I'm new here, although I've been aware I have Asperger's/high functioning autism for about eight years now. I'm 43 and have managed to be gainfully employed throughout my adult life, and I'm married with an adult son, but I've always been aware that my wiring is completely different from the rest of the world. My sisters and even my son are neurotypical, and ineffable (and often annoying) extroverts to boot. Of all my relatives, only my grandfather was most likely somewhere on the spectrum- like me, he had gross motor deficits and was socially awkward. My thought on "is Asperger's/autism inherited?" is that the genetic grab bag is complex. Sometimes you get a good grab, and sometimes not so much. The challenge I have is using the wiring I have to my advantage in navigating my way through life. Out of necessity I've had to appear normal and maneuver through the world of the neurotypical, but being social does not come naturally to me and interacting with people really saps my energy. I especially have difficulty with eye contact and non-verbals. I communicate far better via electronic media, because I can take the time to say what I really mean to say.
My childhood was a nightmare. I was sickly and had severe gross motor deficits for which the Dr.s had no explanation other than to suggest that I had some sort of congenital defect. Physical therapy was moderately helpful, but I still have poor coordination and balance. I am also hyperlexic (though no one in the rural backwater I grew up in had ever heard of hyperlexia or experienced a hyperlexic child) and was a voracious reader by age 2. I have no explanation for that, and no recollection of ever learning to read. I did not receive any sort of early reading education or any other sort of "enrichment" in the home. Educators had no idea what to do with me, other than to try to put me in someone else's class.
At school I was constantly a target for physical and verbal abuse as well as at home. I had a rather sadistic older sister who took great delight in beating the daylights out of me whenever she had the chance, which was often, because my mother is bi-polar, and at that time she was untreated. You didn't know from day to day which planet Mom was on, or how (or if) she would respond. Dad worked constantly. My only reliable back up was my grandmother, who fortunately was close by if things got really bad.
I've had three episodes of major depression and have also had several panic attacks. I used to think constant anxiety was normal- because I was always fearful and anxious. When I was last in counseling for depression I was diagnosed as having Asperger's/high functioning autism, and my Dr. prescribed fluoxetine (Prozac) and clonidine (Catapres) to help me manage my depression and anxiety. Since I have been on these medications I have been able to function with a lot less fear and anxiety and my quality of life is much better.
One thing I will suggest to younger people on the spectrum is not to be afraid to discuss depression, fear and anxiety with your family Dr. Today there is far less stigma surrounding mental illness and there are ways of treating it and dealing with it, whether it is caused by chemical imbalance, alternative wiring, or traumatic events. Mental health is a big part of overall health, and all that fear and anxiety and depression that we are prone to is not good for our physical health. Take it from someone who is dealing with all sorts of stress-related conditions, and didn't get help with it early in life.
Over all I like the way I'm wired, as convoluted and complicated as it can be at times. Over time it gets easier to learn the wiring and navigate it. That's one of the beautiful perks to aging that I wish I'd discovered a long time ago. I love being able to speed read and I love being curious and willing to learn. I know I don't "fit in," and I don't really try because I really don't care. As long as I make myself happy and fulfilled, I have a purpose. If the rest of the world has a problem with me, then it's their problem.
10 Aug 2012, 12:42 pm
