New and unsure of my "status"- possible ASD almost

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Hello! I'm going through the process of discovering more about my child's social struggles. Academically he excels far beyond his peers but socially and communication wise, he is most likely on the spectrum. This has sent us on a crazy journey of self discovery for ourselves and the future of our children. I'm a happily married military wife. I've taken some online tests that show it quite possible that my own struggles are more likely related to being on the spectrum as well- ADD as a child/depression/anxiety issues now.

I wonder what can be gained from correctly labeling a "duck as a duck" when it comes to the world of ASD? I know for our son, I have concerns about his being able to "get along" with his peers. But for myself, perhaps approaching my struggles with this new light I might find more peace in who I am and success at self improvement?

We have a school label for my son and are looking at EFMP program (I hear we don't need a med dx for that because of our son's speech delay) and I wonder also, if my spouse and I were able to make it to adulthood as we are now, what would be the downfall of having our child fight the same fight? I know in some ways, my own struggles have made me a better person... I know we want better for our kiddos but what if removing struggles made them less likely to have the same successes we did?

Sorry for a super loaded intro!!

How many people pursued diagnosis as adults? At what point would you do that? Are there books or online resources that would be beneficial before looking into the professional route?

Welcome!

Lots. There seem to be quite a few adults who have only learned about it because of the internet. For someone who's spent their entire life being told how stubborn and lazy they are for not being able to do things that most people think are simple, its a great relief to discover that not only does their condition have a name, but that lots of other people have the same problems. Its one thing to 'know it' on paper, something else entirely to have it officially confirmed. But there is a process you go through. First its freeing and positive to know you're not the only person who has been going through this, then there seems to be a period where you realize that now that you have a name for it, its incurable and there's not much you can do change it, ever. Of course, if you get diagnosed as an adult, you've known that internally for years, that it was never going to change, but still its kind of depressing to see that confirmed. Then after a while, you come out the other side and find acceptance of it all. But it does change the way you understand yourself and the concept you have of who you really are. And if at any point in your life you ever need to file for disability or something the official diagnosis would be something you'd have to have.

Hello and welcome to WrongPlanet Cookswife

It is still something I am not sure about, whether getting a diagnosis would be beneficial or not. Avengilante you surely have a point there, when/if you ever need an official diagnosis then you would have it, however I have been wondering if it is something employers could use against you, do you have to disclose it when you are looking for a job?

Shadi

Greetings, Cookswife, and welcome to the Wrong Planet community.

I think I'm at the freeing part. I have no idea about diagnosis or if it is even something I'd want to pursue. I mean how likely is it that I am certain that I am on the spectrum but am wrong? Perhaps I could talk to my doctor about it and just get an idea if he's noticed? He picked up on my son... I've taken online tests and my scores are wildly different from that of others taking them. My own research and advocacy for my son has taught me lots about how not a "sickness" Aspergers is and that different wiring should be embraced. I've heard that in other places around the world, people with disabilities and delays are often encouraged more to work on their strengths than expected to try to meet the mold. I guess I'm saying I'm not afraid of the idea of being on the spectrum as much as I am finding all the pieces to make sense now... And approaching my son as though I am some how typical and he is not makes things far more frustrating when I kept saying to myself over and over "I have no idea how to teach him these things!" - Well that's because they don't come naturally for me either- in fact they make me quiet stressed and I'm thinking they always will. Maybe there isn't something there to "fix" for him other than my own perception of my struggles and his needs.

This is also very enlightening for our family dynamic. SO much of what I thought was us being "distant" is actually both us meeting our needs for solitary time and decompression. I fought those things for so long because the NT world tells you it is unhealthy but I'm thinking the more I tried the harder things get on all of us. I am one who is deeply curious about people's behaviors and the effects of interactions etc. I've been "had" so many times by unscrupulous people and I find myself frequently baffled by even simple interactions. I've been told I worry too much or think too much on things but frankly it takes me that long processing to even understand more intricate events and interactions. My husband takes the "eff it" approach and I admire that about him but I myself tend to obsess about things too much for that. It takes me hours to make posts in an online forum either for reanalyzing my words over and over again...

I'm not sure I'd need to file for disability. We have great insurance... The "what does this mean" aspect of this is still in process for me. I did think about pursuing a diagnosis simply for the idea of better understanding my son or having resources to help my kids as they grow but I am also pretty happy with people not being in my business- which is something I think a dx might cause. I also read in another discussion that the genetic aspect means I wont likely get the family support and acceptance I'd benefit from a diagnosis and I can see that being the case for sure. I guess I've got time to figure it out.

Thanks for the welcomes!

Hi cookswife. I'm new here too. I posted today, and kind of wish I'd scrolled down and saw your post first. It seems that you and I are struggling with some of the same questions!

A very special Welkome to WrongPlanet, with a K.

The WP Kink

Welcome I pursued a diagnosis as an adult and there were definitely benefits. The most being that it explained a lot of my struggles both in my past & currently. The hardest thing is there is a grief process associated with not being 'normal', but there are a lot of people to help you through that adjustment in this way you think about yourself.

Best wishes to you

Hello. In some regards you sound a lot like myself. I have not pursued a diagnosis, though I think I have AS. I had some poor experiences with military doctors in the past (and I have not gone back to a military doctor since my daughter was born 8 years ago). Trying to convince them of what I already know hardly seems worth the hassle. Your experience may be different though.

I have two children diagnosed with autism and that small addition to their medical files has meant a lot of headache for us. It's a good thing because it's easier for them to get the services that benefit them. However, in our branch of the military, having autism means that there are some places they do not want to send you. The options are extremely limited and none of the choices are optimal for my husband's career.

Just do what you think is right. Everything will work out.

You are one of the few people who has mentioned this about the difficulty. It IS true and is what has me hesitant as well as the fears of later life implications for him. He is high functioning- I'm more fearful that the alternative label will be bully or class problem as his current social interactions read that way. He isn't though. He actually has a huge heart for people. He loves to help out. The 'what to do' part for my son is very frustrating because it isn't as easy as "Go ahead, he needs you!" when him needing me might actually require me to not get the label yet. As of now, we are in a place where I really like the doctors. But I agree- and we are coming up on a PCS soon- which has me all the more under the gun on the decision for him.