Hi. I've been struggling with social situations my whole life (21 now), and thinking I have Asperger's for a few years now. I'm not really asking you to diagnose me (though you can if you want!). I know I should seek a professional diagnosis, but I don't have the money or anyone willing to help me out.
Also, I don't really care about professional diagnoses. I know enough about Asperger's to see that at the very least, I can share in the struggles and my personality would mesh well with people who have this disorder. So I just came here to be able to talk to some people who understand me, since right now I honestly don't know one person who does.
By the way, I am female.
In case people are interested, here are my symptoms (feel free to ignore this part):
-Social difficulties: I have only had a few close friends in my life, and right now, I don't have any. I am not close to my family either, though they are close to each other. Part of me is fine being alone all the time, but part of me wants to connect with others. And even when I force myself to initiate contact, it NEVER develops into a friendship. (The few friends I've had have approached me first, happened to have enough in common with me to sustain conversation, and ended up spending enough time with me that we became close with no emotional effort on my part.)
-Obsessive personality: The one thing is, while I wouldn't say I have one specific "special interest," I do have one at any given time. I go back and forth, but I always have one thing that takes up all my time and it's all I want to talk about. Like, I was obsessed with memorizing "Walden" for like a month... then I was obsessed with chimpanzees for a long time, and now I'm obsessed with psychology and studying for my classes. Part of why I avoid socializing is that I feel like anything not having to do with psychology (for example) is a waste of my time.
-Hatred of social conventions and meaningless socializing: I don't understand the point of social conventions, so I ignore them. I feel like, if I have to sacrifice certain habits and aspects of my appearance to get someone to like me, then I don't want them to like me. I hate appearance upkeep, pure social activities, small talk, and having guests in the house without a good reason.
-Discomfort with emotional communication and affection: I get upset easily, and then I get too overwhelmed to speak about my feelings or needs. I used to write it down for people, but that makes some people mad, so I stopped. Also, I don't hug or console people when they cry, because it feels soo unnatural and uncomfortable to me. I also don't say "I love you" to relatives or let them hug or kiss me, BUT I feel fine doing that with animals, babies, very close friends, and the one boyfriend I had a year ago. I even feel weird smiling at people when I run into them, and my smile comes out awkward unless they've smiled at me first.
-Discomfort with sensory stimulation: I'm not sure if this is Asperger's, but I heard that it was. Anyway, since I am always reading or studying something, I get REALLY upset with any kind of noise or chatter. I also hate being touched, and I have a severe problem with certain odors, specifically artificial fragrances (like perfumes, scented cleaners, and lotions) and the smell of meat being cooked (I am also vegan, but for ethics, not because of the smell).
Also, do Asperger's symptoms change with your mood? I find that I am more lenient and better able to cope with social situations when I am happy with myself and not under stress from other sources. But when I am unhappy, I feel like I would do anything to be the only person in the world.
23 Nov 2011, 2:16 pm
