Can you point me in the right direction or offer me help?

Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ]

Joined: 3 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

13 Jul 2010, 8:02 am

Hi,

I joined Wrong Planet a couple of weeks ago but this is the first time posting so I hope I'm posting in the right place. I suppose I'm on here two-fold, one as a mother of a son with Aspergers(diagnosed) and another as I have a partner who is currently in the process of being assessed to see if he has Aspergers.

I in particular cope extremely well with my son and to be truthful he is a pleasure and probably the nicest person I've ever came across my entire life. On the other hand, I am finding it extremely stressful and difficult and I'm at a loss about how I could cope more effectively with my partner of 4 years.

To give you a little background, my partner (aged 49) has just recently been referred to begin the process of being assessed so as you can imagine his life has been turned upside down recently which is causing more upset than normal. I don't doubt for a second that he isn't Aspergers. What I'm looking for on here is anyone of a similar age or the partner of somone, who was diagnosed later in life to find out how they coped, how their loved ones coped, strategies you or your partner have put in place to try and have a harmonius relationship.

My partner understandably is grieving in some way and like any form of grieving he will go through various stages so he isn't at the stage yet of looking for a brighter future, he's more at the angry, things are awful, everythings a mess, how can I change my ways after 49 years, it's impossible stage. Basically I'm looking for someone to tell me things can work out.
I'd really appreciate some help here as I don't know where to turn.

Thanks,
Yvonne

Brainfre3ze_93
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Jun 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,912
Location: Not here

13 Jul 2010, 8:13 am

Welcome!

Blake_be_cool
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 860
Location: Australia, NSW, Sydney

13 Jul 2010, 9:00 am

Welcome!

_________________
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal', must necessarily be 'inferior'."
- Hans Asperger (1938)

JetLag
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Aug 2008
Age: 76
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,762
Location: California

13 Jul 2010, 10:27 am

Hello and welcome to the WP forums, Yvonne. You may wish to check out a few of the Wrong Planet's forums as well as their stickies:
In-Depth Adult Life Discussion: http://www.wrongplanet.net/forum32.html
The Haven Forum: http://www.wrongplanet.net/forum23.html
Parents’ Discussion Forum: http://www.wrongplanet.net/forum19.html
General Autism Discussion Forum: http://www.wrongplanet.net/forum3.html& ... d7b12051de
All the best to you and your family.

_________________
Stung by the splendor of a sudden thought. ~ Robert Browning

AspieWolf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Apr 2010
Age: 81
Gender: Male
Posts: 657
Location: Out of my mind. Back in 10 minutes.

13 Jul 2010, 12:34 pm

Welcome to WP!

Well, I'm a bit older than your partner, but definitely AS and living with a NT partner. The AS diagnosis does not bother me much personally, in that it does not make me angry and such, but it does cause many relationship problems. The short answer is that my partner has learned to simply lie low and leave me alone for a few days, or weeks, and just let me work through things alone. Her attempts at helping me only result in more problems, since I react VERY negatively to outside "help", or just plain interference from my point of view and that only makes things worse. Yes, I know that she is concerned and wants to help, bet sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action.

_________________
"A man needs a little madness...or else...he never dares cut the rope and be free."
Nikos Kazantzakis, ZORBA THE GREEK

Some of us just have a little more madness than others!

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

13 Jul 2010, 2:41 pm

Having AS can cause relationship problems but relationship problems can exist regardless. All couples having difficulties in their relationship should seek couples counseling, only in this case, it would be preferable that the therapist be familiar with adults with AS.

If he does have AS, you need to be direct with him.

CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,247
Location: In my own little country

13 Jul 2010, 6:32 pm

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

_________________
The Family Schlager

y99von
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 3 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

09 Aug 2010, 5:05 am

Hi,

Thanks to everyone who replied to me and for the nice welcomes.

My partner has now been diagnosed with AS and is a bit low just now though also relieved that he has now been diagnosed. One minute he seems happy then the next he isn't. It's quite difficult from an NT's perspective to try and understand how he must be feeling. I'm trying my best though.

I'm slowly learning that the way I communicate with him needs to be better and more precise. I need to think about how I word things before I say something wrong.

He's deep down a very strong person so I'm sure he'll benefit from having been diagnosed with AS as it will allow him a basis to start building strategies into his life to make it easier for him.

Anyway, once again thanks for the replies.

Yvonne