Hi,
I apologize if I am not supposed to make a new post. I don't know how forums work very well. I don't use them often. I find them confusing.
Anyway. I am an undiagnosed Autistic and undisgnosed Gifted/Talented. I feel like a fraud claiming either label, but I have read a lot about both of these and I fit them well. I have a hard time expressing what I think or feel if it is something that I care about. Be it LGBT issues, languages, linguistics, something that stresses me out, even Autism and Gifted things. I think (feel?) so much and so intensely that I have to stop/skip/come back to later, whatever I am doing. I don't know if this is just a weird thing I do or if it fits with Autism or Giftedness. But it makes my life difficult.
I have problems crossing streets by myself, especially in new places. I am in my mid 20's and still cannot learn to drive a car. No one else understands how each new intersection is different and I have to learn it by walking it a lot, and then watching someone drive through it at all angles, and then being coached through it. Same with new streets. I have one route to get to the store and I cannot (or will not) deviate from it.
Graduate school does not do well for me because my brain works differently. Always has. School has been a battle my whole life. I wish someone had been able to tell me back then that I really was different and needed some kind of different program.
I asked my mother a year or two ago if I was actually mentally disabled and they just kept it a secret from me growing up. I have always, always, always thought this. She exlaimed that no, that was not true. I was hoping she would say yes, just so I could have an answer to why I have always felt it.
I am afraid to tell anyone I truly believe I am on the Spectrum, or that I might be Gifted. I think people will laugh at me and not believe me. I have had several people tell me "no, there is no way you are Autistic!" They are slightly more willing to accept the gifted part. I don't like that.
I need help to function as an adult in the world. Luckily I have a partner who helps a lot and explains things to me. I feel very dumb a lot of the time, while simultaneously feeling smarter than most. It's strange.
People seem to think being Autistic is a bad thing. I don't. I have always, from the moment I saw a documentary when I was younger, thought it would be like an honor. It is different. It means you are smart in a way most people aren't. You think in new ways. I don't see what is so bad about that.
I don't know what I am looking for by posting here. Maybe friends. Maybe validation. Maybe encouragement. Maybe I just want to know what other peoples experiences are.
I hope I am really one of you, because I feel like it. So much.
Thanks for reading.
23 Jul 2012, 11:45 am
