Hi all!

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I've joined today in the hope of finding good conversation and good company (if there are others here from Southern England!?). I'm 28 and only in the last year have considered that maybe I am Autistic and possibly have AS. I intend to get myself assessed but it's something I am unsure about.

I find myself in this complicated situation where in normal life I pretty much do okay and can pretend enough that nobody generally thinks there is anything different about me. I am occasionally quirky and come out with odd and random thoughts. I appear shy and a little awkward but inside I am constantly doing my best to fit in and copy everyone. Well it's starting to get really lonely but I don't know how to broach the subject of how i am inside with anyone close to me.

I am also worried that if i take the test and I start telling people that it will have consequences elsewhere in my life. For example i have good and steady job and career in software testing. I enjoy the job and the people there but if i attach the AS label to myself people may treat me differently, single me out and it may even effect my future career prospects.

I want to have completely open and honest conversations (debates and discussions!) but there are so many odd and wierd rules around conduct in conversation with NT's (only come across this 'NT' expression today!) that i'm constantly worried of offending someone so I always stick to safe and simple topics. I maintain an interested in current affairs and my local football team so i can have conversations with my friends but i am not passionate about it.

I have been pretending, saying and doing what ever is required of situations for so long that i am not sure who i really am. Perhaps there is no real me and I'm just a robot providing solutions to obstacles (when interract with people) as required in order for me to tread the path of least resistance till the day i expire?

I am not sure where i am going with this, if its either ranting or just trying to get all this off my chest. Perhaps I just need get things written down and read by someone else and just need a little encouragement to learn to accept myself and be myself more.

But as usual I digress. I can never explain the simple things in life in a simple way!

If anyone would like to chat to me about anything then please do. No subject is irrelevent or offensive.

Graham

P.S. I know all the above is coming off sounding a little dry but I really do like to have fun and banta and firmly believe you need to laugh at yourself to live life properly! I just hope i don't accidentally offend anyone!

Hi GrahamG84. Welcome to WP - hope you like it here.

You seem to have done well for yourself in life. Keep up the good work.

Is there anywhere you can do to perhaps subtly bring in your own individuality whilst still maintaining your standing?

Yes, there's plenty of people here from Southern England, so you shouldn't feel too alone. There's quite a lot of members here from London and the surrounding area.

You won't offend anyone here - and if you do, it doesn't really matter anyway. Differences can usually be patched up and it all becomes part of the rich tapestry of life.

Welcome to WP!

Hi GrahamG84! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the interesting and helpful articles and forums here. You are among friends here at WP!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi Tequila, Tim_Tex, questor and AnonymousAnonymous. Thanks for your welcome replies

There is certainly a lot to read up on here and it's very refreshing hearing some of the debates the discussions that go on. I will try to get involved with my free time!

Tequila, I've been stumped over your question for a while now. Partly because its difficult to talk about such things to someone else and well partly because of my tendency to change the way I act to be tailord for different people. I have let my house mates know that I have difficulty dealing with people at times and need some down time but that was a short conversation and now it just feels like its something that got side shifted away one night after a few drinks. I guess I don't want to lumber people with my dfficulties.

Back to the original question though, I imagine my outward personality on a sliding scale, one end being my true self and the other end sounding and acting like a complete NT and my tendency to try and appear as close to the NT side is something I just instinctively try to do to fit in (perhaps a self preservation reflex?). I have no idea how far along this is for everyone I interract with. To say if i could somehow slightly bring my own individuality into these interractions just bogs me down in all the silly questions that always bog me down when dealing with other people. The things I don't understand I still dont understand which leads me back to trying to be safe and boring to not stand out for fear or persecution (perhaps an entirely undfounded fear!).

When I misunderstand things I jokingly put myself down and try to play them out as honest mistakes or I just try to carry on as if i haven't done something wrong. I think I can usualy tell when I have done something odd or not classed as normal but to then try and explain that I really didn't understand something might come out worse. Especially if the entailing conversation lasts ten times longer than the incident itself and still leads to miffed looks. I prefer to go with being slightly rude (not returning morning greetings) and looking like an idiot (giving the wrong reply or response to a greeting!) rather than trying to explain myself to everyone I come across. For example I am constantly perplexed by something as simple as the question "How is it going?"... Do i give them a complete and honest answer about the state of my life or just the entirely pointless, "I'm fine, and you?"? I usualy just end up saying something vague and random inbetween the two and then forget to ask the "and you" part. I'm guessing some people may actually be interested in what I got up to over the previous weekend but I also guess most people are simpy expecting the basic stock answer back in return as they are just trying to be polite and don't really care anything about me. You only have to look at the above message size to realise I already massively over complicate things!

Sorry, I am INTP and I can't give half an answer and absolutely feel the need to explain every angle! I hope I haven't bored to death anyone who has read all of this! I like long indepth debates

Good name by the way, I put mine in without thinking and already I regret it for its boringness!

I hope to get involved in some discussions but if I ramble on too much just tell me to shut it and I won't be offended

Try not to get involved or take it too seriously though - that can be one of the pitfalls of coming here too much. I'm not saying you will but if you have an addictive personality anyway it might be something worth considering.



So it's like a social mask if you will? Listen, you seem like an intelligent bloke so I'm sure you're not using the same handle here that you use on other websites are you? If you do, you might want to reconsider having an account here and starting afresh. Just a thought, like.

Perhaps the veil of pseudonymity might make it easier to be able to talk about your feelings in general.



That's understandable but you also need to get your own happiness and your own needs sorted out as well.



The basis on your fear being unfounded depends on the people and on the social context. There are lots of situations where being your true self would be unwise, but I'm sure by that same token that there would be situations - perhaps with close friends, if you have any, or new people you might meet through here or somewhere else - where you can let your mask slip a little.



Try not to put yourself down too much. If you do it too much or if you make it look as though that is how you really feel about yourself, others will pick up on that.



The entirely pointless answer is the one desired by people unless you're a very close friend or lover.

Generally, if they are interested, they'll ask you in more detail. It's just a cursory, almost meaningless greeting.

I haven't answered all your points there, sorry, but it's getting late and all.

Good point about the pseudoname. I don't really have one or use many sites but I guess I can think of something different to use...

Thanks for your thoughts Tequila, they are appreciated!

Hey Graham. Familiar story. Wecome aboard. I'm fairly new myself, but it's great here. Software testing is hell.

Hi Graham! It looks like we use the same kind of social strategies; although I wouldn't say that they necessarily have to compromise your real self, since the methods you chose seem to be quite indicative of your personality. I also didn't want to cause a fuss and would find myself apologizing for a faux pas before I even made it! Over time, I think other people have derived parts of my personality from these events (such as observing that even though I was nervous, I was conscientious enough to try and make them feel comfortable), and most have been understanding. I'm always surprised by how well other people can pick up on these things, so you probably don't need to worry too much about being dry or 'robotic'. Hope to speak with you more in the future, and welcome to WP!

Hi ZX_SpectrumDisorder and Snowflower333,

I was going to create a new account like Tequila mentioned but after some thought it occured to me that if anyone did track me down (can't think of who!) then its only going to be the truth about me. They can make of it as they will. Anyway this username only shows an eBay account which isn't me, a petition I signed years ago and possibly my dating profile (which is a complete waste of time!). So I'll stick with this

ZX (do you mind if I call you that?) Software testing is indeed hell but I find its a hell well suited to my personality I love my puzzles and breaking down the systems. I must admit every project I have worked on always seems like a slow moving car crash that never hits the wall HAHA!

Snowflower, I don't compromise a few core values so I guess those do show through. As for the faux pas I feel all you can really do is laugh at them (usualy to myself!) and carry on. I must admit most people do seem quite relaxed and forgiving about my tendencies. However, some people are not. I really do find it's so frustrating that sometimes I don't realise I've offended someone with my behavior or choice of words and recently shattered a friendship with a group of people I liked hanging out with. I still don't even know what I said or did wrong

So I've done a lot of reading on this site and it has gotten me thinking about how I conduct myself. I think maybe I can try to be a little more open to some friends (not that I have many) and see how it goes. However I am really afraid of someone rejecting my explanation of how I see and deal with life around me. I worry I have become rather adept at appearing NT, much to the loss of my own enjoyment of life. Sometimes I also worry if i just talk myself in circles too lol! One step at a time I guess.

Great talking with you all and I hope you get to know you better too!

Welkome to WP

Mick