AS Problem

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Greetings fellow Aspers,

Okay, here's my story. I'm 24 years old. I'm a highschool dropout and I have never had a job. My social life, and even in general has always been, well in a word, horrible. There are even times where I could consider it nightmareish. In late middle school, I have even gotten death threats... and I was never sure why. I've been raised by my grandparents who almost never deciplined me, though I never tried to do anything bad. I was always a "problem child" but had good intentions. I never new what was wrong, till recently.

Of all things that it could've been that made me find out about what I had was an anime charater, or more specifically, an image board thread about the character. I was browsing 4chan like I usually do, when I stumbled upon a rather large thread about the character(Wiki entry here). The posts talked about Asperger's and autism heavily, and it drew my attention as something I could possibly relate to.

I then read up on several web pages describing AS... I realized that almost every symptom matched what I'm going through... it even touched me emotionally as I read. I thought several things. "I can't have any condition, because I would've been told I did." or "If it's not a coincidence, have I found out too late?". I felt really horrible about everything that night.

I told my fiancé about it and gave her the link to the Wiki entry. She said that a lot of things match the symptoms, and that I should check more into it, so here I am. I don't know if my life situations are normal for Aspers or if I'm a plain failure... or even if I'm not an Asper and I was brought up extremely wrong(which I'd like to think isn't the case). Which is of course why I came here. To talk, to learn, and to find out how to deal with everything, if possible. I should probably seek professional help, but I don't want to make a big deal out of this yet.

If you wanna swap stories... latn702@gmail.com I can call you long distance, we'd prob have a lot to talk about.. hahah. I've figured out a lot of stuff being shut in and an agoraphobic for years on end because of my traumatic upbringing, this year I finally started coing around when I met a beautiful girl from the US, but it since didn't work out but it woke me up.

Believe me most aspies do not have jobs or have trouble holding down jobs and live with their parents/in poverty, the successful ones are *rare*.

Let me tell you my sad story:

I grew up in a fundy christian home, being my asperger self I took it all too literally, religion consumed my life and when I got a whiff of its falsehood around... 12 or so years old, my child like mind struggled to let go of it, it caused me major trauma to find out my mom was part of a crazy christian cult, in public school I became overweight early which effected my self-esteem negatively and made me a target for bullying and highschool since I didn't have the social skills to "make friends" I passively acquired all the nerdy "losers" in highschool, which were only abou 2 friends, and we'd hang out all the time after school, but being at highschool was living hell, that and my social anxiety was now so high and I had a fear of talking to girls. I had no clue you were supposed to "date" girls in highschool, I saw other people with girls, and I wanted one but it didn't occur to me how to get one at the time, I was in a lot of pain and I had been suicidal since abou 11-12 years old so I didn't think I would live long enough to even have a girlfriend.

My suicidality stemmed from: Lack of ability to socialize and fulfill my sexual and emotional needs as a guy, and trauma from my fundy religious upbringing.

Yes there IS hope, go to www.sosuave.net and check out the djbible you need to learn how to socialize by trial and error. Be glad that you have a woman, many AS guys don't, they go years without sex or affection because they simply cannot socialize with others in a way to bond and relate to them.

The fact that you have a fiance is a good sign, but know that you need to go out socialize hardcore 4 nights a week to bring yourself up to speed, or go out on the weekends to malls and talk to strangers until you get comfortable.

Trust me many aspies found out way too late, like in their 60's, be glad you've caught it at 24. My parents caught it at 19, but they had not a clue how to fix it, I finally figured it ou after 27 years (I'm 27 btw), just htis year by doing internet research. Another good book to get (search limewire / kazaa) is the Venusian arts handbook...

Also charismaarts.com has a GREAT workshop on socialization for "picking up women" but also in enabling you toconnect and befriend other people better and widen your social network, it's not cheap, but I've signed up for the Next workship upcoming where I live.

Either way be glad you have a woman, many aspies without love wither and die over time, esp if they failed out of school and went into severe isolation (i.e. not leaving the house for 6-7 years+ straight other then for food, etc). I saw someone a lot worse then us at the AS conference in toronto, he'd isolated with his mother until he was 40 or so years old and was incapable of having a job or holding one down.

Did you have a difficult birth per chance? Apparently the umbiblical cord was wrapped around my neck three times and I was born breach, there's theories that AS is a result of brain damage to the areas of the brain that deal with socialization.

I'm not sure about my birth, as I haven't seen or talked with my mother since I was 9.

And about my fiancé... I guess I probably did get pretty lucky there. I met her online. She has emotional disorders that makes her like a timid, innocent puppydog. That might've made us connect a lot better, but I love her to pieces regardless.

I don't mind the social problems much... I'm slowly learning how to get along with ppl. Plus my fiancé introduced me to a lot of cool ppl. My real problem is getting a job... I have no idea where to start. I gues that the saying "It's not what you know, but rather who you know" might help me here... my fiancé is an office lady, and got her job from a family member. I interact with family far less than any of my friends, so that don't quite help.

Why not try some crazy, hair brained scheme? Climbing your way up from the bottom is a long, boring, and useless process. It's about as likely to work as putting down 5 dollars for a lottery ticket each week. The idea of making it the hard way is just an excuse for the higher ups to get people to do their low end, minimum wage jobs. Try getting really good at something and using that. Or look for money in a really odd place that most people don't think of(new/different business, area of expertise, horse track, etc.).

yeah these things might come in useful I like Manga drawing myself
deviantart.com(crazy great site and community of artists send a page story or cartoon in)
Neo(Manga magazine with competitions)
SheezyArt.com (not sure of exact address nother art site)
London art and comic con(vention) ExcEL site JUly 6and7
and I'm really encouraged to meet you as a person who has found a girl with emotional problems like me, there is hope for us quiet ones yet! For those without dates I have met a boyfriend through just saying hello at the bus stop and telling about my hobbies and listening to his. Or a hobby based club. Those who like you will pursue you and I'm sorry it seems men have to ask for dates I think sometimes girls do these days or say they fancy you. Just be nice and listen to what they say as well as what you want to., and suggest places to go.
Faith is not only found in cults do not give up on people, nature and respecting and believing in yourself and others. Some kind of spirit gives hope and I find it in Manga and Anime drawing. Good luck!

Kazami, hi.

It IS posible to have a job, but you have to get UP, you have to
decide and take responsibility. This sounds hard, believe me,
but I've passed through it, and I know it's hard, specially if you
think that you can't. Shed off that thinking, and just start working,
stop thinking too much and, as the Nike slogan "just do it".

I've had many of the feelings you mentioned, these have lot to
do with self-steem and a bit of depression. And I tell you man,
people can give you lots of advice and try to help you out,
but only when you realize that no one but yourself has to do
what must be done, only then you will get up.

Try to get a part-time job, it doesn't matter if its being a cashier or
whatever. Money is money, and that always helps.

Sorry man if I sounded rude/harsh, sorry, didn't mean to sound rude, just wanted to express what worked for me.