hellooooo....

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um hi

I'm paul. I'm 29.

when I was young my parents thought I had autism cause I did not pay attention when they called my name. Later they found out I was deaf in one ear and thought that was the reason.

little further on, I developed a stutter, never went away. still have it.

in '05 I realized I had an anxiety issue. Taking anti-depressants helped it, and my stutter too

I've been an awkward little weirdo my entire life. I thought it was just the anxiety (panicking in public saying and doing strange things)

after I lost my job, was screwed over by the doctors office that was writing my prescriptions (they stole my labor, computers, and refused to write any more prescriptions). I went off paxil 40mg cold turkey and attempted suicide

now i'm back living with my parents and not very long after I moved in I started thinking there is another reason for the way I act.

I began to do a little MORE research into my social anxiety and aspergers came to be a possibility. I looked at some of the symptoms. and even though I have no trouble recognizing people emotions by their face, or interpreting metaphors in conversation (infact sometimes I can literalize or change metaphors and turn it into a joke). But at time in conversation I do steer things my way, or get lost talking about something without realizing it.

I keep to a routine, go eat at the same place ever night

then I realized I had the red flag of twirling my hair into knots (sometimes I have to pull apart and pull out), and sometimes when I do this the world just kinda fades out. I also have a overtly high intelligence. Very vivid imagination, and can solve computer problems by just picturing it and the mechanisms that could be causing it.

I was pretty sure, but I kept it out of my mind for a while

then a earlier this week I found out I do two other things that are also red flags

I walked on my toes as a child, and if i'm not wearing shoes, I do to this day
I vocalized my thoughts, all the time, sometimes out loud without realizing it

my mother (shes a teacher) asked one of the school diagnosticians and shes I probably do

yesterday I also realized I have the 'Sandal toe gap' present in ~60% of people with autism

so yeah, i'm pretty sure I have aspergers of HFA

when i figured out i had aspergers, life made more sense. best of luck to you, whether or not you pursue a diagnosis.

oh i'm going to and you're right. I feel a little better about myself so now I don't consider myself as a '29 year old weirdo looser living with his parents'.

if it makes you feel any better, i lived with my parents on and off ['cept when i was in the army], until their passing several years back, at which point i was in my late-40s. i ended up becoming their eldercare guardian by default. now i am a hermit in a tin can out in the woods.

how do you get internet?

I have a sudden picture of a windows 95 box, hooked to a car battery and an inverter and a long, long phone cable hooked up to a phone pole

*sigh* I wish I could do that

up until 2010 i was using windows 98se, but MSN made it so i was forced to upgrade to a new machine running W7 [IMHO, a POS OS], and since i could only afford the cheapest new machine on short notice, it is woefully underpowered to run W7, which requires for proper performance nothing less than a pentium [or AMD equivalent] with 4G of high speed ram as well as a high-speed hard drive, none of which come with celeron processors typically found in economy class machines. but i digress, as i usually do anyways, out here where the smogberry trees grow, mostly it is dial-up. i was lucky in that i was in a "dsl-lite" area relatively close to the phone company box that enables a low-speed digital connection. connection speed varies between 256-640 kb/s, mostly towards the lower end. but it beats the burlap out of dialup out here, which on antiquated copper phone lines is only guaranteed by the phone company @9600 baud which is barely sufficient for anything but basic text-only email. when i was on that dial-up i had to turn off all graphics/sounds on my browser, and it still took over a minute to load each page. thank god i don't have to put up with that anymore.

be careful what you wish for. there are yahoos out here in the sticks, loudmouths who have no use for aspies. i have to watch my back, lots of uncurbed nasty dogs running wild. pepper spray is a must. i live almost an hour from any real civilization [major city], the closest one is two counties away. 40 minutes away from me is a glorified wide spot in the road that is the county seat of my otherwise sparsely populated county. if i want to visit fancy things like an actual theatre or even a museum or such, i have to be willing to drive over an hour for the privilege. at least we have wally world out here, they are the only place to shop in this county, and thankfully they have all the essentials under one roof. if you can actually live in a real city with all the city amenities [really useful public transit that comes by several times per hour, culture/arts] and survive all the crowds and traffic and complexity, you are way better than me. i wish i could have the cultural enrichment sans everything else.

btw, hiya uranium welcome to WP

Win7 is actually pretty good but yeah if you are under spec it can be a pain in the ass. Even more so if you're under dial up (can't imagine how long it would take a download a service pack). And updates can be downright huge. Yikes

now a days parts are getting cheaper (cept for hard drives, but thats due to flooding in malaysia). So you'll find 4gb/dual core as a minimum

maybe one day then i'll be able to find a used 4G dual core someplace, for an affordable price.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

hi and welcome to wrong planet

Welkome to WP

Mick

if you lived in texas I'd build one for ya

for somebody like me, texas would not be a welcoming place ['cept for maybe san antonio and austin]. i LOVED san antonio, 'cept for barely avoiding heatstroke there. the riverwalk is sublime and the jazz clubs swingin'! circa 1985, it was electronics lovers' heaven