I'm new here! I'm nervous to share my real name for the fear of being recognized by family or people I know. So for now, you can call me Twylem. I hope you understand.
I'm self-diagnosed with Asperger's. I have practiced all my life to seem normal to outsiders, so doctors are hesitant to diagnose me, but it appears to be in my family and all signs lead me to believe it's why I've felt so different. Doctors like to think I have Bipolar, or Borderline, or just plain depression, but I just don't feel like that's accurate. I've done extensive research on all of the above and more and Asperger's just seems to "fit."
Like many others here, I'm unemployed. I've been trying to get a job for a considerable amount of time now. I recently thought I was hired, mainly due to the "I'd like to offer you a job," and, "welcome to the team," but now the employer is ignoring my calls and seemingly avoiding me, so I'm not so sure. I think that's a bit overboard to say those things when you really have no interest in hiring someone, but it wouldn't surprise me. The employers I've tried dealing with don't seem to think they owe anyone working under them any respect, certainly not a strange doormat like me.
I live on my own, by an inheritance I wasn't expecting, but it's running dry. I owe more just on this months bills than I have my account. I've run up credit cards trying to pay my bills, but still owe more than I can keep up with in taxes and utilities. So chances are, I'm going to end up either back at my mom's where I can't breathe from all the loud, undisciplined children running around at all hours--or a state away to my dad's where they absolutely hate that I won't pretend and play religion with them. And to be honest, I will probably drown myself before living with either of those.
I'm hoping to maybe learn a thing or two about how to keep up with normal folk from peoples' experiences here. I'm not stupid, I just fail miserably at understanding social rules and cues. I wish people could just understand what it takes for me to do seemingly "basic" tasks sometimes. But instead, people usually expect more from me, because they think I'm like a genius or something. Stress, stress, stress.
Sorry to be kind of depressing. Life is just piling up on me. I want to get out of this pit so badly, but every time I get some hope, everything seems to fall apart. I'm scared of what to expect next. It hardly seems worth it to keep trying, but
20 Mar 2012, 10:43 am
