Please Help Somehow

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hi,

well, it really seems that it has come to this. I am 38 years old. I was diagnosed as having aspergers syndrome just almost 3 years ago.

I live in a country I am not from; I have a child from here and they are great. 6 years old. I would never leave them. Mostly I am not able to offer the normal type of input expected of a parent but he has no doubt I love him dearly.

I have no friends here and in the 6 years I have been here I have seemingly been unable to make any.

People all my life have just told me I am crazy. And to be honest, I am now really starting to believe it! I don't want to be crazy!

I never used to feel like I was crazy but I am starting to! I spend every second of every day alone apart from when I am looking after my child - his mum found me to be "too difficult"..she is motivated for success and social..she liked me because I can paint and thought i would be a successful artist type

It has "gotten" so bad that I am now agoraphobic! I am too depleted to even dart to the supermarket and back!

I have NO ONE to turn to - those closest to me who aren't very near at all - It has gotten so bad that I tried reaching out to them - but they just think I am crazy.

The "Autismus Ambulanz" near me (it's German) want to help but they up until now only cater for children.

They are trying to construct a help course for adults for which I sent off the application, they sent me, to the local council-stadt.

Tomorrow, because I couldn't make myself go to an appointment the council alloted me about it, a social worker is coming to my small flat to see me.

They are coming in the morning, early, and as ever I am plagued by insomnia. I am worried I will fall asleep at about 5am and not hear the doorbell ring.

I don't even want to have to present myself.

It's like a paradox - i crave for companions but am unable to integrate with people.

I am writing this post because I am at my wit's end.

I look crazy to people - I've been told my eyes look so. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress some years ago because I was almost killed in a robbery once. I think I have looked completely panicked at the slightest thing ever since.

I am scared that my situation is actually making me crazy.

I think over the last two years or so of this solitude I've managed to get an alcohol problem too. I don't go near alcohol for weeks and then the constant aloneness gets so intense I make myself drunk...alone..in my flat!

I have had so little contact with the indigenous that I can't even properly speak the language...I have a simpleton pigeon level - this in itself has majorly precluded me from establishing any contacts...but now it's even worse by magnitudes...I rarely can even get outside!

I could go on and on trying to explain this situation but I think possibly I have conferred the basics already.

I am here out of desperation essentially.


Does anyone here live near Leipzig in Germany? I could really do with hanging out with someone.

It sounds to me like your situation is getting worse instead of better. I'd say being in a foreign country where you barely speak the language would be a big stress for anyone, let alone someone on the spectrum.

You must be choosing to continue to live there for the sake of your child, yes? If so, perhaps you should recognize what some of your largest stressers are and find soluions or coping skills. Get a language learning book or program, and make a point to play chess at the park, or something routine where you can possibly meet some people through a common interest. Even if your German is poor, people will very much appreciate your effort. You may also find many of the locals speak English.

You have chosen to live there for your child, and that's awesome. The next step is making yourself feel at home, which clearly you dont. Get outside and get some fresh bread at a local bakery; be an actor in a movie, just walk in with ease and smile and ask for bread, pay and leave with a polite good bye... Make a routine and use it to get comfortable. I wish you the best of luck. Please pm if I can be of any assistance.

Welcome to the forums!

Maybe there is someone in your city who needs an English tutor, and you need a German tutor, you can meet regularly and work on your conversation skills?

thanks for the replies..

I can speak german to a certain extent...

I tried being an english tutor when i first arrived...i was much more optimistic then - I had a job as an english teacher for some company or other - i was supposed to be teaching english for retraining to unemployed east germans who were almost at retirement age - they had to attend the classes or their food and rent provision would be stopped - it was hopeless, i felt sorry for them and they knew as well as I did that it was a bureaucratic nonsense - so unfortunately i decided to forge the attendance record for some of them as they had extraneous circumstances which truly prohibited them from being able to keep up with such nonsense. Another teacher inadvertently got wind of this, told the employers and, of course, i was sacked from the job whilst having it made clear to me "you'll not get another teaching job in this town"

That doesn't really matter now anyhow, there is no way I could stand in front of a class of disgruntled east germans and teach them english again.

I am myself have become unemployed/able.

I love to play chess and perhaps if the iron curtain was in place the outdoor chess culture would not be gone..

I've been here 6 years now, almost 7, 5 of them completely alone - I don't seem to be able to form any meaningful relationships here - everyone i have met so far seemed to be content with the friends they already had and found me simply too "crazy".

A few years ago when I had more oomph I placed an advertisement in a local magazine for "conversational english help" - unfortunately it didnt work out due to the fact that by and large it always seemed like my advertisement was taken to mean code for "male escort services". thats not a joke.

I just feel completely depleted in this situation now.

that's what I mean... I was too candid already...

as soon as i start talking people invariably bolt for the hills!

Hi KyleSomehow! What you need to do is find ways to keep yourself occupied and distracted, so your problems won't over whelm you. Here are some things you can try.

- Exercise, it will release endorphins which boost the mood, and you may meet other people while doing it.
- Read funny stories, and watch funny TV shows. Humor also releases mood boosting endorphins.
- Volunteer, there are people out there who are worse off than we are.
- Listen to and/or play nice music. It will have a calming effect.
- Take courses, either in person or online. Some of the online courses are free.
- Take up a hobby. Besides keeping you occupied, you can meet others who share your interests.
- Join a club. You will meet people who share your interests, just like with hobbies.
- Local libraries, schools, and community centers often let different organizations hold meetings or other functions in their meeting rooms. Attend some of those.
- Go to sporting events, plays, fairs, art shows, the zoo, etc.

The world is not going to come to you. If you want to be a part of it, you have to get out and participate in life.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

thanks.


the advice is good and tbh I have tried many of these things. The problem is that I simply dont have any energy left at all.

If you are out of options , perhaps you should consider taking a sabbatical; return to your place of origin with the intent of getting back on your feet for your child. You'll do them little good as a nearby shut in. Go home. Get strong. Then go back. Nothing wrong with that. Even the strongest athletes need to rest.

Welkome to WP

Mick

KyleSomehow, don't worry.

Yes, I know, it's too hard to be the "nextversion-human" into the "previousversion-human" majority (for whom you are a stranger, so may be dangerous, so nongrata).
You are potential enemy for them, it's true.
But once, in future, this will change the other way around
And we shall rule the world

Don't worry, you are not sick (it's "previousversion's" point of view).
Don't worry, be happy (to be "nextversion")!
We are with you.

To WrongPlanet!! !