Hey guys. I'm new here. I guess I should start by saying that I believe I have Aspergers. My doctor says that our last meeting made so much sense. I don't understand how nobody told me how weird I was before. I am completely obsessed with certain things: politics, current events, languages, geography. I am fluent in both spanish and english, but I just recently found out that I dominate every conversation I enter. I have been practicing my spanish lately to start a business as an interpreter, but have found myself talking to myself in spanish....around others. Now I don't even know if I would be able to interpret for people, because of my anxiety. If people are not interested in my interests, I just go insane. Even in class. A few weeks ago, my brother's girlfriend got drunk and started poking her finger at me trying to diagnose me with schizoid pd or something. I go on a roll about EVERY topic I care to discuss.
I was bullied quite a bit in grade school. My "friends" would smile at me in class, then follow the ring leader and laugh and push and kick on the bus. I was pretty much the butt of every joke in high school. The name of the game in my group of friends was, well "ditch me", I guess. They weren't friends, I now realize. I had one girlfriend the entire four years. I saw her two weeks ago, and she walked around the store to avoid me. I never talked about any of my social problems with my parents. I thought being bullied was a flaw. And my dad is apparently perfect. And a perfectionist. I have always been quite afraid of angering him.
Recently I tried to start a relationship with a classmate who has a young child. Now that I look back on it, I was trying to be all sweet and fatherly, but there is no way in hell she thought I was being anything but a creeper. I feel like every girl in that school is now talking about me.... sucks.
Let me put it like this: I said IN PASSING in class one day that "I guess I like to talk". A class of 12 people in unison literally said "we know". That was literally the most embarrassing minute of my life, I wanted to run out of the room. I'm sick of dominating conversations, pissing people off, and turning them off. I want to be more friendly and personable.
I hope this isn't too long.
13 Apr 2012, 12:13 am
