I have come here in order to getting a step closer into knowing who I am and the kind of people that I can relate to. So far, the only kind of people that I can relate to is schizoids since I don't have any real care to be social around other people and I try to find way to avoid interaction since I really don't want to waste my time talking to other people not gaining any real pleasure.
I was diagnosed with a form of rubella syndrome (forgot the name though) disease that complicates my life after I have been infected and the disease stop going worse throughout vaccine which leads me to become deaf. From what I have heard, people with that form of rubella does shows that there is a high prevalence of autism disorders into that group. While I'm not going to diagnose myself, I do believe it does explain some of my past behavior such as not crying as a baby, staring into empty space, missing out on social cues, lacking social skills for someone my age.I only started to learn more about social skills while developing lack of interact to socialization at 7th grade although my knowledge and lack of interest into socialization came by into it peak by 9th grade. I was more aware of things when I was in 9th grade. The main reason why I gone into here is my friend have suggested that not crying as a baby can indicate a form of autism and the high prevalence of people with a form of rubella syndrome exhibiting autistic traits.
Here's my social life which I have wrote a few months ago.
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During my time as a baby, I was someone who was enjoying looking into the world and walking around without having people talking to me and I was found to be a diagnosed severely deaf person at the age of 2 due to the fact that the doctor take in account of the fact that I didn't react to specific sound. I was in America back in the day of diagnose temporarily, but I didn't stay into here till my brother was born in my homeland. As a young child, I didn't find myself to be socializing too much with other people and I prefer to do tasks that requires minimal socializing. What I am as an artist has started with crappy building and city for fun at the age of 2. It's not a serious hobby at all back at that age.
My parents have taught me their belief that socializing with other people is a very important neccessity and there's a problem when you do not want to talk around other people. I actually listened to them starting to into their side of social chart, but I wasn't really consious of my own actions especially into social situations, so I find myself behaving differently at specific times and conditions when I look back into my day before middle school have started for me. No matter how much I really socialize, I couldn't socialize as well as a normal person and my social development wasn't good enough till I got into high school. During the time of being into middle school, I was learning more about social interation, but that didn't stop me from the fact that I can't figure out how to socialize with other people properly.
The consequences of having not to socialize with other people haven't really bothered me at all during the time of being in middle school. When I have been buillied, pressured, and harmed by some bullies while being pressured by parents and teachers, I have been wanting to scream hard breaking things while my desires to socialize have decreased a whole lot. As the years passed, my care to being around other people have dropped down. I was the kind who questioned the values of society and schooling as the more I see people have problems with their own life which isn't their own fault. I have become more tolerant of other people which got me into the habit of realizing which problem they have before doing anything unlike other people who prefers to avoid knowing their problem and judges on attitude/behavior when that isn't the case.
During my time into being at high school, my social skills has improved significantly to the point where I can interact with other people while being consious of my own actions. I wasn't really happy going through high school as there are social and environmental factors which makes me want to be alone and resolve things by myself without any guides. I felt more comfortable being alone and staying out of people's way which caused me to become more of a schizoid than someone who have social development problems.
The more I experimented being alone and discovering things for myself, the more I knew reasons why socialization didn't give me benefits as much as other people and advantages when it comes to not being around other people. I have been told by my parents that it's a human neccessity to interact with other people. I tried finding reasons for them to know why I prefer to be alone, but I couldn't find one since they wouldn't understand and it's hard to relate with them.
25 Oct 2010, 3:25 pm
