Another self-diagnosed, possible aspie

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Hello everyone!


I'm new here, blah blah blah...... I need some help. BAD.

I was never evaluated for any psychological disorders growing up, (my mother said there was nothing wrong with me, ADHD is just a way for doctors to make money by doping kids up-- my guidance councilor was adimite with having me screened for ADHD) my problem has haunted me since as far back as I can remember. I've always been "weird". Playing music (guitar, violin, piano, bass, drums) has always been my primary outlet. Friends have been very few and far between, even now social interaction is practically impossible as I just can't relate with other people. I really can't deal with being labeled childish or immature any more. I do what I can to get along with others, but when it comes right down to it-- casual conversation just doesn't interest me and the things that DO attract my attention are beyond the interests of others. On that note-- I tend to cause problems and conflicts when trying to talk things over, as I am always told "I need to learn how to talk to people". I stress out over things when I can't find an answer, sometimes to the point that my head crawls, ears start to ring, can't focus, and I like I'm disconnected from reality. My inability to think straight when stressed out has got me in some serious trouble when I was a teen.
Currently I am unemployed and to be quite honest-- I can't afford to see a psychiatrist on my own accord. I choked down my own pride and finally requested a psychological evaluation through my welfare case worker, but I am hesitant on trusting the quality of the services state-funded psychiatric doctors provide. Through my own research I am pretty much 100% sure I have aspergers. But self-diagnosis is nothing to count on-- I took a psychology class in college and learned this-- you can find symptoms of pretty much any psychological issue in almost anyone..... I was diagnosed with ADHD through West Texas Rehab Comission when I was 21, but according to my mother, they didn't know what they were talking about (for the record my mother is a very hateful and spiteful person, allowed her 2nd husband to abuse me from age 9 through the day I was kicked out of the house at 17... didn't help matters any). I am concerned that, if I do have aspergers, the psychologist may not have experience in identifying it, or the other extreme, slap a generic diagnosis on me just because I mentioned the possibility.
All in all I am a conflicting personality. I hate being alone but i can't stand being around people. I always desire to have friends but to be honest, I would rather do things on my own to avoid the frustrations of trying to explain things that come naturally to me but other "normal" people can't grasp. for instance-- my fiancee and I went around in circles arguing for hours over her problem understanding how to convert fractions to a percent and vice versa (she's taking a business management college class online). In MY head, it's easy, no need for pen and paper-- definately not a calculator-- but she didn't (and still don't) understand that you just divide the top number by the bottom number.... "Why??? because that's the way it works..." things like that... While it is considered a gift that some things can just come naturally I see it as a curse that prevents me from having a normal life.
I now live in Long Beach, Ca, but am hoping to move back to Michigan-- if I can't find a job I would rather be unemployed and on welfare somewhere that the cost of living is less than what the state offers in assistance. With my inability to get along in a social environment, I haven't been able to hold a job long. There's only been a select few situations in which my superior grasp of electronics, mechanics, computers, (and in the case of Linda Blair Worldheart Foundation-- my gift of working with animals) have led my employer to accept my personality issues as a worthwile price to pay for my capabilities. Aside from a friend-of-the-family favor, I haven't kept a job for longer than 8 months. Having 2 kids, this is completely unacceptable, I know I need help, until now I haven't really known how to go about asking. I don't want to be considered a freak or incapable of having a family-- with my less-than-pleasant upbringing a family of my own has always been my ultimate life goal and I don't want to lose out on what little I have achieved in that respect. What can I do to better my situation? does anyone know of any resources in the Long Beach / Los Angeles California area?

thank you for reading this, I'm really at the end of my rope trying to cope with this alone.
Jeramy Cleghorn

hello Jeramy
welcome to this thing of ours
at least you have a fiancee, that is better than i could rate. i wish you luck in your bureaucratic dealings with the state disability apparatus.
you are still young so your life has much time left to straighten itself out. you are sharp enough and with-it enough to find your way in life, despite the raw deal you got from your parents.

I'm not applying for disability-- I don't carry the delusion that this condition will qualify me for any form of disability-- I was ran over by a car and got sciatica (damaged nerves in my lower back) which isn't even considered debilitating enough for disability. Thankfully, since I am on medical due to the fact my family is on food stamps and cash assistance due to my being unemployed (my unemployment ran out in 2009), I have SOME form of medical insurance. Hopefully the doctor I am sent to regarding this is familiar with recognizing ASD. I'm not holding my breath on it though. Is aspergers hereditary or genetic?

Aspergers does tend to run in families and is possibly hereditary. My 15 year old has AS and I have a cousin who has a son with AS. We have a few other family members we thought about that showed some of the same tendacies but we were not for sure.
When it comes to Social Security it is a possibility that you could qualify if you got an offical diagnosis and documentation but it is a very long process. My son recieves it and it is based on your income.
You just hang in there. Their is alot of people out there that do understand and do care so I think you came to the right place.

Thanks-- I got un-lazy and did some research and found that out a few minutes ago... It's not verified as 100% fact that's it's hereditary but it's close to it. I wouldn't know if my father was (died when I was 3) but with the research I've been doing I have noticed that my four year old son has many characteristics and quirks that point to him also having this. At least with him, I'm not delusional with wanting to believe he's without issues, and I will be scheduling him to be evaluated soon. Thankfully his medical coverage is a broader scope than my own, there should be no issue in getting him in. With that-- if MY medical doesn't provide for me to see the proper psychiatrist, if my son is diagnosed with AS the chances are he got it from me. There's more than one way to skin a cat... (no animals have been harmed verifying that claim...)