Not crazy after all (sorta long)

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Asperger's at 53

I ran into the Wired magazine article on Aspergers syndrome a couple of years ago and found that the article almost perfectly described “why I was the way I was”. I’ve not been formally diagnosed with AS and at my age I can’t see any point of going through that process, but I would like to share some of my experiences with you with the hope that you’ll see some positive things in how I’ve coped over the years.

I'm a 53 year old male. I grew up in Northern New Jersey and attended elementary and high school in Passaic NJ which had one of the better school systems in the state in those days.

I taught myself to read some time during kindergarten and could read most of the first grade books when I began that grade. I was very interested in rockets and space travel and I can remember bringing a space toy into school and lecturing my classmates on artificial satellites and the International Geophysical Year at age six – and yes I did use those words. I gained a reputation as a very fast reader and actually got in trouble when my teacher would assign an in-class silent reading exercise. I would be finished and ready to move on to something else when my classmates were still working. My teacher thought that I was goofing off and not paying attention. So one of the first defense mechanisms I learned was how to make yourself look “slower”.

Socially I was a mess all through school. I had a few friends but I always felt that there were relationships and forms of communication that I never really could understand. Its like there was a language that I just didn’t quite “get”. I always thought that people were mad at me or making fun of me. I had a reputation for saying mean things to people but in my own mind it was the other folks who couldn’t understand what I was trying to get across.

I never played sports in school. I did participate in church softball games and even boxed a little in the Navy, but I always felt very uncoordinated and uncomfortable. I didn’t even learn to ride a bicycle until I was almost twelve. My dad had been very active in high school sports and I felt that he was very disappointed by my lack of ability on the playing field.

When I reached the third grade I began to get the feeling that the school system of the day really didn’t know what to do with me. I was a very fast and advanced reader, and intensely interested in science, aircraft, and history. Gifted and talented programs didn’t exist and the best solution for a bored student was to advance you into the next grade. So I did third and fourth grade in one year. I believe that this practice has stopped because it proved to be one of the cruelest things that can be done to a child. Take a youngster who is the classic “geek”, very weak socially, not very good at sports – and put him in a class with older kids who will immediately pounce on the things that make him different.

Defense mechanism number two says ignore the other guys even though you really want to be liked and accepted. You don’t get invited to social events because you’re “different” and a year younger than everybody else so you get involved in church activities where people have to tolerate you and you get interested in solitary activities like model building and reading. You still really don’t understand how to “read” people and find that machinery is lots simpler – it works or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t you can fix it.

My parents were very loving and I truly believe that my teachers wanted the best for me but back in the 1950’s and 60’s people just didn’t know how to deal with individuals who thought and acted like me. I have no bad feelings toward them – even the mistake of placement into the next grade represented the best solution available at the time.

Some time during my late teens I began to understand that I truly was different. I learned that most people were not obsessed by obscure details. I learned that most folks were reasonably coordinated. I learned that social relationships came easy to most people. I learned too that I would have to change and adapt, at least a little, if I was going to be a useful and content person. I went through a very intense self appraisal process and made peace with what I was. I learned to work very hard to establish relationships and to accept the fact that I probably wouldn’t have a lot of friends.

I met a wonderful lady who has some genetic issues too. When the cards of life were shuffled, Marge's cards read Turner's Syndrome and she too has some problems to work through. We seem to compliment each other – she doesn't do details very well, I love them, she'll call anybody and talk about anything, I hate that evil device called the telephone. So between the two of us we manage to function pretty well and next year we'll celebrate our 30th anniversary.

I found a job where its okay to be a detail person. I’m a trainer for the Postal Service and I currently teach OSHA and environmental compliance issues. The folks at work joke that I’m the source of answers to all of their obscure questions. I also work part time as a reserve deputy sheriff.

I've often wondered how an Aspie can succeed in two jobs that require a significant amount of interaction with other people and I believe that the issue is one of control. When I teach I am pretty much in control of the situation and can plan and direct my day and the relationships with my students. I know what the questions will be and I've already got the answers figured out before hand. So I've got the structure that I need and who cares if I can read their faces. The other job is a little more difficult for me. Most of the things I do with the sheriff are planned events – parades, the county fair, election security – and I can cope with those things very well. I also do all of the paperwork, recordkeeping and training for my group within the department. And I don't have to do faces too often so it works. On a very interesting note I've found that I cannot recognize faces at all from composite police drawings – and just barely from photos. Probably not a good thing for somebody in law enforcement but tell me what kind of car they drive and I'll nail them in a minute.

After so many years of trying to figure out if it was just me I'm glad to learn that a bunch of us inhabit that other planet – where the “different drummer” plays his tune. We designed the drum and machined the sticks to exacting tolerances. We wrote the music that we only we can hear. And we march on to that music, teaching and inventing and programming with a slightly puzzled look on our faces as we wonder why the rest of the world doesn't dream in technicolor.

Welcome to WP, I hope I can say all of that when I'm 53. Right now I'm trying to survive college algebra.

I never got skipped ahead in school. Interpersonal issues with other students and teachers determined whether I did good in school or not, more often not than good.

I've done similar things, only instead of slower, I tried to make myself look dumber.



Deja vu here



I first realized that when I was three years old. I could never really understand how though at that young age.



I've been called a repository of usless information by other who I have worked with.

I am also a repository of useless information, like my father, but I haven't heard to many people say that to me.

CaptDave, I just wanted to say welcome, and I loved reading your post. I'm very glad you found our planet! I'm self-diagnosed Asperger's at 31, and that was only two weeks ago, so I very much understand what it's like. Welcome. Enjoy the music!