Hi, I’m new here. I actually came across the site when I googled about family not believing you have autism and found it to be a very resourceful forum. It’s nice to see people who understand where I’m coming from, for the most part -everyone’s different after all- and giving advice on how to deal with certain problems that come with this whole issue.
I’ve never been diagnosed with Asperger’s or Autism, but probably because I haven’t brought it up with my counsellors yet. I always had some other issue to work on with them, mainly my PTSD (which I have been diagnosed with) and my cyclothymia which, while not diagnosed by an MD, my therapist was able to say with decent certainty that he thought I have it. Even then though, I noticed some other oddities in myself that don’t fit into the categories of those disorders.
Being antisocial to some extent came before those emerged, I’ve never fit in to most “normal” groups because of the things I like/my obsessions with them and the way I talk. People get annoyed with me because I find things funny way longer than they do and say the same jokes or stories over and over. I also don’t feel the need to talk or reply, or sometimes I find that I do it in my head without noticing I’ve not said it out loud giving the impression I’m aloof/don’t care. From that stemmed a phobia of saying a lot of common things, the worst of which for social situations is being unable to say “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” or to call people by their name. I can’t have eye contact with anyone either, but luckily I’ve met a few really good friends who aren’t bothered by it, and even make me feel comfortable enough to laugh a bit about it.
As for being mute, I’ve contemplated whether or not I have moment’s of mutism, or that I’m just so scared of what to say, or if those two are the same. While I feel a compulsion to not speak at times, I also feel like it’s just me very strongly not knowing what to say and choosing to say nothing. I’m on the fence about that one but I’m not ruling it out entirely.
I’ve also had quite a few problems with my mom (my only family member really) not understanding or believing that I have/could have this. She also has her fair share of mental disorders (both sides of my family have things ranging from anxiety/depression to psychosis) which may be inhibiting her ability to handle having a daughter with a “problem.” It could also be a defence mechanism for herself believing that her child is perfect and so on. Either way, while she’s open minded about many things, this, she just doesn’t get. I’ve often compared the feeling to that of coming out of the closet (which I’ve also had to do, I’m pansexual) and while my mother is accepting of that, she treats my autistic-ness as those it’s just a phase, that I have to get over it, or I’m something else, shy/cautious/whatever as long as it’s not a legitimate disorder. I feel like I have to hide it.
Anyway, there’s far more to me as a person than this. And in general I don’t let it get me down. I live alone and work in a relatively calm/easy atmosphere. Most of the time I don’t feel the stress of having too many people around. I have my two main good friends in real life I go to school with, and a few friends online I’m able to converse with well so long as it’s at my own pace. When I’m in my university life, no one pressures me to be social and go to parties, they offer to be polite but don’t expect me to come, and in an understanding way, so I’m very grateful for that.
I’m not sure how much i’ll be around this forum, but I’m enjoying learning different things about autism/Asperger’s so at least for now I will be. I tend to lurk the forums though.
Wow, that’s really long, sorry for that haha. Another part of this I have is not knowing when to stop talking/cutting people off without realizing.
25 Dec 2010, 9:21 pm
