New to the forum ......Dad looking to help my daughter.

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Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 2:43 pm Post subject: Dad of Aspie

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My daughter has been in a ranch setting with therapy and social skill training as well as some internship, job and life skills. She has been there over a year. I am not always happy with her efforts to make changes for herself and i am not always in agreement with her treatment. It has been very expensive and a real financial drain. We sort of rolled the dice on this being what she needed. Within about 2 months she will complete the program. I do not feel that she would benefit by coming back into our house. We have always tried to help her make decisions that would avoid serious consquences and I know that she will have to be on her own in order to grow. She has of course had very few female friends over the years and has made a lot of bad impulsive choices as far as men. She is very small, and cute young lady but very immature and impulsive about her sexual behaviors. She has had a hard time following through on schooling, and has lost several jobs due to impulsive behaviors, crying, becoming upset, and even walking off the job when upset. She has some training as a dental assistant and seems to like the work but will have a difficult time acquiring and keeping a job in that field, or at least I fear that she will. She has a mother that has done more to help her than any mother ever could but they have a real love/hate relationship. I can give you more details of her behaviors if needed. She seems to also have a real relationship disorder which prohibits her from ever truly being happy. She always wants to have a man in her life .....to be happy.....and then as soon as there is one she completely smothers it as she constantly worries about it ending. She badgers them about their earlier relationships, constantly demanding reassurance etc until she completely kills the relationship......and then is of course devestated. She has been in abusive relationships that she was lucky to be out of ...but becomes obsessed with getting back together with them etc. I guess I am looking for help in setting up her next phase of life. I can't afford to subsidize her rent, utilities, car etc. and I dont think that is what is healthy. She just needs so much propping up from time to time. IS there a good way of going about finding compatible roommates for someone like this, affordable therapy, life coach, and other necessities. How do I phase her out of a dependency on us and still protect her from serious consequences that could come from her behaviors. She will likely be trying to settle in the Kansas City area. I will stop for now and hope that some of you will take the time to read all of this and perhaps give me some ideas to get started with. Thanks in advance.....

Women who are sexually impulsive or desire, insecure in their relationships, and who go back to, or want to go back to abusers, have issues going on unrelated to AS.

She needs someone who counsels women specifically for these problems.

As long as someone's protecting us from consequences, we're not learning very much.

If the place she's been is worth the money, she'll have learned something from her stay. Now she needs the room - with the best support you and she can agree on - to convert learning to practice.

I think she needs counseling too. We can have other issues than those directly related with being on the Spectrum.

Personally, I think an Adlerian psychologist or counselor works well with some people on the Spectrum and thus may be a good start.

A bit perplexed as to why you posted here. Please know I am sorry for the unfortunate circumstances and wish her well, along with the family.

What you described is so NOT NOT NOT Asperger's like! Indeed, the contrary! Please recognize this. Apart from that, hope she is able to fix her impulsiveness, and promiscuity, etc. (Which are NOT AS features).