Wi-Spie?

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Greetings! Wife of a possible Auspie here. He is undiagnosed, but fits the profile almost perfectly. Should I list some of the characteristics? Tactile sensitivity - to touch, texture. He's very mathematically oriented - an engineer by trade. Not socially inclined. He considers himself not to have friends (though it seems different from my perspective). Has been working on writing computer games in his spare time since he was 9. He's happily working on it right now (twenty years later!). He cannot feel empathy. He can't lie. He's truthful to a painful point. Usually has a script he is following, and just falls apart if he has to improvise (talking, driving, etc.). There's much more, but that's a good start.

In any case, I love him JUST the way he is and would not want to remove the AS from him if it was possible. What if the AS was gone and the things I love most about him were gone, too? So I am happy if I can lurk around the board and learn. Learning about AS has been a good experience for us, things can only get better with understanding.

Why spy? Because it pays well, that's why.

Welcome aboard.

You left out one important characteristic: He's lucky to have you. Welcome.

Hi and welcome to WP

Welcome to WP.

I am a 47 yo possible aspie, married 21 yrs, 2 sons 15 & 13. Your husband sounds quite a bit like me. My wife does not come here (I don't know how I would feel about her seeing some of my posts).

I am guessing you have some issues, or you wouldn't be here.

I am happy to PM about any questions. Being annonymous is great like that.

Where are you from (Continent, country, state?) How old are you. (You can always lie).

Hi welcome.

Thanks for the welcomes (hah, that sounds funny). We are in Colorado. I am 35. We've been together for 10 years. The issues we have are pretty normal. The difficult day to day issue for me is that I would like more positive reinforcement from him, but as I understand more about the condition, the more I realize it's not something he can give if it's not something he's feeling at the moment. He can't synthesize a feeling, a compliment, reinforcement, empathy... If he is feeling it, he says it. We have built him a script to help with sympathy - when something bad happens, he now knows what supportive behavior is and he can be very supportive. (I take care of my grandparents, and we have gone through some tuff medical situations with them.) I am learning to look for reinforcement in his behavior, and understand that his day to day behavior is kind and loving.

Before I learned about AS I was slightly offended that he wasn't interested in my past history (though relieved about not having to dredge up my own colorful past). I interpreted that and some of the other behaviors as him being uncaring or callous. After learning about AS I have a completely different view of things. Instead, I see it as a matter of him not having the brain wiring to behave differently. I couldn't live with someone who chose to be uncaring. Someone whose wiring expresses caring differently - I can be happy with.

The AS discovery happened when I was researching tactile sensitivity (sometimes just touching him is painful for him). I thought it was some common issue and there was a fix for it (I thought maybe it was allergy related). The only references to it I could find related to autism. As I searched more and read more, and found AS, it fit him perfectly. We talked about it and read about it, and he was relieved that his behavior and feeling are normal in the Aspie frame of reference. He thought he was the only one with those issues.

As with any relationship, it's a question of how can *I* change my way of viewing things? I am working on it, and I think it's been good for me. Does that give a much wider view of what I am looking for here? I want to learn and understand.