Hi there,
I have never been diagnosed with asperger's but I am certain I have it. As a kid, I always had trouble fitting in. I could make friends but I couldnt keep them. I just never knew the appropriate way to act and that is something people take for granted. In middle school and high school, I was a dork. In middle school, kids constantly picked on me. That stopped for the most part once I got to high school but then people just wouldnt talk to me and I was alone all the time. The few friends I did have only tolerated me. They never told me that but it was very obvious. I guess I can understand why they would find me annoying but I just didnt know what to do to make people like me. I'm older now, I'm 30 years old and I work full time and I have some friends but I would call them aquaintences. I never really experienced depression much in school because I was very young and I believed things would get better because I had my whole life ahead of me. Now I am 30 and reality is setting in. I cant do many of the things I want to do because I dont have the social skillls. For instance, I know everyone is a little nervous about a job interview. For me and others with aspergers, it is downright terrifying and after getting turned down time and time again, we start getting desperate and it shows in the interview so we get turned down again. I want to laugh and joke around with people but I dont know how. I dont know the right things to say.
As I have gotten older, I have gotten less socially awkward. I feel a lot more confident than I ever have but I still have a hard time interacting socially. I dread get togethers and parties when that should be something to look forward to and I just dont know anyone who could really understand me. I am scared because although I dont want to be a recluse, I feel powerless to change it.
11 Feb 2011, 6:54 pm
