Newly self diagnosed

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Hi all,

I am recently self diagnosed AS, which after spending a whole week researching the subject after my cousin hinted that he thought i might be, i have kind of confirmed what i have known for years. As i said, i have spent the last week reading everything i could about ASD(i suppose a bit obsessively) and what i have read, especially on this site, all rings true to how i have felt, acted, and behaved for as long as i can remember.

I grew up as an only child(i used to think i was a loner for this reason) but have had many friends over the years. Although i hated and didn't understand school(don't get me wrong, i undrstood what was being taught, just not anything else), i tried to fit in with my peers and do the "normal" things. I always messed things up and got embarrassed regularly, which lead to frustration at not being the same as everyone else.
I know this sounds kinda lame, but i always tried to dumb down to fit in with everyone - altough there was no way i was ever going to like sports(football and the like) and wasn't prepared to dumb down that much lol.

I should probably say at this point that i am nearly 38, and am only now gaining an understanding of who i really am, in the context of me and everyone else - if that makes sense?! I have told my closest friends what i think, and after a brief explanation to them about what ASD meant - they pointed a few "quirks" i used to have, like facial ticks, body movement etc. I used to put up with a lot of bullying when i was younger, and i guess i tried to fit in with NT's to make it stop. It also took me a long time to bring my "individuality" under control when in public/out with friends etc. as i didn't want them to get embarrassed on my behalf.

Sorry, i'm kinda waffling on a bit, but this is my first post EVER on any subject, and i guess i need to get a few things off my chest. I don't know if this sounds strange or not, but i am actually quite relieved in a way to finally have a reason as to why i am different from the rest of the "others" out there, but i have always loved different/strange/bizzare things and people, and i am ready to embrace my new found self with open arms(obviously i won't be letting anyone else embrace me lol - is that just me? - not big on human contact). I have fought my inner demons all my life, and thought i had won the battle into "normality" when i got married about 10 years ago....... i have now been seperated for 2 years, and have never been happier! I know, it's not supposed to work that way round is it, but i struggled so much during my marriage that it was such a relief when it ended, i wasn't upset at all. I cried my eyes out when my dog died last year, but when the wife left...........nothing.

Sorry, waffling again. I do this in conversation as well, waffle on.... when i can be bothered to talk that is!!

I'll finish up by saying that after reading lots of posts on this site, it is nice to know that i'm not the only "normal" person stuck on this rock, trying to put up with the rest of the idiots, and it has given me a whole new outlook on the way i need to move forward with my life. I know i will always struggle in certain situations, but i will persevere!! Failing that, i'll just stay at home.

Best wishes to everyone

xx

Welcome to WP. I can understand what you are going through. I only found out about 5 months ago. Knowing about AS can make a big difference.

You'll probably find yourself over analyzing yourself in the beginning - 'Am I doing this because of AS?' or 'I must control my eye contact'. While it can be uncomfortable it will mostly wear off.

Welcome to WP!

i didn't figure mine out 'til my nephew was diagnosed. i was (and am) 55.

welcome to WP.

Hi HarleyChris! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the interesting and helpful articles and forums here. You are among friends here at WP!

I am in my early 50s, and came across info about Classic Autism in the 70s or 80s, but didn't see myself in that. About 8 years ago I came across an article about Asperger's Syndrome and immediately saw myself in that article. I continued reading the occasional articles that came my way over the next few years. A few years ago, I started actively researching it, and then took an online test that confirmed my belief that I have Asperger's. Not long after that my sister contacted me to tell me that she had read about Asperger's and believed I have it. I told her that I had also heard about it, researched it, and had already come to that conclusion. I told her what a relief it was to finally know why I am different. Even without a cure, at least knowing what it is has reduced a lot of stress caused by the frustration of not knowing why I am so out of step with the rest of the world. Also, the research I have done has helped me to understand my problems better, too, even though it doesn't help me fix them. Over my 5+ decades of life I had managed to come up with coping methods for some of my problems. I found the research mentioned some of them, so by trial and error I had been helping myself somewhat.

My research has also indicated that I have AvPD - Avoident Personality Disorder (basically had all the traits), and EFD - Executive Function Disorder (have some of the traits), as comorbid with my Asperger's. All of these problems plus my other health issues do make life a challenge, but at least I now have some idea of what I am up against.

I hope you like WP, and take advantage of the different forums here. They have been helpful to me, and I like the site.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome!

I too am recently self-diagnosed. For me, realizing I might me an Aspie has been an interesting experience. It's hard to explain, exactly, what it felt like, but once I learned what the traits of Aspergers are, my quirks suddenly all made sense. I'm still getting used to the idea of being an Aspie, but I've picked up a new special interest along the way--Aspergers itself!

Thankyou all for your comments and welcomings. I have been reading a lot of the posts over the course of the last week, and have found some comfort, but also many questions have arisen which have been twirling round my head to the point of annoyance. It's not a new thing for me to get annoyed with myself, it's just the sudden intensity - wierd huh?

Anyway, Fishsticknick, i know what you mean about the new interest thing - i can't seen to break my thoughts onto the other favourite subjects in my life at the moment, but i guess i now know the reason for that now lol

And the thing about over analysing oneself- yeah! I have done that for as long as i can remember. At one point last week i thought i was going to annoy myself more than the people around me did
I have noticed myself being more concious of, well myself, over the last few days, especially at work.

I feel I have a long journey ahead, and although the seas are rough, i have a sturdy vessel, and a reliable crew! I know i am going to deal with it all ok, like i always have with everything(i think)...........well, ok, not entirely sure, but it is a fantastically good thing that forums like these are here to give support and advice, and i hope i can offer some in return should the opportunity arise.

Best wishes to everyone, and thanks again.