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Hello,

Not sure if I have AS though things seem to point in that direction. I have had the occasion to hear more about AS over the last 5 days. There is someone who contracts for my employer who was diagnosed with Asperger's and that is actually the first time I've heard of the term...about a year ago now. However, I never researched AS, never thought I had a reason to, to be honest.

Recently, someone I know suggested that I google Asperger's. I said, "yeah, there is a guy that works for my employer that has that, what is it really?". This someone has known me for many years and would not give me more information, insisting that I do some googling. I had a day off work this last Friday and thought I'd look it up and see what my friend was so insistent about.

It was like being scrooge and being shown my life. Wow is all I can say. Still not sure if I have AS, but I think there a good chance.

I am 44 years old with a wife (first and only) and 4 wonderful children. According to my research, it's not unusual for Aspies to marry, but I have a inkling that 22 years of marriage is probably fairly decent achievement...actually for anyone these days!

Looking back, I have had the incredible good fortune to have a woman that loves me, who is also a natural nurturer with tons of patience and your typical "fixer". Given my "meltdowns", my odd behaviors, inability to effectively deal in social situations, etc, etc over the years...I do indeed feel very fortunate to still be married and have the love of a good wife and children.

When I was 8 I was diagnosed with ADHD though they just said "hyperactive" and I spent the next 8 years eating Ritalin and attending either special classes or special schools. Lots and lots of testing. IQ tests (114), behavior tests, auditory tests, physicals and lots and lots of therapy. All that testing didn't really turn up much (social anxiety, etc), which was frustrating because after all that, no one could tell me why I acted the way that I did.

In 9th grade, I had had enought and dropped out of hight school.

Tried different jobs here and there and nothing seemed to click for me. Eventually, and here is the clincher, I tried programming. 9th grade education mind you with no prior training or education towards the subject and now I know software development back and forth. I can program in at least 6 different programming languages and the principles of software development came easier than anything else I've done. I can spend hours and hours programming. 12, 14, 16 hours at a clip I would spend on the computer. Eventually, I started a business from my home and 3 years later, I had resellers all over the world and I had the perfect job! Working from home, doing what seemed to come natural for me all without the exhausting and draining social obligations common with most jobs/work. For the first time ever, I was really truly good at something and it didn't require constant contact with people, just a lot of phone conversation which are much, much easier for me.

Coincidence that I discovered and excelled at such a subject? I used to think that it was innate smarts and persistence that did it for me, but now I'm not so sure that explains it all. When I say that I love programming, I mean it. When I'm angry, frustrated, scared, anxious, you name it, I would immediately feel better as soon as I was on the computer, typing out code. Everything makes sense in programming, its always the same no matter what.

I also took an online quiz at RDOS dot net:

Your Aspie score: 137 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

Not sure how valid the test is...either way I'm not convinced of any benefit from a diagnosis at this point, but I can tell you that I cried several times that I've been reading about AS over the last 5 days, especially of accounts by other, non-aspies of their relationships with Aspies and whether I fit into that category or not, it makes me sad because it just puts the pain I've caused my own family over the years in stark relief.

Even worse is that I broached the subject of my suspicions with my wife and my middle daughter (quite enthusiastically I might add) and they scoffed. What baffles me is that my wife of all people would have at least recognized the symptoms that I rattled off when I asked her to read up on it a little and tell me what she thought. Maybe if I can get her to read some on her own...no matter. If I can figure out why I am the way that I am, it means that I can reinforce strategies that that I have already learned and developed on my own to cope and well, that might just be enough.

Thanks for listening.

Hello and welcome.
Good for you that you have discovered Asperger. I just discovered it a few months ago and it has worked wonders with my coping strategies. I don´t know if you will benefit from a diagnosis but if you just hang out on Wrong Planet and read old posts you can learn loads of interesting stuff. I guess it could do you good to look at coping in a marriage (for your own and wifes sake). Also take a closer look at your children, AS is often running in the family (I see it in two of my four children).

I was also thrilled when I discovered it, and wanted to tell the whole world. The rest of the world might need some time to adjust, especially if their picture of Aspergier is influenced by the Rainman movie.

If it fits, wear it. It is called an AH-HA!! moment in ones life. When a lot of things suddenly make sense.

It is only a problem, if it is a problem, if it isn't, leave it the hell alone. Just be glad (lol) you have found a reason for you being you, or to help you explain odd things to yourself.

As often as I use to try to explain, even a supposedly easy concept as Bipolar to another, it isn't and I don't even try anymore, unless, it is a problem. A real need has to exist, for me to even attempt an explanation and then I take em to a shrink with me, let them help.

I still can't get it across to the shrink, AS still makes sense to me, but they toss other things into the equation, that frankly, I just don't have the strength to wade through anymore. It freaks me out when they toss in the horrid word schizophrenic, but I understand it and yet..... well I see it too, but that's just a form of how I think sometimes, still scares me. Give me one please, but not both. That isn't the way it works and to be very honest, if you only have two, you are a lucky person.

Maybe your self realization frightens them in some way, even while to you it isn't frightening at all, but a blessing? As I think of myself?

Thanks for replying, both.

As for my kids...if I have Asperger's, then my son definitely does as well. He had constant behavior problems in school and looking back, I can see many of the signs I see in myself, in my son. For instance, he has a significant problem with picking scabs, meltdowns when under pressure, stress, etc Also, his chosen group of peers were mostly sub-culture skateboarder, pot smoking burners. I think he found it easier to fit in.

My youngest daughter has problems fitting in sometimes and had a couple of issues with cutting herself. She too chooses more "offbeat" friend and peers and limits her circle to just a few friends.

Yeah, I am the consumate father.

You sound like me. I got so upset one day about something my husband said to me at our daughter's soccer game. I went home and googled, "Everyone says my tone of voice is..."
AS came up in every search. I was shocked at first, it has been about 5 days now. After non-stop reading everything I can read about it. Which is a considerable amount, because like your programming being your thing, reading is mine. Everything I've read is like they have written an autobiography of me. It is amazing. It is a feeling I can't even explain.
But my family response was opposite of yours. My husband was like, well at least you have a name for your crazy. he said it in a loving and nice way though. My parents were like "about time you figured out there was something wrong with you". Maybe not in the nicest way. But either way I'm happy I figured it out. Now I feel the need for a formal diagnosis, but I want to make sure it doesn't impact my work negatively. So of course, I'm doing more research. But deep inside, I know.

Welkome to WP

Mick