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I wish I had a more original subject line, but I just don't.

I'm a 29 year old mother of 2 young kids. Apparently my husband has been on this site for some months (although he won't tell me his user name LOL) I was adopted at birth and had no medical history of my biological family until I was 17+ when I located my Biological mother. As a child I was dx'ed with ADHD and disinhibited Reactive attachment disorder. I've always struggled with many social issues, excessive talking, a loud tone, lack of Foresight, inability to read body language etc. I tend to pick the weirdest hobbies and "obsess" over them (Hence my job...) I'm a wizbang with numbers too.

I found my Bio family years ago and learned there is 5 cases of autism/aspergers in just 3 generations alone, and that side of my family is not large, we are talking 20 people max.

Its been tossed around that I might be an aspie my self, with co morbid ADHD. It's been brought up a lot the last couple years by multiple people including my daughters pediatrician and a good friend with Autism her self. My daughters Pedi said it wasn't a big deal to get re dx'ed unless i started having issues.

Well fast forward a year, my DH and I decided on an open marriage, the long and short of it is I wound up having an emotional affair with a long time friend of mine and hid it from my DH, Eventually he found out and he is very hurt and asking me for a divorce, He's also asking me to leave the state and go back to where I came from at least for now. He says he needs time to heal and he wants me to get checked and get my self straight. But he can't promise that he will ever want me back.

I am not one to use things as a crutch, but I guess in true Aspie fashion, the open marriage was too much of a gray area and I really screwed up, I had never thought that I would be one to "cheat" but between the kids, maintaining our house hold, trying to be supportive of my husbands job, a battle with postpartum depression and all the other hustle and bustle of daily life, I lost my "obsession" with my husband and our life and when the open marriage arose, I couldn't see what a disaster it was going to be but I fell right in to a giant disaster. Now I stand to lose my husband and one of my best friends

I leave next week to return to my home town/state, I intend to seek a re-dx and see if some sort of meds would be helpful. I am hoping if I use meds that it won't have to be permanent. I don't have an issues accepting a new dx, what ever it may be, but I am beating my self up that I appear to have thrown away my family over a stupid decision.

If I left anything out, just ask me, I'm pretty much an open book

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Hope you enjoy your stay here

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through. I hope you are able to come to a greater understanding of and peace with yourself, and that you and your family are able to work out a tolerable arrangement.
Beating yourself up is only useful as far as it helps you take responsibility for your actions and make better future choices. In marriage, all problems are the responsibility of both spouses, and it is important to acknowledge your own contributions to the problems, as well as to understand why you might have made them. You can't ignore your husband's contribution, either. (It sounds to me like he didn't fully consider the risks of an open marriage.) Certainly, having an ASD makes relationships even more complicated than they already are!
J.

He claims that he only opened the marriage because he was convinced I was going to cheat, But I wasn't wired that way at all. And there's nothing I can seem to say to get him to believe me because he doesn't believe pretty much anything I say now

Sounds like your husband wasn't clear in his reasons or intentions. It also sounds like he is blaming you for doing what he was convinced you were going to do anyway, and that the assumption wasn't necessarily founded. I'm not sure why you cheated, but you seem to be saying you wouldn't have done it if it wasn't part of the "new rules" of the marriage.
If your husband thought you were going to be unfaithful, a more reasonable way of dealing with it would have been to talk about the emotions and values each of you had for the marriage.
In any case, good luck with this... counselling would definitely be in order, imho.
J.

we were in marriage counseling until the open marriage thing, then he quit going at the point he decided he was done with me. I however continued going and will seek re-dx after I get back "home" next week. Hopefully he will gone on his own like he's said he will and I can finally get the proper therapy that I need and maybe someday we can get back together

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

Mick