing nature stuff in the field by myself. The only "social life" I have is at work and everyday I am reminded why I cannot stand social humans. I want to impress the guys, but I just think that getting involved with a woman is not worth it for me and may even make things worse. I constantly wonder why this world is the way it is. I also wonder if we humans are something else other than animals. It just seems like people focus on the social primate activity of picking on "weak links" like me. This is why it seems like there is a "conspiracy" against me in pairing up and why I just don't ever think I'll be able to. Even my mother (whom I still live with) and sisters don't seem to ever encourage me. I have said pretty depressing things to them and others about the way I am and it always comes back to haunt me. I hate the fact that we live in a world where people only want to hear certain things. I want to try to be creative and showcase my ideas somehow (I was going to write) but I just think it would be better for me to be a nobody and I no longer care. -Nick-
19 Jul 2010, 5:06 pm
