Another newbie

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Hi there. I'm new.

I am the big family secret. I was diagnosed with SID, ADHD, and PTSD when I was 7...but not medicated or offered any kind of help because I was at such a high academic level (most academic skills were at high school or college level) that they felt I didn't "need" services. I went on with life. When my son was 3, his pediatrician referred us to a specialist because he thought he was ADHD like me. When we were going over the family history, the specialist suggested that I may have been misdiagnosed and he did his assessments on both of us. That confirmed his suspicions and we were both officially diagnosed with Asperger's. I told him he was full of ****. lol The kids ped didn't push the issue. Since we were planning to homeschool, and my biggest "special interest" is parenting - I'm an obsessively proactive mother and had already earned his trust. He just told me that I can feel free to come to him for advice and not to worry - he won't pressure me to medicate or anything...but that if I do want to go down that path, he'll support me decision too. He was an awesome ped. *I say nostalgically* Then, I asked about social issues with dd when she was a preschooler...she also was diagnosed. There's never been any question. They're pretty textbook. I didn't tell anyone, to avoid the stigmas and pressures to "fix" them. I'm pretty textbook too, but have been in flat denial for like a decade. If I'm an Aspie, I will never be "normal" like I've always strived for. =/

As the kids have gotten older, it's gotten pathetically obvious that we're the same. I'm trying really hard to come to terms with this. I am working toward the goal of "coming out". I've left it up to the kids, individually, who they want to tell. I think they're scared of people's reactions because I am, though. So, I need to deal with my issues for their sake. I had gotten to the point that I was cool with, even proud of being so "different" ...but I'm not sure if I can see being THIS different from such a positive place.

Dh is NT. He and the kids' old ped (we haven't seen in 5+ years) and I are the only ones that know. I feel sorry for him having to deal with us, and fear that he'll eventually get fed up with us and leave. He thinks we're all amazing geniuses, though, and sees most of our milder behaviors as a result of more advanced thinking. He thinks most of the weird stuff that puts other people off is sweet or lovable. He does get frustrated by the miscommunications, though. Like, our son is 13...he was doing dishes and hubby told him "If you do it suchnsuch way, it will take a lot less effort" and then was complaining to me that the kid had blown him off when he gave him instructions. We had like an hour long discussion last night about how he needed to say "do it suchnsuch way. it will take a lot less effort that way.". Giving someone information and telling them what to do are not at all the same thing, you know? lol Our son wasn't being defiant. He would have eagerly done what he was told...if he knew he was being told to do something. He has a strong desire to please...most of the time.

Welcome to the Wrong Planet! Plus points for home schooling. Public schools are horrible places to be socially and a total loss academically. Oh, how I wish that I could have been home schooled. I generally keep quiet about my AS and only my partner knows. She must be a saint though, to be able to put up with me sometimes! BTW, I only found out about my AS a few years ago, but it sure did explain a lot about why I have always been "different."

Thanks. =)

Homeschooling always just seemed like the assumed choice to me. It never made sense to me why people who are perfectly capable of raising and caring for their own children would register for educational welfare and purposefully ask the government to raise their children for them. Ok, some people are just that lazy or just don't care about their kids...but I can't bring myself to believe that's the reason the majority of people do it. I actually devoted most of my electives in college to psych, just trying to figure out why people are the way they are. I got something from the study...just not what I was looking for.

I don't like that dh is the only one that knows. I have a "dynamic personality"...I draw people to me, like followers, but can't seem to really get close or form regular habitual kind of friendships. I have learned how to lure in good, honest types and be strong enough to refuse the toxic ones. But, I know a lot of them will be hurt that I've kept this big secret from them. Cause, they're good people and will realize that I don't entirely trust them. I feel really guilty. I think once I take away the secrecy and deal with the initial drama surrounding it, it won't be a big deal to me so much though. I think I can get to a point where it's a very matter of fact, "whatever", kind of thing socially...but I need to get to a point that it doesn't totally terrify me on the inside before I can pull that off.

Do you hide it, or is it just not that big of a deal to you so you don't happen to mention it? I'm trying to move from the former to the latter.

Welcome.

I am generally considered to be a bit of an oddball, or eccentric, or whatever, but once they learn that I was an engineer they almost always say something like, "Oh, that explains everything!" Hmm, we do have a bad reputation, don't we? Over the years I have learned the hard way how to more or less fit in socially, so that I don't feel the need to explain that I am an AS person. The downside is that it is a strain on me emotionally to have to deal with social events and I always need some solitary downtime afterwards.

That makes sense. I had a really strong special interest in computers and technology when I was younger, but always thought of it as just a hobby, and that's what it's faded to now. Life would probably been a lot smoother for me if I'd chosen THAT interest to make a career of. lol I majored in Political Science and was involved in lobbying civil rights (mostly parental rights) advocacy. For the longest time, I thought that what I was good at somehow trumped what I actually liked. I can give speeches like nobody's business, and cut to the point of a politician's double talk like I were psychic...but all the good I can do is not worth the toll it takes on me. I don't do that kind of work anymore. I won't won't take work that isn't satisfying and fulfilling to me as a person anymore. I am really interested in homeopathy, natural living, and that kind of thing...and I pass off really well as some kind of cleaned up hippy (even though I've always been clean, but whatever). I'm a Master Herbalist, a Doula, and a Midwife...eccentric behavior is to be expected. =D Actually people seem to be extra fond of me because I'm more logical, and science brained than others in my field. lol

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone. I appreciate it.

Welkome to WP!

Mick