Undiagnosed, misunderstood, an introduction

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Hi there wrong planet!! ! After years of uncertainty, about 10 diagnoses, 25 different (pointless) medications, and 9 changes of schools, my Mother discovered the Aspergers diagnoses. Everything finally made sense. The years of sensory issues, social problems, clumsiness, and self hatred, I had an idea of who I was. I was 16 then, and due to the lack of inexpensive autism specialists, I am still as yet undiagnosed. But I know what I am. I am not Neurotypical, and some days I am okay with it, whereas some days I am not. Again, due to expenses (I am in college and that is where all of mine and my parents' money goes) I am undiagnosed, and have never had therapy for my "issues," as dear old Mom calls them. I think that my biggest issue is the fact that because I am so high functioning, it is a low priority. I get very little emotional support on this from my parents, and they are constantly telling me to "just deal with it". I wish I could. I want to be able to turn my autistic bits off and on as they suit me. My parental relationship has gotten so tense because of it that I have to live away from them in order for them to not hate me. I was also born with craniosynostosis, so I am not only uncomfortable in my mind, but in my body as well. I have only ever met one other Aspie, but he was manipulative, and wanted me to deal with my issues in the same way he dealt with his. On that note, I would love to connect with people who understand and will not shun me. I am so excited to be able to have an outlet where I can explain everything that has happened, and how I've reacted. I'm excited to not have to worry about explaining WHY I reacted the way I did, or why I can't understand certain things (like eye contact- stupid eye contact ::shakes fist::), or why I'm so awkward. I want to be able to cover my ears mid conversation because of a loud noise, and not have to say, time and time again, "Sorry, it's a thing I do." I want to have a significant other. (On a side note, I recently read that the Dutch released a statistic that has Aspergers divorce rates at 80% -how depressing is that?) I want to have friends who are not just in it because they are nice to everybody, or because they want to get something from me. If I ever find a way to fix my bad habits, I wish to one day lead a normal life. Here's hoping.

Hello and welcome to WP!

Hey Daisy, welcome. You'll probably find people here who are a bit more understanding.

I hope you find what you need.

Welcome greetings to the Wrong Planet neighborhood, Daisy.

"Deal with it" BAH. Thats what they tell me,
and I DO deal with it, just not the way They
want me to, but it is how I Deal with it,
and I am not changing.

If they don't like how I deal with it,
it isn't my problme, its theirs and I
aint doing nothign about it.

not that i ever cood anway.

Welcome!

Welcome to WrongPlanet! We all know how that feels.

(By the way, your signature line is one of my favourite Anais Nin quotes.)

Welcome!

Thank you all for the support. I feel like if I were to air that rant in public, people would look at me quizzically (which I probably wouldn't catch), mutter "Crazy," and walk away :-p And LittleTigger, I've had soooo many people say "Deal with it" to me when I can't explain my quirks. I feel like I'm in a frickin' Twilight Zone episode where I'm speaking German and the rest of the world only speaks French.

and PS Jeyradan, your icon made me laugh for a solid 3 minutes