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Okay..obviously i am new here and a bit unsure about the way you will all talk to me. My son was diagnosed after many a year of me being called a useless mother and for me check my parenting skills. I am now going for my diagnosis and am a bit scared and worried about the whole deal. I have always said i would make a good hermit yet as a kid i found i never had a problem with myself until someone told me i should. Even as an adult i feel fine when i am alone yet a total mess when out in public. I cant believe all these years people were saying whats wrong with you, why are you so selfish, i got sent to endless amounts of counsellors who just said she is a angry girl yet she wont talk to us. I have always felt less of a person, you know like i have all these ideas in my head and am excited then it takes one bit of doubt and that is the end of me. I stay at home and jsut go moldy instead of trying because the fear of failing sits very heavy on me. I hate any attention drawn to me and hate people looking at me. Going out is an absolute meltdown waiting to happen becuase one minute people smile at you then next they walk straight away from you like you dont exist then will talk to you again.......my mind does not stop working all the time..i scan everywhere i go then worry ilook like a thief....then get worried others will notice....when people say things when i have not prepped myself for i cant reply quickly and am caught off guard...before i get to my sons school i must think of all possible replies to conversations that the mothers may bring up so i dont look like an idiot then if something else catches me off guard inside i am a mess then go home and cry. Why is this like this...if i dont get my car spot at the school inside is a mess again, if a different route is taken then i am used to i get upset....i guess i have lived all my life like a freak and being told i am just lazy, useless, selfish etc and know i am a month or two away from being told it is not my fault...how do i now erase all the negatives in my head...also how to i stop taking on all the other peoples beliefs in how a person should be...i am scared to tell people because then i have left myself open for critisicm and vulnerable then they will know i am different and have been wearing a mask. I mean i am very forward and end up being called aggressive yet i just cant lie very well...if i dont like someone why cant i tell them so as not to waste my breath and words in conversation...if they ask me if i like something they are wearing and i dont why am i the rude one when i say NO yet they asked me.....why could i be considered shifty if i cant make eye contact etc and finally WHY MUST I BE THE ONE TO CHANGE and not them..........i want to help my son go further in his life than i did yet i have no idea how to do it....anyway this is me and i will look forward to your responses..well maybe!! !

Hello there. Sounds like you grew up around a bunch of selfish idiots. But it's okay, we can help you out. Well, I can't as I'm only 16, but you get the idea, this is a great place to just let out all your feelings and never truly consider them again. Welcome to Wrong Planet.

hello and welcome. I am 43yo female and just got a DX after years of "mental health intervention" also know as...you are defective and this is what you need to do to be be like "us".No thanks.As far as getting rid of those negative past messages,knowing you arent crazy,arnt alone and there is a scientific explanation for how you function....goes along way.On the other side of the coin...being "selfish" is part of the definition of "aut"ism...IMO.It doesnt mean we dont self-sacrifice(for me,most human contact is a self-sacrifice),or that we dont have feelings for others.We just show it differently and chose more carefully who is worth the effort and dont play the games of pretending that others play.I can be a very giving person but it took me years to learn not to let people suck me dry(some will try).It is a matter of self preservation.

I wrote my parents an email telling them about my dx and have still not heard back(over a month)cant say I am surprised but a little hurt.My boyfriend thinks the whole AS DX is a joke and I havent told anyone else because few people know anything about it or would bother researching it because.....Big Brother is on tonight and then they have to get their nails done and gosh...where does the time go.(peoples lack of intellectual curiosity has always amazed me).It is more important for you to know and understand yourself then anyone else.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

thanks for the welcome everyone...it was great to hear your view on the whole matter Krex...it is exactly what i think....FAKE...i just cant be or like to be.....you know i dont watch much tv because it is so upsetting to me to see people focus on such crap when there are bigger and more important things out there. Would anyone know if it is common with AS to start something and i mean really want to do it yet never seem to make it to the end of it...or the moment someone puts doubt in your head it ruins all the good ideas you had, you see i have good ideas things i know would work then i ask someone a question to find the answer out and they go one with a pile of stuff that i may not have thought of then i just deflate because they make it sound so hard and complexed when i thought it was easy at the start. i dont like the stop and start thing yet i have good intentions but it just goes wrong.

Also what was the process of your diagnosis Krex...i asked at the place i am going and the receptionist said..'oh cant tell you'...i am a need to know person to prep myself...were you scared they may say 'no' everythings fine.

Hi!