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Hi, I'm new. I'm a 26 year old female, and I am sure I have Asperger's, at least mildly. My dad definitely has it, and I seem to have inherited a few of his tendencies. I don't understand small talk, except that it just seems like a rehearsed script to me. Unless I'm careful to watch out for it, I don't get sarcasm, and I will take what is said literally quite often. (Embarrassing when that happens...)

As a kid, I was obsessed with bugs and dinosaurs, and I used to collect all of the potato bugs I could find in the backyard and classify and sort them according to size, and whether they were male or female. I remember pissing off a couple girls who lived on my street one day because they wanted to play Barbies, while all I wanted to do was show them my bug collection. I also have synesthesia, which is something that I've read is quite common in AS, though NTs can have it too. I have grapheme to color synesthesia, and I thought for a long time that everyone had special colors for letters and days, etc, and when I discovered what synesthesia was, I was shocked that it is not something that's considered "typical."

I have always found it hard to make and keep friends. With the exception of my very best friend, (who has known me since we were both 11, and she understands my social oddness) and a core group of 3 other people, I feel like most of the people I meet either stay in the casual acquaintance zone, or else I get close to them, and then it fizzles out fast. Even as a kid, I've always felt like everyone else had some special magic secret on how to socialize, and I somehow didn't know it. I've had situations where I'll sort of know someone, and one day we'll somehow start a conversation, and they'll tell me that they're surprised I'm actually nice, and that they thought I was just snobby and uninterested in them the whole time. (I admit, that kind of hurts to hear.) I honestly have no idea what signals I give off to make them feel this way.

I am highly functional- like I said, I have a core group of 4 close friends, and I am also married to a guy who is most definitely a NT, though he is a very logical introvert. I honestly believe though, that if it weren't for my very best friend, my teen years would have turned out differently. I was by no means popular in high school, but I did have a couple people to sit at lunch with. (Though I did just go to the library sometimes, just to be able to sit in silence.) I never went to parties unless my best friend was going to be there, because I constantly (and still do!) look to her as an example on how to react to social situations. She also would see if I was ever uncomfortable, or if I seemed to do something odd, she'd always have the right thing to say to help me save face. Also- another thing I've noticed, is that the friends I've actually been able to keep are people who are kind of introverted themselves, and one actually really seems like he might have AS too.

Heh, I hope this isn't too long. I'm very glad that a website like this exists. I haven't yet gone to be diagnosed, mostly because it all kind of scares me, and I'm not sure how it would change things. I see some of the difficulties my dad has faced, and maybe on a subconscious level I don't want to admit that I face some of those same difficulties. I always thought that maybe I'd "outgrow" this feeling of oddness, and that somehow I'd wake up and the ease in which NTs can just flutter about their days, seemingly effortless in their constant chatter, always saying the right thing, being able to connect and communicate- that I'd have that, too. But I don't, and it's like a bubble around me. I can see others, but there's a layer that prevents me from picking up nuances, seeing subtleties, connecting, feeling. At the same time though, the more I read, the more I find this stuff fascinating.

Welcome

Hi! I too do not like small talk. It often seems pointless, especially when the topic disinterests me. I often don't have much to talk about and am often ackward in my responses. People often seem baffled when i respond/stop taking....Aka the "cricket at night" as i call it effect. I have poor conversational timing and often don't pick up on the nonverbal cues that tell me to stop talking about a particular subject i'm speaking about.

i used to love "potato bugs" too! That's funny! I think i was just really facinated about how they responded to touch. I could sit for long periods of time watching them roll up in to balls...

Sarcasm is another issue with me too. I often don't get it...Refer to the above "cricket effect"...lol... Ironically after i get to know people well i tend to be overly sarcastic communicating with them. Often to the point where it becomes annoying to the receipent of my verbal assults...

I too have few friends who are able to tollerate me. As far as social situations i often find myself by myself looking at people conversing but rarely able to participate. It's like being in a glass box being able to hear and see the action around me but unable to reach through it to "touch" others. It's not that i don't desire to but i feel like i'm missing something. It then turns into anxiety from there which ultimately leads to unsuccessful attempts to reach out to others... It's awfully frustrating!

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

As a female Aspie in my 30s, I can relate to your stories about only being able to connect to a "few other people". Back in middle school and high school- I was totally shunned by my classmates and had no friends at all- I so wish I had at least one friend back then to make those years more bearable. Things got better for me in college and was able to maintain a small, limited social network since then.

If you'd like to learn more about my life growing up with undiagnosed AS and my current struggles, please check out my website at
http://www.myaspergerslifestory.com/

Hope to see you around more forums soon,

Allie Kat

Welcome!

Thank you for the replies.

Jinglyjon- Yes! The "cricket effect" is a really good way to put it.

Alliekat- your website is very interesting. As I read more and more about the female experience of Asperger's, I am beginning to see that there can be real gender differences in behavior, and differences between adult aspies and aspies that are kids, which is one of the reasons why I'm a little reluctant to get an official diagnoses. My dad has a diagnoses, but he's got way more of tendencies than I do (along with some other stuff, like OCD and it sometimes interferes with his daily functioning), and even then, his initial diagnoses was ASD back in the 70s. I really appreciate the list of books you provide on your site- I'm definitely going to start reading more. I have read one called Pretending to be Normal, by Liane Holliday Willey, and that is what really prompted me to start trying to learn all I could about it. I just read through the whole thing, and nearly every experience she talks about having as a kid, I had as well in similar fashion.

I read "Pretending to Be Normal" too. I also recommend "Finding Ben" (warning- SAD book- makes me cry everytime I read it), "Look Me in The Eye: My Life With Asperger", and Please Stop Laughing at Me (book doesn't say she has AS but I strongly suspect an undiagnosed case).

I didn't put the autobiographies on my website cuz I didn't want to be to lengthy- I thought people may be more interested in the online quizzes.

I am a new guy too,i hope i will be helped here.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Hello I'm new here too.

Ahhh books are my friends too. I've also read "pretending to be normal". Wasn't a bad book. I really like both of john robison's books along with a few temple grandin ones. I also read "finding ben" and found that to be a fantasic read especially with it coming from a mother's point of view. It mad me cry/laugh/and go "hmmmm" numerous times. I'm currently reading "through the glass wall" by howard buten. Great book thus far...I hate to say that it's a humerous book because autism is no joke but with the light-hearted way he puts things i can't help but laugh out loud at times....Yeah thats another problem i seem to have...Laughing at inappropriate times or serious subjects mostly because of the literal way i take words i suppose.

Hi I'm new here. My name is Shanice, I am 19, and I am neurotypical but my older brother is Autistic. I live at home, and I am close to my brother, but he is quite severely Autistic so he can only relate to himself in his own world. Although he is 22, he still thinks he's 6. But he is a lovely young man. I also have a younger brother who is 14, he is neurotypical too but he is not as understanding of his older brother as I am. I think neurology is interesting, so I thought I'd share some of my knowledge and views here on Wrong Planet. I sort of do it for my brother really. Although he is interested in electronic things, he still wouldn't be able to sit at a computer and write things about himself.

To WrongPlanet!! !

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