Hello. Exploring options here... :/

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Hi everyone..

I'm 26, female, undiagnosed with anything of this nature, but so so fed up with being weird and unlikable..
My brother was diagnosed with asperger's, and I'm wondering more and more if I have it, too.

I've tried looking at the lists to self-diagnose, but I can't remember or can't tell if they apply to me.
I'm trying to keep an eye out for things that could be symptoms, now.

My main issue, or at least what bothers me most, is that I can't interact with people to save my life!
I can't read emotions, I can't predict reactions, I can't tell if things I'm saying are normal or appropriate.
Everyone that gets to know me a little tells me that they thought I was standoffish or stuck up or unapproachable.
After they know me, they think I am inconsiderate and withdrawn, or just plain awkward.
I like people. I want friends. I just can't keep up with them at all, I can't seem to get to that level of interaction that it seems like everyone else gets to, where chatting is natural and you don't have to focus and plan and concentrate and work to try and hold a normal human interaction.
I honestly can't figure out if my feelings and struggles are normal, or if I'm just not right.

I have been working on this for years and years. I have never been any better at any of this.
I basically just all around fail at human interaction, and for the most part that's FINE with me.
I am uncomfortable and overwhelmed around people anyway- It feels like an act to be normal and friendly.

I don't know. I have to get going to class...
Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? Does it sound like anything? Can anyone offer any comfort or advice or anything? :<


Edit:
My strengths, on the other hand, so that this isn't all negative:
I can focus on a single job or task basically indefinitely. I am VERY VERY driven once I begin something, and as long as I'm not interrupted too severely, I can devote a whole day to a single project.
I am very successful in any task or skill I learn. I learn at a normal to fast rate, but am able to creatively grow skills I know. I think I'm moderately intelligent.
When someone is patient with my low social intelligence, and understands that I am not trying to be distant or mean or insensitive, they seem to stay with me and think of me as a very loyal and trustworthy friend.

As both a pro and a con, I have a very hard time lying, though frequently this means I say the wrong things to people, even though it's what I honestly feel. :/ This gets me into a lot of conflict.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. Hope you find what you're looking for.

Hello and welcome to WrongPlanet TemperedGlass.

Well of course no one can actually diagnose you one way or the other on here. It sounds like you are feeling confused and if that is the case I can understand it. If you have a good look around the forums it may give you more of an idea whether it is likely you are on the spectrum or not.
It sounds like you have some great qualities! I hope you find this to be a place you feel comfortable.

I was hoping someone would post with a "Hey, x, y, or z sounds just like me.".

I'll probably just hush and lurk from here out. Will talk to my psych about my thoughts in this regard next time I see her and see what she thinks.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Re: the triad thing.. I'm sorry if I'm being dense, but all three of those primary triad issues ARE social?

Reading further down I see what I think you were talking about, with things like poor motor skills, obsessive routines, and such..? Is this what you meant?
I guess it doesn't really matter. Part of me wants to jump to defense, because I feel attacked over everything. so I'll try to avoid that..

Thank you for that link, I hadn't seen that.
Pretty much every new thing I find about ..ASD? (What does that stand for?) makes me feel like SUDDENLY my oddities make sense.
Much more of this applies than doesn't, shrug. :/

ASD=autism spectrum disorder in short form. It's an umbrella term under which you find autistic disorder (the official diagnostic name of autism), asperger syndrome, pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) etc...

Yes I did mean things like resistance to change, stereotypic routines, spinning objects etc. the imagination/resistance part of the triad is less socially based that the other two parts of the triad, and you need to have multiple characteristics under each category to really be looking at having the disorder.

Don't want to make you feel attacked or anything just trying to clarify what ASDs are as it's a little more complicated than not having many friends and being socially awkward or clueless.

If you have any other questions feel free to ask. I am clinically diagnosed with Asperger's and a university psychology student so I probably know more than the general population (not of WP just the general population). There are a lot of excellent knowledgeable people on here,

Welcome.

I figured that's what ASD was short for, just making sure, heh. >_> I'd hate to have been like, "Oh, yeah, I'm ASD" and have it turn out that meant something entirely different than what I'd assumed. xD
More lurking around the other posts here pretty much convinced me that's what it meant.
'NT' eluded me for a good while too.

Back on on topic though.

I wouldn't be posting here if I hadn't already combed through information and come to a reasonably certain conclusion that this most likely applies.
I am awful at sending across the entirety of what I mean, and I feel like I'm digging myself into a hole here. I keep trying to word my reply here so that I'm neither vague nor attacking..

I take offense to your wording, "it's a little more complicated than not having many friends and being socially awkward"...

If that were the extent of it, I certainly wouldn't be here. If that were the extent of it, I might have been able to hold a job for more than a couple months in my life, or keep more than the one friend who has been willing to get through things with me (who I've only interacted with online for 85% of our relationship, so that helps..). If that were the extent of it I wouldn't have gross calluses on my thumbs from habitually messing with them if I don't have something else to fuss with in stressful settings. If that were the extent of it I wouldn't have been attacked over and over again by my longest-term relationship for "using confusing words" and "trying to sound smart" and "pretending I don't understand [him]" and "always being angry" and "hating anyone who tries to talk to me". If that were the extent of it maybe I wouldn't have been put on the train of garbage medications that I've been put on for bipolar, depression, and the most recent guess of anxiety disorder. If that were the extent of it I wouldn't have gone my entire life covered in bruises and cuts because I can't seem to move like a normal human being and avoid obstacles. Maybe it's NOT normal that I have to actively focus on walking so that I don't make an absolute fool out of myself in public. Maybe My speech is "peculiar" and that's why I've gotten this "you have an accent, where's that from? I can't figure out what that accent is.." thing since as far back as I can remember (I don't HAVE any accent. My friend has explained to me that my speaking is often incorrect in pitch and tone, like I emphasize the wrong parts randomly, as though I have my own personal accent. -_- not intentional.... fairly embarrassing..) Maybe if that were the extent of it, I could get through a SINGLE conversation with someone without catching myself on a tangent about dogs (You would be utterly shocked at how few people care in the SLIGHTEST about dog nutrition or training... or maybe not, I guess. dogs are my obsessive topic thing. :/ They are my life entirely. If I could find someone else to just talk about dogs all day every day with, I would be a happy girl. There is little to no information I don't know about them- history, current breeds, training, nutrition, veterinary aspects, etc..)
Maybe if that were the extent of it, tiny changes wouldn't absolutely destroy my world, and things that SHOULD be fun (parties, concerts, friends) wouldn't make me feel like I'm in a blender.

Sigh.. Feel ranting.
I'm sorry, but I don't know any other way of getting that across. I don't mean to be overly defensive or mean or anything of that nature.
I am not the kind of person to jump to a conclusion without research.
I'm sorry if I seemed like I went off on you, just trying to explain myself.

Welkome to WP!

Mick

Mud&Stars- No, of course not. I know rationally that you meant no offense. Any offense taken was entirely on me, which I realized at the time as much as I realize now. Unfortunately, as ever-present as the logical work-through of any given situation is, it's next to impossible for me to fully separate emotion from that and act only on the logical portion. (Been trying for years and failing, anyway. Maybe some day I'll get it, lol.)
Thank you for not being offended by my typing mannerisms. Reading back on my typing, I always feel like I came off way too harsh.

Your wording, I think, was fine. You weren't impolite, just blunt. That's perfectly reasonable. I simply didn't provide a full spectrum of information.
No harm done!

I go to my psych tomorrow. REALLY nervous to bring this up, for some reason. I feel like she's going to be shocked and appalled?
I guess maybe I feel like she's going to terminate service with me, like my last couple doctors..

Tempered Glass, I hope you enjoy and learn a lot on this site. One thing you mentioned: an accent. It cracks me up when people ask me where my accent is from. I was born here! What are they hearing?
I hope tomorrow goes well for you.