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Hi there,
My name is Andy, I'm 21 and living in Dorset.

I've been diagnosed with Aspergers since I was around 8/9 and was told I would never lead a 'normal' life. Things such as having a family, living on my own, and having a full time job would be too hard for me to achieve. I'm currently living with my girlfriend (with her parents, but away from mine which was supposed to be the hardest part) working for a supermarket as a Full Time Duty Manager, and, as I said, have a girlfriend who I'm living with, so, not quite a family, but the first step towards one.

I'm here basically to look at meeting other people with AS cause I've never really met anyone else with AS properly to see how others operate with it. I often get called 'weird' by my staff at work, cause of the way that I act on occasion in conversations or arguementative encounters. I understand that communication is limited by my understanding of 'Social Cues' as such, but was wondering whether anybody has figured out a way of working around this? I have recently moved to a new store to help them out, as they were short staffed, and I find that at the moment I am quite often recieving 'negative feedback' from social interactions with colleagues, such as one word answers, or being made to feel that what I've just asked was a stupidly pointless answer, and am finding that somewhat difficult to handle and find myself getting frustrated in other aspects of my life.

How do you people deal with the frustration of it all? I understand to NTs that it doesn't make much difference receiving negative feedback, and none of the staff that I work with, except the manager are aware that I have AS as I have worked hard to be where I am, and don't wish for those nay-sayers that no doubt everybody here has dealt with at one point or another.

I also find myself hooked upon certain things, and reliant upon things, and I'm not sure whether that is just part of me, or part of my AS, such as when I moved in with my girlfriend, her internet was down and it wasn't an important thing to them, so it has taken a month for them to sort out and get back online, and now that it is my girlfriend feels that I am abandoning her for the internet, and for my online friends. I think this is part of the transition between living with my parents, where I was often on the PS3 with mates until early hours of the morning, or if not I was on MSN with friends, to living with my girlfriend, where I am trying to not be on the PS3 or MSN as much, but I feel withdrawn, and because of that I feel even more frustrated.

I'm not sure if that makes sense or if that is in any form of order, but having read several other posts from other members, that doesn't seem to be too much of an issue here, lol.

Any kind of feedback is welcome, or even just a general chat would be appreciated, and I hope that I get to know some of you =)

Hi Andy .

Yes, all of that made sense, to me at least!

I'm a noob, just joined today, but the family have suspected I have AS for a couple of years now. Since 1996 I've been diagnosed with Depression (and attendant anxiety and social phobia) and been given loads of therapy, but none of it seemed to connect, you know? But when we looked up AS, it suddenly all made sense - the inability to meet people's eyes, the obsessive behaviour, my ability to focus on something to the detriment of anything else (say, eating, *LOL*), my phobia of anyone invading my personal space, the fact that I pick up sounds that no one else seems to hear and yes, the suggestion that Depression is a symptom of AS.

So nope, fellow Southerner, you are not alone . My BF also complains about my intense focus on things, and luckily I can drag myself away from whatever's interesting me. Although I don't know how it'll be if/when we live together - everyone seems so fearful that I won't be able to cope with the invasion of my space. But love conquers all, right?

For what it's worth, a friend I've had for the past 20 years just sent out an email calling me dishonest, manipulative, etc. Basically, everything bad. The problem is, everything he's accused me of is virtually impossible for the AS thinker . And yes, he has misinterpreted me! My point is that even longterm friends, if they are ignorant of the facts, can misunderstand, and I suspect that work colleagues have it even harder because they only see work-you.

Which presents the question - to disclose or not to disclose?

Hello and welcome to the WP community, Andy.

Hi and thanks Jetlag =)

Arian, I have to say what you've said sounds so familiar People are the same with me about whether I'd be able to cope with the invasion of my space, I have to say at the moment I've been living with my girlfriend now for a month, and although its rather difficult with the change of routine and what I see as an inability to do what I used to enjoy, such as I can't play the PS3 until early hours of the morning cause my girlfriend has work at 9am every morning, and the only room I can play it in is our bedroom, lol.

At one of my previous stores I did mention that I had Aspergers, but those that didn't understand what it was had the usual "oh, your a ret*d then" kind of attitude, and those that did, generally didn't seem to have much understanding, as they kept asking me questions like "how do you feel when.." and "what would you do if..." and were often shocked if I had a normal answer, making me feel like I'm from a different planet or something, lol.

I went through something similiar with some friends around 2 years ago. 3 sisters that I used to consider my sisters were told by someone that I was talking about them behind their backs, and using their house as a place to stay that was closer to work than my place. Unfortunately it wasn't something that was able to be resolved, so after several months I came to the conclusion that if they believed I was capable of such things, then they couldn't've been that great friends, as they obviously didn't know me. Things such as lying is hardly the easiest thing to me after all

Do you ever feel like your in a shell, or in a bubble kind of thing? That the you that you show to the world isn't actually you? Obviously being a Duty Manager in a Supermarket I have to have a professional attitude, and deal with confrontational customers, which obviously isn't easy for anyone. I quite often find myself thinking that I'm pretending to be someone I'm not, which kind of annoys me.

Also you mentioned depression, I have to say, suffering from that makes me even more depressed Trying to save up money for a Mortgage, but I struggle so badly, if I have money I like to spend it because thats why I have it, lol. But then my girlfriend gets angry cause shes saved up a big amount and I haven't, and its like, well, I tried? lol.

Do you ever wish you didn't have AS or not? I'm 50/50 on the subject, it'd be nice to be a NT and not be calculating every move of my life, EG when someone is talking to me I think "oh, he looked away when he said that, was that a lie?" which 90% of the time turns out to be my imagination, lol. But on the flipside its nice to be able to understand things like computer systems, I've always been able to understand how almost any program works, regardless of what it does.

Anyway I've run out of time and I've got to go to work =( I'll be back on tonight =)

Arian, I have to say what you've said sounds so familiar People are the same with me about whether I'd be able to cope with the invasion of my space, I have to say at the moment I've been living with my girlfriend now for a month, and although its rather difficult with the change of routine and what I see as an inability to do what I used to enjoy, such as I can't play the PS3 until early hours of the morning cause my girlfriend has work at 9am every morning, and the only room I can play it in is our bedroom, lol.

**** Yes, my BF suffers with my ability to sleep until midday, but then stay awake until 5am, . It's all about getting used to the new routine, isn't it. I'd rather they didn't keep telling me I'm going to have trouble, when he can't actually move in yet - why assume there's going to be a problem, right? But I understand why they're worried, and it's nice that they care!

At one of my previous stores I did mention that I had Aspergers, but those that didn't understand what it was had the usual "oh, your a ret*d then" kind of attitude, and those that did, generally didn't seem to have much understanding, as they kept asking me questions like "how do you feel when.." and "what would you do if..." and were often shocked if I had a normal answer, making me feel like I'm from a different planet or something, lol.

**** Oh, tell me about it! I had to leave my volunteer job recently because the guy in my office couldn't be quiet. If it wasn't the radio, he was humming, or snapping his fingers, or tapping, or whistling, or talking... None of these are bad in themselves, but after two years I felt like a kettle about to blow! I simply couldn't take the noise. I've also had a problem all my life with people treating me like an idiot, mainly because I don't seem to understand things which are obvious to them. Except my IQ is 149, so I'm pretty sure that I'm not, . My best friend once told me that I have reverse body language. She could tell what I was feeling by what I didn't do! But how do I explain to all of these people that I'm AS, when it's so complex that I'm not even sure I understand it! How can a 'normal' person understand something so subtle, when all we have to go on is a few miswired emotions and actions?!

I went through something similiar with some friends around 2 years ago. 3 sisters that I used to consider my sisters were told by someone that I was talking about them behind their backs, and using their house as a place to stay that was closer to work than my place. Unfortunately it wasn't something that was able to be resolved, so after several months I came to the conclusion that if they believed I was capable of such things, then they couldn't've been that great friends, as they obviously didn't know me. Things such as lying is hardly the easiest thing to me after all

**** TBH, I've been wondering whether to do the same. People misunderstand to the nth degree, then transform their beliefs into the truth, without ever checking the facts. This guy has been my friend since I was 16 (or so I thought), so abandoning his friendship is a big thing - but accusing me of dishonesty... that's like accusing me of having blue skin, or something!

Do you ever feel like your in a shell, or in a bubble kind of thing? That the you that you show to the world isn't actually you? Obviously being a Duty Manager in a Supermarket I have to have a professional attitude, and deal with confrontational customers, which obviously isn't easy for anyone. I quite often find myself thinking that I'm pretending to be someone I'm not, which kind of annoys me.

**** YES! I have my work mask, my family mask, my friends mask, my BF mask... I'm only truly me when I'm alone and not likely to be invaded .

Also you mentioned depression, I have to say, suffering from that makes me even more depressed Trying to save up money for a Mortgage, but I struggle so badly, if I have money I like to spend it because thats why I have it, lol. But then my girlfriend gets angry cause shes saved up a big amount and I haven't, and its like, well, I tried? lol.

**** My BF does that too, , whereas I save obsessively... then go on a sudden spending spree for no obvious reason, *LOL*.

Do you ever wish you didn't have AS or not? I'm 50/50 on the subject, it'd be nice to be a NT and not be calculating every move of my life, EG when someone is talking to me I think "oh, he looked away when he said that, was that a lie?" which 90% of the time turns out to be my imagination, lol. But on the flipside its nice to be able to understand things like computer systems, I've always been able to understand how almost any program works, regardless of what it does.

**** I admit, I'm fed up with being misunderstood. It's causing havoc in my job search because I can't look anyone in the eye during interviews and then progressively go quieter when I try and force myself to do it! Talk about shooting myself in the foot. But yes, I can't read body language at all, can't meet people's eyes without feeling a tremour go through my soul, tremble uncontrollably at the thought of being in a crowded situation, and as for supermarkets... My BF tries, but really, in an adult relationship one person shouldn't have to nursemaid the other! I want to be stronger, more in control and yes, more able to deal with the world. But I'm finally coming to the realisation that I may have to accept AS into my life and work my life around it, rather than the opposite . It's a worry, frankly. On the plus side, virtually everything I own is catalogued, categorised and ordered, so I can always find stuff .

Anyway I've run out of time and I've got to go to work =( I'll be back on tonight =)[/quote]

Welcome to WP!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Thanks richie and Tim Tex =) Its nice to be here =)

Arian, I totally get what you mean about the whole Interviewing thing, I got sort of lucky, as one of my first jobs was for a Training Department for a massive organisation, and we often taught Area/Department Managers how to interview new staff, and I kept volunteering as a Interviewee for their practices to help boost what I lack in, and it was really nice, cause it helped me gain the confidence to improve my interviewing abilities, as well as they gave me advice on what I was doing wrong as an Interviewee aswell. Although I do still much prefer looking at the floor when I'm talking to a person, I am able to look them in the eye long enough to generally avoid appearing to be rude or 'weird' Its funny, cause I can look people in the eye when they are talking, but I physically can't ever look them in the eye when I'm talking, but I don't really understand why, I keep thinking that they might want to know that I'm talking to them, not somebody else. Lol. It just feels too intimate I think. Like, thinking about it I can look my girlfriend in the eye fine, but I can't look anybody else in the eye when I'm talking :L

Going back to the whole mask thing, I don't like it, it makes me feel like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not, and I've never really understood whether its a normal thing, to have a mask or not. I mean, I look at the people I work with and I can easily imagine them outside of work the same as they are inside of work. But then that could be because they do often talk about themselves outside of work, whereas I generally don't mention too much unless asked. I'm not sure if that is another trait of AS? wanting to keep myself to myself, lol. I really do feel often that although I have lived with the knowledge that I suffer from AS, I've never really understood it. I read things about AS but they never help me understand it, I just feel that the author is attempting to describe me personally. Lol.

Gah, hopefully this forum will help me understand AS some more, and hopefully I'll be able to interact more with other AS sufferers, and find out if anybody has worked out ways of interacting more easily with NTs =) lol.

Goodnight all! =)

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