Finally doing it
Hello humans.
Took me a year to admit to myself that theres something wrong with me, im not sure im an aspie, i did all those tests and wandered on this forum and others reading so many storyes that resembled mine, all the tests were positive, it would explain so much.
but
I didnt admit to myself till some days ago, I couldn't do it. I tryed so hard to act, look and even think 'straight', I just didnt want to lose the war. Sure I had progress, when I was 14 I had such a hard time looking in people eyes it was unbearable, then now at 22 i have a creepy 'straight into your eyes' sharp look that can make some people flinch, but when they do all I have to do is lower my eyelids a little bit and they look more relaxed.
see?
when you have to make a mental scheme on how to look at people in the eyes, how can you even think that you're just a regular guy? I dont know how I mt when anaged to. Maybe im just silly.
I have some of the regular suff ive seen people report here
have no social life, never had
always was the quiet one or the weird one
cant read people emotions(getting better at this)
turn into a wolflike creature at full moon
no social skills
wanna have some friends but dont want at the same time
maybe im just lonely? I'd like to hear this, really.
Ive been with psychists(dont know if this is the word) before, you know, the docs.
Something about anger management when I was around 8(I was kinda like the hulk)
many years into my teens treating depression(had adverse effects with all the drugs had to take, it was like either it doesnt work or it makes me zoom out)
Till I got tired and started pretending I was allright.
Sorry about all the writing mistakes, being all over the place, and the overall lack of cohesion on the text. English is not my home language and its very hard to write about this, Im start to think it was a mistake and I know that if I read what I just wrote ill end up erasing most of it.
Im pretty sure there were some silly jokes in there, I alway do this when im nervous.
17 Jun 2011, 4:32 pm
