new here recently diagnosed

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hello:

i'm 40, F, and just recently dx with aspergers. i have been fascinated with the topic for awhile but always found the traits were just not quite the right fit. i then realized it may have something to do with gender differences and lo and behold, when i read the traits of aspie females it was a perfect fit.

while i am somewhat saddened with the idea of having autistic traits, this recent revelation does allow me a new perspective with which to look at my life in hindsight and understand the confusion better.

i'm 40 and never been married and i think i look pretty normal on the outside but i clearly don't get the dating dance at all and now i believe it has been the aspergers that has kept me from ever getting married...although i would really like to...i have never really met someone with whom i have clicked.

i don't have many friends but this is because spending time with NTs exhausts the hell out of me and i'd rather be alone...having said that, i would LOVE to find a real life community of like minded people. i have often thought i was on the wrong planet.

and i will be perfectly honest and blunt, i have given up on NTs. i have spent my life trying to be normal like them and it clearly isn't working and i don't want to be like them anyway. going to some loud sporting event, drinking beer, and being loud and obnoxious isn't my kind of guy and the NT girl who loves to shop and is shallow, dumb and materialistic isn't my kind of girl.

anyway, i am being a bit of a downer. this diagnosis is new for me so i have a lot to learn about it all. thanks for reading.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

thanks

I know it is difficult, but try not to judge all NTs by the behaviours of the majority of them. Some of them can be interesting, insightful, caring and downright captivating. Maybe I only think this because I'm 19.

But I try not to discriminate against NTs just because of their neurology, and I ask them to extend the same courtesy.

Welcome to wrongplanet! I hope you find what you've looking for.

It may take years, as it has for me, to integrate the diagnosis and the burgeoning knowledge with your life history and present course. There are a lot of great articles here. What made the biggest difference for me was learning why non-spectrum people would find me so annoying when I was trying so hard to fit in and be polite.

Welcome to Wrong Planet! Hope you learn a lot here--I sure have--and am still learning! I'm lucky in that I can discuss issues with my with to get an NT's perspective.

Hi and welcome.

Yes, I've had this problem, too.

Thank you for all the welcomes.

When I say newly diagnosed, I mean as in the past month. So ALL this is fairly recent. I hope to one day be able to integrate more and be more understanding of the NT perspective; however, I have felt "on the wrong planet" for 40 years now not knowing why. I'm sure you can understand why I feel this way. If I had had an early diagnosis (and there was no such diagnosis in the 70s), things may have been different. It will be awhile before I can assimilate all this information.

Hello.

I can relate to your story,I am 36 years old and also newly diagnosed.
They did an autism assessment when I was about six years old,but thought I was so verbal and smart,I would cope and grow out of my autism-like behaviour.
Well,I learned not to stim in public,and to act as if I was I was "normal"(that took a very long time,I was in my late teens when I started to realise how others behave in groups).
But ofcourse I was still different from everybody else,and I knew it.

It is hard to get a late diagnosis if you have felt different all your life,and you have to take your time to let it all sink in,and to understand what it all means to you.
But at least now you can learn to understand yourself better,and that is a great asset.

Sooner better then later,better late then never.

Welcome to WP!

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Welkome to WP

Mick

I had total meltdown today regarding just that. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but some things my mother told me about my early childhood behavior really gave me a couple big pieces to the puzzle. Imagine the most eff'd up rubik's cube you can envision, and you've just now solved it but you've somehow got pieces left. They're stars and dots, not the normal squares. And you're left wondering, "Where the heck did these come from, and what the heck do I do with 'em?"

I myself have given up on trying to socialize with the "normal" crowd. I actually turned my back on them at a very young age seeing that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep up with the drama or conversations. I remember in third grade I tried to start a goofy conversation and they took it the wrong way and insulted me. It was embarressing moments like that-along with several different cases- like that that drew me away. Also when I hit middle school I observed how much mess and drama those teenagers got themselves into! The girls of the school either were brats and proud, gossipers and boy upsessers, or spoiled and pregnant. The boys *shutters* are disrespectful, perverted or fellow gossipers. Seeing the mess of those people I decided I would never hang around that crowd or pay any mind to them. I'd much rather be an outsider and stick with my own interrests then be in the "popular" crowd and have to twist myself in something I'm not. Why should I morph myself to fit their wants? Sadly, I've never met any other teen with Asperger's syndrome so no one has ever shared my outlooks or understanding of denial, so my cold insight on "normals" just grew stronger. I've never seen the possitive side of people, I'm scared of men-bad experiances- and am tense around boys. It's more out of disgust rather then fear. I came here to meet people with simularities of being a loner.