Hello~ :)

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I'm new here and I stumbled across this site from the wikipedia article about Asperger Syndrome.

I'm a 27-years old undergraduate psychology student with my favourite area being cognitive neuroscience (I started studying Japanese, English and Spanish before that but didn't finish the degree).
I love reading, playing the piano, (fantasy) video games, photography, drawing/painting, cooking (especially sophisticated desserts) and dancing (classical ballet). And learning new languages. I currently speak German, English and Japanese quite fluently, started to learn Spanish, Korean and Icelandic and have Arabic, Finnish and Latin on my to-do-list. Oh, and I deliberately forgot all my French because I don't like the sound of it. I was born in Germany but live in London now.
I have had several therapists but none of them suggested AS so far. I came across that during my studies and started researching. I did some of the tests you have also posted here in a different thread and I think I'll take them to my next therapy session.

What got me of to think about AS is:
First of all, I am sociophobic - not to the extent that I have panic breakdowns, but I feel extremely uncomfortable. Small groups are the worst. I think I lack the instinct of how to behave in groups. I am constantly analysing the situation, looking for patterns and try to select the most appropriate reaction. Sometimes I feel like I'm sitting at a switchboard looking at the situation and press different buttons according to which reaction might be expected. The funny thing is: I'm good at that. I outperform most of my friends in smalltalk abilities, I am likeable and I can get along with anyone - I just don't care.
I'm probabIy good at that because I react the way I think the other person expects me to and not like "me". To me there is no "me" in a social setting because I don't know how to be.
Partly, I attribute my good small talk skills to the fact that I grew up in a household with eight adults and no other kids. That gives you a lot to learn about social interaction, i.e. a lot of buttons to choose from, later on. But if I don't remember that I should, I don't say things like "thank you" or "sorry", I don't greet people if they don't greet me first and I usually don't think of asking "and you?" if someone like a colleague or fellow student asks me how I feel - because I don't care.
I don't look into other people's eyes - I never have and I probably never will get used to it. I feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I look between their eyes, that makes them think I do look into their eyes but I don't. I still feel uncomfortable but sometimes it helps getting something across.
Secondly, I'm obsessed with planning and ordering. I love calendars. I could spend my whole day planning how to spend my day. I have little stick-notes in shape of a clock, different timetables for everything, usually more than one calendar just because I can't decide which I like best. I write and rewrite notes and lists and plans - usually they then don't work out because I didn't factor in that I can't learn for four hours straight or my mother calls me or whatever - but that only means I have to make another plan...
I hate typos and grammatical mistakes of any kind - if I did make any here, that is because English isn't my first language... I write and rewrite notes, correction fluid is my most valued stationary and I can toss two pages of written notes and write them again if I made a mistake in the last line. It is somewhat a perverse enjoyment to write it all again, really.. because basically I love writing notes, it's just a little frustrating if I write them for the fourth time. ^^;
And apparently I am a very analytical person. I often don't understand what makes people around me upset - I still know how to comfort them, though, that's a simple pattern of what to say and what not (doesn't always work, but more often than not). I don't understand most emotional motivations, jealousy, for instance. Once, someone fell haplessly in love with me and I was totally at a loss how to deal with that.
I (automatically) rationalise my own emotions because I don't know how to deal with a non-systematical thing. I have no idea how to just "feel" an emotion - or at least I think that's what it is. I never worry about things with too many open variables and if something negative happens I acknowledge the causes, consequences and how it could have been avoided and I am not angry or sad about it for long afterwards. Well, except if I lose something or someone... I had to find out that cat-shaped holes in my life can't be rationalised.
That doesn't go for most of my (human) friends though. I never had more than five or six friends and I tend to lose them because I don't contact them if they don't contact me. I just don't... I can't even say they don't mean anything to me, they're my friends after all, but for some reason they lose... substance.. if I don't have contact with them and then I just forget. There is a slight pang of conscience which is probably mostly due to my not behaving as I think is expected of me, not because I lost a friend. I have three close friends, however, that know they mean much to me even though I seem somewhat distant at times. And those three really do mean much to me - partly because I feel understood with some of my oddities. But even then I often prefer to be alone.. It's just less demanding.
Oh, and I absolutely love things that smell good or feel good! My most treasured part time job was with Lush - a brand for natural, hand-made cosmetics and bath products - because I was surrounded by good smelling things for 6 hours a day. I'd have dozens of shampoos, bubble baths and scented candles if I could afford it. I select my clothes in a store by walking along the shelves touching everything. If it feels good, I have a look at it.

What made my therapist not think about AS is probably that I'm a verbally very eloquent person - as I said, I'm good with smalltalk even though I dislike it - and I don't have any coordination deficits. Quite the contrary, actually, I seem to be rather talented in ballet, which I started a year ago. I'm fascinated by the perfection and elegance - not to mention the fitness aspect. I'm just ridiculously inflexible..

Anyway, sorry for the long intro and thank you if you made it up to here.
I'm usually not that talkadive but I'm happy to have found this community of (hopefully) like-minded people.

- Camui



I added the results of a few tests here, just for interest:
AQ Test: 35-33 depending on test
EQ-SQ Test: 21/82 - Extreme Systemising
IQ Test: 124 (95th percentile) - 155 (99th percentile) depending on test.
Broad Autism Phenotype Test: 119 aloof, 104 rigid, 80 pragmatic (higher than others by 78%, 66% and 34% respectively)
Aspie Quiz: 120/200 Asperger : 84/200 Neurotypical - most likely an Aspie
And additionally I am an "INTJ"-personality in the Jung typology test with: very expressed introvert, moderately expressed intuitive, distinctly expressed thinking, and distinctly expressed judging personality - also known as "Mastermind"

Welcome!

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

I'm INFP. You'll find lots of kindred spirits here.

Hey Welcome to WP.
Based entirely upon your introduction about yourself, I really would like to become your friend ^-^
inbox me sometime I don't bite (much). =)

Welkomm!

Thank you

I noticed something else and would like to know if anyone can relate to that (which is also true for all the other things I described above; I don't know anyone else who could have any more than a speculative opinion on these things...):
I realised, I mirror facial expressions when I watch films or drama series. I don't necessarily empathize but for some reason I mimicking whatever expression the character on screen is doing.
And I consciously have to keep myself from doing that, if it's a very strong emotion.
Isn't that odd?
Maybe it's an unconscious effort to understand the emotions?
Has anyone here noticed something similar, maybe?

Hey, Welcome. =]
I don't think mimicing an emotion is odd, I think it's your way of understanding how the other person is feeling is by feeling the same way.

The thing is, I don't mimic the emotion, but the facial expression. But then, there is evidence that facial expression can trigger the according emotion, not just the other way. So maybe that is an attempt to experience the emotion by copying the way it is expressed.
Sorry for analysing out loud, so to speak. That's the scientist in me...
I could as well ask that in a different topic.

Come to think of it...yes, I think I do that too, sometimes.

Welcome and don't let the bad trolls annoy you.

Welkome to WP

Mick

I guess as long as you don't walk around mimicking the menacing grin of a serial killer you're alright!

Probably not. I might sit in front of the TV mimicking the menacing grin of a serial killer, though.
But I assume it would look more ridiculous than menacing on my face, anyway...