high school refusaul

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hi can anyone help a mum with advice on parentig teenage girls in distress /high school/8O. i am a mother with two teenage girls both are having different but the same problems caused by autism. it is hard to poor my heart out online but my heart is breaking because i remember the pain of being a autistic teenager and feeling that i didnt belong to anyone or anyting.i need to do the right thing by my girls but i have to figh allthe time,either the education dept or the girls but usually both. i am tired and looking for support not critism, i need adive not slagging off, please is this to a call of desperation!! !!.

Last edited by ozkaz on 29 May 2006, 8:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Looks like you need to call the psychic hotline, because you expect people to be able to help you without explaining anything about your situation or giving any details. Oh wait, oops, psyhics are scammers, so looks like you are out of luck

Well lets see, I manage to survive raising one, my mother managed to survive raising 4. I'm glad I only had to raise the one. There were days when I wondered if I'd ever keep my sanity. I have a daughter and a son, and ALL THEIR FRIENDS. I think whats important is to have your house open for kids to hang out. BUT ONLY IF PARENTS ARE HOME. My kids were supervised, but not intruded upon. they knew that it wasn't them I had the problem with....it was the world around them. So yeah, I was fiercly protective, and they knew that. Home was a safe place, my husband and I supported them on their projects and school activities. When we went out, they knew who we were with,where we were going, how to get ahold of us, and when we were coming home, and a phone call from us if we were going to be late. We in returned expected the same from them. If not....then they just weren't going anywhere for awhile. We taught our daughter the importance of respecting herself. She never would have in a million years ran to some guy honking his horn, like a dog would to his master's whistle. They wanted her, they had to come to the door like a gentleman, or she wouldn't go, and would not be allowed to anyways. It's important for your sisters to respect themselves as women, to give it and in return...insist upon it being given to them. To walk with dignity and conduct themselves as ladies at all times. Both my kids knew, if we ever suspected they were involved in drugs,alcohol or anything that would threaten their saftey, that yes, we would certainly search and go through their rooms and everything they own THOROUGHLY.......and we make no apologies for that. We were very fortunate that neither of our kids got involved with drugs nor alcohol. They tell me now as adults it just never appealed to them. So different my kids were then from me when I was a teen. I was wild and stupid. Now my daughter was more hard headed then my son. But a friend of hers recommened a book called "The Purpose Driven Life" and that was a big turning point for her. That was around the time she was feeling very disallusioned with high school. And wasn't sure what she wanted to do. My husband and I suggested she figure out what her hobbies are and major in them for college. So as she was finding her way, that book really helped guide her. And tell your mom.....pray,pray,pray. It's scarrey being a parent. Expecally to teens in this day and age. I would be on my knees asking for wisdom and also for my children to be protected, and to basically help me to just calm down and get a grip. Tell your mom not to be quick to react....practice S.T.A.R.....Stop, Think, Ask and then Respond. Sometimes teens have logical reasons for doing what you all do, we need to not react first. Hard.....Very Hard. But thats the joy of parenting.

Oh about high school....my kids went, behaved themselves, or I would go with them, sit next to them, and follow them around school. If they wanted to drive, their freedom,their stuff...then SCHOOL WAS A MUST. Period. My daughter did have some problems and needed our help...thats different. The school felt she could handle 4 Advance Placement Coarses, WRONG, and she did try. They suggested she drop her dance classes or track...WRONG. And she enjoyed watching us work the solution out on HER BEHALF. She tried, those classes were over her head...well 4 at once was, and the school's ego of one more student in those above her head coarses was the least of what we cared about. It's good for parents to insist on excellence, but not be stupid about it. So yeah.....parents need to have their kids backs as well as expect their kids to do well, or the best that they can.

no, i dont really need a hotline . what i was looking for was help in a time of total desperation. i am sorry that you misunderstood me

Ozkaz, When my daughter was a teen we were in a similar situation. I remember how it felt very well. It's awfully hard. Would it help you feel a little better if I told you that at the time I didn't think I would make it and that things would never be better, but they did get better? I'm hoping things start getting better for you too. I hope you won't give up with this website, there are a lot of parents here and we know it's not easy.

thank you thankyou thankyou . i needed to know i wasnt alone. i was having a bit of a roll in my own misery.not every day is hard and i find my girls are good value and a couple of dags. we do have a sense of humour( we need it sometimes). i really needed a bit of support. i find having a autisic family socially isolating.

Raising teens has got to be the hardest job in the world. And Aspie/Autistic issues are certainly very isolating. Hang in there, you'll make it .

I have one autistic son. I'm ready to kill him.....and that's on a good day. He dropped out of school, stays up all night, and talks about what he wants to do for a living, (without realizing that you need a highschool diploma).

I feel like you do (in another post) I want to go into a room, close the door, and unplug the phone.

However, I'm not going to kill the kid, or isolate myself, or any of that. I'm just going to smile and figure that things will work out. Keep your chin up. We're all here to help each other.

Oh, and by the way, I have aspergers too, but I got through most of it.....and until I retired, made an obscenly good living.

BTDT

I was just saying that if you want help, you need to write more than 1 vague sentence. People cannot help you effectively unless you explain your situation and provide details. I see now that you have edited your original message and added more info -- this is good but it is still rather vague and thus it is difficult to help you. If you write another message with more details of your situation, people here will probably be more responsive and helpful.

On the other hand, maybe you were doing the NT habit of seeking non-specific emotional support rather than actual help. OK if you just want emotional support, then providing details of your situation is unnecessary, but I have to warn you that often Aspies are not very good at providing emotional support, so if you are seeking emotional support rather than help, this is not a very good place to seek it.