Aspie?

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I watched a show this evening about a guy who found out he had asperger's. All during the show my husband would look at me, then I would look at him. It sounded a lot like me! So I found the test he (the guy on the show) took, and my results were:
Your Aspie score: 144 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
I have no idea how accurate this test is, but it would explain a lot.
In the past I have mentioned to my husband that I have thought about seeing a doctor about my EXTREME social disabilities. I'm not just worried about myself, but also the effect it has on my husband and children. I feel my social awkwardness keeps them isolated as well as myself. I have always kept to myself, I played alone as a child, and I always have hated large gatherings. I just thought I was shy, but it has never gotten any better. I could not handle a public job, so I tried selling cosmetics
, big mistake. I have recently (a year ago) discovered the art of painting, and doll making. I love it, but still cannot seem to communicate with people enough to sell them publicly, so have resorted to selling online. I cannot even get to know the people we attend church with, I just never seem to know what to say or do. And when I do say or do something, I feel it was the wrong thing, and stress over it. It seems everyone else in my life are "normal". I come from a family of outgoing folks, besides my Dad ( who is not quite as socially awkward as myself). My mom is on the phone/ going out with her friends constantly, my older brother owns his own business and never meets a stranger, my older sister has many friends and LOVES drama (ugh I HATE drama!) my younger brother is the life of the party, and people love him. Even my husband and young daughters make friends easily. I have always felt like a stranger in my own family. And wish there were a way for me to make friends, I feel so lonely in my own little world

Hi BookLuvur, welcome, I'm new too. I hope you stick around.

I'm also at the stage of asking questions and wondering what is wrong with me.

My life is very simple....... take my child to school, come home, do some cleaning, go on the net, do some other house things, go on the net, get my son, cook etc, and later go on the net. Sometimes I go to church, but hardly ever. I have no close freinds and everyone else I know are just people who I speak to such as at the school, briefly. I visit no-one, and very few people visit me. I spent 20ish years living like this, apart from a year or two in between. I have never had a job, I raised children. I was a young mother.

Growing up, my only other sibling was Autistic. I was fine, I think. I always had freinds and loved going out with them and loved school. I was intelligent. A fast learner. But then at aged 13, I just changed. A neighbour also said to other people that one minute I was this happy girl and I just suddenly changed. At school, I felt odd. I felt like I was lost. It was so wierd. I developed what I guess would be neurological problems, I had a fear of looking people in the eye, and suffered nervous spasms...hard to explain, but really awful (not as bad now though). I was scared, terrified almost. I felt I couldnt even walk, I was mute, I stopped talking. I would sit alone, be alone, and if I tried to talk to people, like old friends, I felt I didn't have the words anymore. I was just completely withdrawn, I lost sleep over it, everything just felt dark.

My learning stopped, everything stopped.

I eventually went to live with another family, because my parents couldn't get me to go to school anymore, and things. I did ok there, I think. Went to a small school for kids having trouble in a normal school. The principle said I was the best student there with my school work, and I came out of my shell a bit. But then I started feeling uncomfortable and wanted to go home, and I did. But my dad didn't seem to want me back. I didn't let it effect me though, I seemed to have a new found confidence for a while. I was really happy, hanging out with my new freinds and things and having a great time. But then it all turned dark again. The old feelings came back.

So now, years later, I'm just alone. I get on good with people, as in, I'm well mannared and cause no trouble for anyone. People are freindly to me, which is cool. I'm happy. But, still alone.

I would love to get a job. I would love to be more involved with my church which I attend occasionally. But fear stops me.

I don't know if I have avoidance personality or aspergers. I was diagnosed years ago with social anxiety. But I don't know how she could have said I have that when I only saw her a few times and only told her a bit. I hardly told her anything. And it hasn't gotten better.

It would just be nice to know what it is.

hi and welcome. i have not taken the tests myself as i have tried way too hard in the past to figure myself out and have a history of coming up with misguided answers. for once in my life i am trusting professionals (they are not always super great), but i feel i am in good hands now.

that said, i connected with the not getting any better at social interactions that you mentioned. i have 'talents' for sure, but i looked at this statement as it relates to 'skill,' which speaks more to growth over time. please do not mistake me, i am not saying that growth over time is not possible so give up altogether, i am saying that for me, it has not come naturally (i.e. practice makes perfect) without a strategy or medication for co-occurring issues such as ADHD and anxiety.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Hi Bookluvur, welcome to WP, the great thing about this place is, you get to incorporate your own little world into our bigger one here; it's a great place to find people with problems exactly like yours and who understand what it's like living with AS in a way most NT's don't, so I certainly hope you stick around, it can be a lot of fun